lying this whole time

Hi,
I've been going out with my bf for 1.5 yrs now. About 6 months ago, I found out about something he was hiding from me. I also find that he easily lies to other people. I asked him about this once and he said, "Yeah, but I could never lie to you." I believed him.
Then recently, I was having a really bad day, and I just asked him to please tell me if he had lied about anything else to me. I actually got him to confess that he had lied to me "a lot". This whole time I had thought he'd previously been cheated on. That was a lie! He made it up, and went along with it for 1.5 yrs!
Also when he was away, staying at some place, he had told me he was sleeping on a couch in the lounge, but then revealed to me that he was sleeping in some girls room (in the other bed).

I asked him if he had ever cheated on me, and he said, "No of course not." Then he said, "But honestly, if I did, I wouldn't be able to tell you about it... BUT I haven't."

What do you guys think of this? I can't believe he lied to me so much... we are so close & I just don't get it.

Unfortunately, Rain, his admittance to his lies has done little more than proven how close you're not. I would seriously begin to question where your relationship stands at current and where you both want to go with this.

With such great tendency for him to lie, he's only looking out for himself. Why wouldn't he tell you? Not because he doesn't want to hurt you, but more so because he's trying to look out for himself.

Read this statement: I always lie.

If this statement is true, than that means that statement was a lie.

If the reality is false, than that means the statement is also false, thus making it a lie.

Paradoxes, how I love thee...

Anyway, also, from what you've said it sounds like he also tries to justify his lies. Which means he has little remorse for the wrong doing.

If you don't have trust in a relationship, then there isn't much of a relationship to begin with.

Jesus, if he cheated on you, he wouldn't tell you anyway? That's wrong on so many levels.

rainhappy,

I'm sorry to hear all the lies your bf has put you through. It's a horrible thing to have some you love and think you can trust betray you in that way. I was in a similar situation with my Ex-Husband who lied to me for the first year and half of our marriage about a bachelor party he went to and what happened there. I loved him so much that i forgave him but never truly trusted him again and towards our 9th anniversary I got so fed up with the lies that our marriage ended when he finally admitted to me that he had been in love with my best friend for the last 4 years of our marriage.

I know you said that you guys are so close but trust is one of the major things you need in a relationship and if he can't give you what you deserve then he needs to go! My ex new that I wanted to try and make things work therefore he was able to get away with a lot.

In regards to cheating your man says "No of course not." Then he said, "But honestly, if I did, I wouldn't be able to tell you about it... BUT I haven't." I would have dumped him right there knowing how much he has lied to you and then using the words But Honestly.....How can he be honest? He has just admitted to you how he has constantly lied to you. In my opinion he's got to go. You deserve better....

Keep us posted on how you are doing.

Thankyou both so much for the replies. Kathie, I'm sorry to hear about your ex-husband, that must have been awful to go through.

Yeah.. our relationship was going awesome.. hardly any problems at all & no doubts for the first yr & 3months. Whenever he says certain things to me now, he'll say, "I know my word means nothing to you now, but this is the truth..." , and I never know if it is now! How am I supposed to know?

Anyways, he's going away soon for a couple of months, and I told him maybe we should try not keeping in contact while he's gone, just to see what it's like.. Now he is sad. I don't know.. I'll keep you guys updated.

rainhappy it was extremely hard to go through what my ex did but i am better now and better off without him.

"I know my word means nothing to you now, but this is the truth..."

This is crazy. Of couse he knows his words mean nothing, he is the one who made his words useless. I don't know why he is so sad about this, he made it this way and now it seems like he doesn't want to pay the price for his actions. I'm more worried about you and how it's going to affect you as I know how it affected me. Know that if you decide to keep the relationship going then it can take quite awhile to get the trust back. It never did with my ex i could just feel that he was lying to me and i didn't trust anything he said. To bad it took so long for me to realize that it just wasn't worth it anymore because by that time too much damage had already been done and to this day the scars are still visible. Take care of yourself and know you can always come to us for any help or advice.

Keep us posted.

*Hugs*

Here's the update: He admitted to kissing another girl (she kissed him) when he was drunk the other night. He lied about it at first, but today he fessed up to it.

If you guys are that close like you say you are;He wouldn't be keeping things from you Or especially get that close to another girl like laying w. her.
That`s disrespectful & is a lack of sense,security & carelessness (all this in that situation)

Truth of the matter is..someone either you or him lied to one another,now there is no trust.He feels like he don`t have to tell you nothing. And this is not Right.

Is up to you to set boundaries.
Let him know how you feel about the situation and just trust him
Is up to you to stay or go
He might change or not
Love is freedom;remember this
Think positive about it
&
always pray..
Things only get better this way
xo

Hi Rain,

I am sorry to say that this guy you are with, or was with since it has been a few days since you posted this, is no good for you. He admitted to lying about being cheated on, that would have gotten my ex-gf kicked out of my life right then.

On top of that,

I asked him if he had ever cheated on me, and he said, "No of course not." Then he said, "But honestly, if I did, I wouldn't be able to tell you about it... BUT I haven't."

MAJOR red flag! No I wouldn't, but if I did, I wouldn't tell?!?! Wow, that is low.

I am glad tho that you did ask for time away from him, if he was close enough to you to tell the truth at the start, then things would be different.

Hey, read through all that and am I right in thinking that.........this guy lied to you......when you appraoched him about it you found out he did lie to you and he wouldn't tell you if he cheated on you.........then some girl kissed him and he lied about it and then told the truth....So is this how you want your relationship to continue? You want to find out a year or so later...."Yes I did cheat on you back then but I didnt mean to" and you'll forgive him again...and again...im sorry but I hate men like this. My ex was a serious manipulator, lyer, control freak and user. My best advice is that this guy is NOT worth your time and you deserve better because like it or not this lieing etc will most likely keep happening. All your doing is showing him you'll forgive whatever he does. I don't mean this in a bad way, i just hate guys like this, i hope whatever your decision everything works out well, hey maybe im wrong Take care xxx