Emotionally shut down

Thanks guys! Great information here. WTF everything else I do on here is an open book so why not share my last message to her on Monday.

Here you go:
Sara it's okay. I'm not going to bother you anymore. We talked for mere days but there was something there. Definitely. You acknowledged it as much as I did. But, Idk.. I'm in a weird place in my life right now anyway with all that's going on. I'm probably not good for anyone at the moment. I was just excited to have accidentally met someone who lit me up like I never knew. That's not just something I'm saying I really mean it! It's just very difficult for me to wrap my head around how you switched that off so suddenly. You went from being extremely affectionate in an almost girlfriend way to downright cold in the blink of an eye. It's at this point I started to hold onto you way too tightly. I blame myself for this. I think if I just took you out and made you laugh that Saturday night 2 weeks ago we'd be in a very very different place right now. Not like a "couple" per-say, but on our way to getting to know one another. Truth is you only truly saw me for who I am up until I opened my idiotic mouth that evening. And up until then, things were damn good. Then I got insecure in a way that embarrasses me and just, acted like a fool.

I'm not here trying to convince you of anything anymore. I just want you to know that because of you I believe in passion again. Thank you! I felt it with you on a whole new level. It will sadden me for a long time that I was incapable of seeing where things could've gone with you. I think for a brief moment, we were perfect for each other. Sad. I genuinely believe things could have been incredible if handled differently by me. I was wreckless with my emotions. But as they say, you live you learn. Not all lessons are happy.

And I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry if I came off too strongly. I just never knew someone like you was out there. I never knew I could feel so instantly comfortable and warm with someone I never met.

For the record, love to me means nothing more than the opposite of fear. It's a pulling in as opposed to a pushing away. I just wanted to pull you into my world. That's it! Trying not to get too deep here. lol You never told me but I'm pretty sure "love" means damn near everything to you. So I get why you got freaked out by what I said. Water under the bridge now.

I seriously ###$ up a possibly amazing thing with an awesome girl and I'm just going to bury myself in work for a while.

I hope you find someone much better than me Sara. You deserve the world as far as I'm concerned. I really will never forget our brief moment in time together and what it taught me about myself and love.

You're beautiful. Take care.


So that's it guys. The end of the line as they say. You know it's weird. Before I was married I was an all out player. Didn't even want a relationship. These feelings I have now.. God they're awful! I'd do anything to rewind the click. Yeah, I like her that much. Oh life.

You are a good guy Stunnerable.

However she takes your closing words, they speak to who you are.

It can be hard to see too that just as men can be jerks, so can women. Jerk-mode often comes out later. You might have dodged a bullet here too.

xdude wrote:You are a good guy Stunnerable.

However she takes your closing words, they speak to who you are.

It can be hard to see too that just as men can be jerks, so can women. Jerk-mode often comes out later. You might have dodged a bullet here too.

Thanks xdude. I'm 36 years old. I've got 2 little boys. I know who I am and what I want in life. I am an overthinker to a fault, but I typically make sense of things and move on due to that. Point being, I hate games. I hate wasting time at this point in my life. I've got a lot in my plate and at the end of the day, I just want to be happy. For a moment, I thought I won the lottery. The scariest thing now is coming to terms with the reality that I may never find that level of passion and love again.

I want nothing more. It's like a drug. But next time (if there is a next time) you bet you back side I'll be wiser. I went from man whore to married for over a decade. I suck at dating apparently! LOL

Thanks again everyone!

I'm an over-thinker too.

I may be wrong, so just my 2 cent opinion -

Of course us over thinkers want that passion, emotions, in our life, so we risk going over-board when that gets turned on. It is understandable why you opened the flood gates. Probably not something you do easily, though you have a passionate, emotional side too.

Going forward, what you've learned is that women are often conflicted too. Just as you were looking for passion, emotions; ironically the ?over-emotional? can be looking for level-headed thinking types on some level. That doesn't mean they want nothing emotional either, just that we people tend to seek balance by choosing partners who are opposites in some ways.

Hi Stunnerable,

This was a very interesting thread with a lot of good thoughts.

Just an idea for you....

Something was said to me that has had a very big impact. It was said that "people come into our lives and mirror to us what we need to change in ourselves." (and us for them )

This goes along with xdudes thought of complimentary (my thinking) but opposite.

I can not say what that passage totally means for anyone in particular, as I am working through it myself. But the more I contemplate it, the more good I discover. (ah yes, over thinking! )

Be well, and good luck!

mark1958 wrote:complimentary

An excellent word, and fully captures of why we choose 'opposites' - "complimentary" better captures what is behind that.

That's a great point guys. It's funny, I think both of us challenged something deep inside us respectively that isn't quite "balanced" yet. Her fears of intimacy, wall building, and turning love into fear when it's real. My being way too fast in opening up (though I've never done this before her), not considering if someone is even ready to hear what I have to say, and learning to love myself more. The latter is the biggest issue I believe I face now.
I just wish it worked out in the long run. For a moment, it was magical. Absolutely magical.

Damn girl. lol

Stunnerable wrote:So literally 2 weeks in we are FLYING into seriousness.

I guess you are very young.

Actually we are both well into our 30s.
Coming out of 10 year marriage. Kids. Educated. Successful. Well established. Cultured.

That was a back handed, sanctimonious comment. Why did you bother?

Stunnerable wrote:Actually we are both well into our 30s.
Coming out of 10 year marriage. Kids. Educated. Successful. Well established. Cultured.
That was a back handed, sanctimonious comment. Why did you bother?

Sorry for my bad english. I mean that if you have loved about ten women then you can easy control yours and your girlfriend feelings.