Regain trust and happiness

Hello Everyone.

About a month ago I got to know someone from a dating app. First days we were talking in the nights the usual like every other person. After a few days she opened up and she told me her story.
She is from a distant Asian country and she is studiing in my European country for a few years. I started to feel bad that day so I deactivated my FB profile for the night. The next day she was bombing with her feelings (crush on me and loves me). The other day she told me about her Disorder and she was looking for someone to heal her (she was drinking in the last 2 days as she told me later).

The next few days she was still adoring me and happy about me, we were planning our first meeting in early October.
The date was decent nothing special, she sometimes checked her phone got to a quiet place where we could talk a little, at the end I walked her home, 2 kisses on the cheek and good bye. Later that night she was looking for me telling about how nice and safe was the date and imagined holding hands.
The next day I made a little confession and talked her about that we can meet more frequently not only when I happen to be in the city (like a movie day in my place, etc). Later this night she asked the meaning of "date" because she wasn't sure anymore what it is. First problem happened since she is not native english speaker "date" only means something similar to "hang out" in her language. She was telling me after this that she really likes, many times. I said Okay let's talk about it tomorrow It is already late.

Next afternoon I was texting her about it, she was telling me she feels the same as me, but since she is not staying here for long she don't want to jump into anything and ignores her feelings. I told her about that for me staying here is not a priority and I don't have a good relationship with my family like she does. She said then she will see how things goes.

From now on her interrest got held back a little (less questions, emotes, etc) for a week and we slowly got to the planned movie day at my place. We went shopping some snacks first, watched a movie, went for a walk in the town. At my place she didn't got her shoes off (cultural I guess), it was kind of awkward that she was lying on the edge of the bed with her shoes hanging on the side. We had some good talk and laught, but she had her arms crossed for some of the time and checking her phone often ( reason was she had lost a post package at Asia or something). The walking was kind of the same. After we got back we started another movie but she wanted to leave at ~7PM (got here at ~3PM). After 3 question she still didn't went to the toilet, but when we were ready to leave she changed her mind and went for it at least.

next day, we are in the middle of October she told me about that she might stay a bit longer in my country and she talked about her feelings. Easy to like and dislike something and insist and give up something in her world. I asked her if I had to do something about this line, but replied these are just her feelings.

The next day I feel like a turning point. I gave her some space since I knew she had an exam in a few days, just a few small talks in the afternoons. After the exam she told me she wasn't really studiing for it, she was doing homework since she will be traveling abroad for a week. But she was mostly avaible on FB when I checked so I asked if I am being replaced or something like that, she said she is too busy to find someone and realtionship are no longer her stuff for years. Some questions and Good night for the first time in the past few days.

Following day I apologized for my behavior, but she cound't really react to it saying she is not prepared. She had an interview in an office that day but nothing special as she says. I told her It is okay if she is busy just tell me that and not just ignore me because I was complaining last time, she said she went to sleep.

Friday evening, same thing happens I told her I really feel she tries to ignore me this week and that I hate it when I am not sure if I being ignored or something. After this she replied she was busy and was only checking If I text her something, but It is like her old relationship and she hates to answer many questions. Suggesting that we should just stop just talk, she is horrible and not good for me, I am not good for her. I got a bit upset about it, because I felt this happened in such a weird way. But she wanted to mail me a birthday gift when she gets back I declined it and deleted her saying good bye for now.

On Sunday night, she was already abroad I suppose. I said sorry for acting so weird last week and summed up my regrets, that I learned from this lesson, added her back, but she ignored the text and declined the add.

I waited a few days, on wednesday I reached out for her again I said I apologize for my hurting her, being toxic and the silence treatment is not a solution. This time she replied with she doesn't want to talk, doesn't want to be with me and doesn't like me anymore. Somehow we managed to end up talking a little, I told her that I could be friends with her for now and I give her more time and space for thinking, she still told that we should not talk, I need a better one than her and asking why I want to still talk with her, I told her I want peace with her. for least she added me back said good night for each other (not going to sleep yet), and that is it for yesterday.

Today I only said Hi and asked her What's up there, repliing she is going to island, that is all.


Thanks for reading.
Is it possible to regain her trust and happiness in time with patiance? As far as I know she still takes her medicines.

"Is it possible to regain her trust and happiness in time with patiance? As far as I know she still takes her medicines."

