Wishing I died ten years ago

If I knew my life was going to be what it has become now, I wish I would've died ten years ago. I've had clinical depression since I was 17 and no medicine or therapy has been able to cure me. I have tried various ways to get out of my rut but I always get disappointing results and dead ends. I wake up every day feeling empty and alone since I have no friends close by nor do I have a girlfriend. I especially feel despondent how I never dated or had sexual experiences in my developmental years as well as my adolescence. When I hear or read stories from people younger than me who did all those things and still are, it makes me wonder what's so wrong with me that I couldn't have the same things. I am 29 years old and I feel like I am already paying the piper.

I strongly suggest you to give these a chance:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osWjSsh1iVQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnaASd6Vm58

I strongly regret that I didn't wait to have sex til I was in my twenties. Sex is something you feel, it happens, not something you should do to conform.

LittleHallucynation wrote:I strongly regret that I didn't wait to have sex til I was in my twenties. Sex is something you feel, it happens, not something you should do to conform.

Whole-heartedly agreed.

I was so foolish to jump into it too quickly,
tryna prove my worth.

I just can't let go of what's happened to me. I feel so damaged, broken, and malfunctioning. I don't know how I can just be okay with myself when I am so empty.

If you're not okay with yourself by yourself, what makes you think you'll be okay with yourself, with someone else? Lots of things change, but only so much.

I fear my past determines my future since my romantic history is so empty besides just one real relationship that didn't last long. I used to have hope that I could change the direction of my future but the fact I keep hitting dead ends makes me feel like I am stuck in a vicious cycle.

Like yourself first, sweetie. Then just be you with girls. Sooner or later, one'll bite. It's a big ocean out there; you might have to dip your line off a lot of piers but give it time.

Markness wrote:I just can't let go of what's happened to me. I feel so damaged, broken, and malfunctioning. I don't know how I can just be okay with myself when I am so empty.

Have you shared an account of [this part of] your story somewhere on here?

InquisitivePursuer wrote:

Markness wrote:I just can't let go of what's happened to me. I feel so damaged, broken, and malfunctioning. I don't know how I can just be okay with myself when I am so empty.

Have you shared an account of [this part of] your story somewhere on here?

I have before but I may have worded it differently.

I've been in a vicious cycle for the last ten years of my life that was brought on by depression and feeling like there is no hope for me.