90% No.
10% Yes.

She has moved on. You should move on too. She is just talking to you now to be polite because she feels that you will not leave her alone if she dont answer. She compares you with her x boyfriend, thats a very bad sign, because she is saying that you are doing the the same mistakes as he did.

This might sound very harsh, I am sorry, but thats my point of view and I might be wrong. If you really really really want her back and want to bet on the 10% even if I think you should find an other girl that truly loves you, you can try this method, but our odds are not good that it might work, because its a very massive project to change a womans feelings, but if you really want to try, my steps would be:

1) You dont text her and wait until she texts you. (If she dont, its over and we cant do anything)
2) When she text you, you dont answer. Yes, you dont answer.
3) Now, she will wonder, why you dont answer. "He is not interested in me?" And when she think that, her ego set you as a goal. The goal is: I want hes reasurement of that he still likes me.
4) You dont answer 3-4 days, then you answer very uninterested, not a "###$ off message" but one simple answer on her question that dont indicate any interest.
5) Look what happends. Normally she answer you 3-4 hours later, this time, she will answer you 3-4 minutes later with an other question, because she still want to be sure that she is good enough even for you, even if she dont like you.
6) So now, thats the dating game the women love and hate at the same time because their feelings go up and down. But in that game, when she is chasing you, you get points every time because you are the man that is sooo hard to get. And when she get you, she is loyal, because she has worked for it.
7) You keep answer 3-4 hours later with not much interest. She will become angry and eventually call you. The best thing for you will be here, if she says, why are you not answering my texts?? If she says that, bingo, you almost have her again. The more angry she is, the better for you. If you talk to her because she calls, calm down, and just talk normally, slow, you have had a lot of work recently... so thats why you can not answer her messages... she will keep demanding... and trying to indirectly say that you should meet with her again, and you a little uninterested say yes...
When you meet, dont say oh i missed you sooooooooooo much... be calm, relax, and now she will understand that you are the man she wants because you are a nice guy that have confidence.
9) We are not done yet. Now, when she is loyal, you have to be a man in that relationship. When she is walking with high heels in your bedroom, its not about culture. Its a test to you. She is testing you if you are a man enough to say to her, that she should take them off. Take control in the relationship and do what YOU want in the relationship. Only this way she will love you and respect you bacause you stay by yourself and your opinion. And no its not about being a dictator. Its the other end of the spectrum. Dont be too hard or too soft. Be in the middle and she will love you for it.
10) Keep the relationship this way. She should always miss you a little and never be 100% assured that you love her. She should always keep looking for it in you, only this way, you can have her loyality and only when you 100% know that she is 100% loyal and will never go to an other man, then yes, here you can tell her how much you love her, but never ever before
11) Still, dont walk that way ^^ Let her go, its easier to find a new one isnt it

MaleDenmark wrote:"Is it possible to regain her trust and happiness in time with patiance? As far as I know she still takes her medicines."

90% No.
10% Yes.

but if you really want to try, my steps would be:

1) You dont text her and wait until she texts you. (If she dont, its over and we cant do anything)
2) When she text you, you dont answer. Yes, you dont answer.
3) Now, she will wonder, why you dont answer. "He is not interested in me?" And when she think that, her ego set you as a goal. The goal is: I want hes reasurement of that he still likes me.
4) You dont answer 3-4 days, then you answer very uninterested, not a "###$ off message" but one simple answer on her question that dont indicate any interest.
5) Look what happends. Normally she answer you 3-4 hours later, this time, she will answer you 3-4 minutes later with an other question, because she still want to be sure that she is good enough even for you, even if she dont like you.
6) So now, thats the dating game the women love and hate at the same time because their feelings go up and down. But in that game, when she is chasing you, you get points every time because you are the man that is sooo hard to get. And when she get you, she is loyal, because she has worked for it.
7) You keep answer 3-4 hours later with not much interest. She will become angry and eventually call you. The best thing for you will be here, if she says, why are you not answering my texts?? If she says that, bingo, you almost have her again. The more angry she is, the better for you. If you talk to her because she calls, calm down, and just talk normally, slow, you have had a lot of work recently... so thats why you can not answer her messages... she will keep demanding... and trying to indirectly say that you should meet with her again, and you a little uninterested say yes...
When you meet, dont say oh i missed you sooooooooooo much... be calm, relax, and now she will understand that you are the man she wants because you are a nice guy that have confidence.
9) We are not done yet. Now, when she is loyal, you have to be a man in that relationship. When she is walking with high heels in your bedroom, its not about culture. Its a test to you. She is testing you if you are a man enough to say to her, that she should take them off. Take control in the relationship and do what YOU want in the relationship. Only this way she will love you and respect you bacause you stay by yourself and your opinion. And no its not about being a dictator. Its the other end of the spectrum. Dont be too hard or too soft. Be in the middle and she will love you for it.
10) Keep the relationship this way. She should always miss you a little and never be 100% assured that you love her. She should always keep looking for it in you, only this way, you can have her loyality and only when you 100% know that she is 100% loyal and will never go to an other man, then yes, here you can tell her how much you love her, but never ever before
11) Still, dont walk that way ^^ Let her go, its easier to find a new one isnt it

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy?
This might work as a short-term "solution", but on a long-term, I'm guessing you'd want someone to love you for you, and not because of these little mind games. This is not love, it's creating a feeling of anxiety in another person that they then confuse for affection. I'd never suggest it, as you'll end up hurt anyways.
Let this person go and focus on yourself. Games never work, they can be used to "spice up the relationship" but not to build anything, particularly not a relationship.

Some updates.

Didn't read the messages since I posted here first, things happened since then.
We have been talking, she went from "no, don't want to" attitude to uncertain now. She says she actually likes me in person just had enough of my behavious on chat. She needs time she says but for what she doesn't know (to like me again???).
I know I asked her too direct questions, now she ask me questions like that but not too many. I am just sharing my thoughts, things with her without questions and she does the same, she mentioned one day that we are making some progress here, maybe even a meeting is okay for her but she is uncertain now.

I will not play games, I will take it slow, I know what my fault was and now I feel(?) things are settling down slowlyyyy
I don't attach too many much hope to it, I am doing fine for now.

Update.

She just finally admitted that someone got into the picture and that is why she quited at the my first mistakes, she says there is a chance for us later, but now she likes someone else.

I hate to be right.

malha wrote:Update.

She just finally admitted that someone got into the picture and that is why she quited at the my first mistakes, she says there is a chance for us later, but now she likes someone else.

So you should wait around? This is not how people act when they're interested, she keeps giving you excuses, the sooner you drop it sooner you'll be out of the whole story, you're just wasting your time.

shanzeek wrote:

malha wrote:Update.

She just finally admitted that someone got into the picture and that is why she quited at the my first mistakes, she says there is a chance for us later, but now she likes someone else.

So you should wait around? This is not how people act when they're interested, she keeps giving you excuses, the sooner you drop it sooner you'll be out of the whole story, you're just wasting your time.

Yeah she said she didn't say it to be kind, this is what she thinks, but I shouldn't waste time for her now. I told her if she wants me out of the picture just send me away for good or block me, but she doesn't want that with the excuse "Then how can I make sure there is something about us?".

Please send nukes :'D

I asked her to make things easier by block me until she is over with this negativity and feels ready to talk to/hang out with me again. I know she will most likely never contact and unblock me, but at least she got rid of me.
I couldn't do it since I was the one always contacting her in the last 1 month, I was trying to be positive and have a nice old talk everytime but it always got to drama.

Let it go SHE should contact you, if she is interested. And when she do, if you dont want to play games, only ask her about when to meet again. "Amanda, when do you want/have time to drink a cup of coffee?" "Ehm, I dont know..." You dont like her answer? DONT answer back. Let her understand with that action that she should only write when she is ready to meet you. She will get that. Finish it. Kill it. You cant let it run "in the middle" forever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec3UgWvvZoI

MaleDenmark wrote:Let it go SHE should contact you, if she is interested. And when she do, if you dont want to play games, only ask her about when to meet again. "Amanda, when do you want/have time to drink a cup of coffee?" "Ehm, I dont know..." You dont like her answer? DONT answer back. Let her understand with that action that she should only write when she is ready to meet you. She will get that. Finish it. Kill it. You cant let it run "in the middle" forever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec3UgWvvZoI

I absolutely agree. Chasing people rarely works, at least not for me (unless done in charming and confident way), it only annoys me and makes me dislike the person even more.
You're allowing her to make fool out of you, snap out of inferior position you put yourself in and move on.