Desperate to message limerent object

I'll summarize the backstory. In 2013, when I was an 11th grade student in high school, I fell into this limerent attraction for one of the girls in my class. It was at almost the beginning of the school year. Months later, near the end of that year, I chose to "break the ice" with her. She didn't requite my feelings.

Over 3 years later, my infatuation hasn't changed. Given the recollections, I just know that there's not a chance in the world that she was "just too shy" or something to tell me the truth. There's even the possibility that she already had a significant other at that time, I never saw any confirmation of that, but I only ever saw her at school. Today, that possibility is even greater, considering how long it's been.

I posted a blog entry about this, it was extensive and mainly just for the purpose of blogging itself, but I left some information out of it. I haven't been in a state of no contact for the full ~18 months it's been since graduation. In October of last year, I messaged her on Facebook about how my feelings hadn't died off. She wasn't on my friends list, in fact, mine was empty at that time because I didn't really have any reason to use my account, and as such, I rarely did prior to this. But there was a feature back then where you could send a message directly to the inbox of someone who wasn't on your friends list by paying $1 to the corporation. She's probably a mobile-only user, knowing a thing or two about her, I'd be kind of surprised if she owned a laptop. Mobile-only users would only receive messages strictly from contacts back then.

She responded, and was just as compassionate as I expected her to be. But here's where I make a confession. I got this unrealistic idea that there'd be nothing wrong with being "just friends," via the internet. I knew she wouldn't accept a friend request because then she'd be the only one on my list, and others, who probably didn't even know I had an account then, would notice and be suspicious. So, I tried to instigate some kind of 'friendly conversation' with her by sending multiple subsequent messages, even though she wasn't responding further. I really should have known even as sympathetic as she was, this just wasn't a realistic idea.

Cutting to the point and skipping forward a little, I'm being overtaken by the urge to do the same thing I did before, not to try and talk to her, but just to inform her of how I feel. But deep down, I know I shouldn't. As I mentioned a few paragraphs up, there's a considerable possibility that she has a significant other by now, whether she did before or not. Also, I feel like she'd be bothered by it at this point, even if she doesn't have an SO. I ignored my limits and only managed to make a fool of myself, it seemed such an irresistible temptation to get to remain in contact with her, but I never actually did have that opportunity.

I don't know what to do. Does anyone know of a way I can beat this urge? I know this limerence most likely isn't doing me any good, and might be toxic. I need advice...

Nevermind this, just forget about it.

At this point, I am a bygone memory to her. I feel like such sh,it right now. Fu,ck my life, for real.

Hey, don't give up, I'm sure there's hope! I am a 66-year old man and have been in four limerence-based relationships in the last few years. It is just so difficult. All of mine have been long-distance without any face-to-face contact, except for one...

In three out of four cases, I have gone completely against the advice of others and at various points have tried to re-contact these women. In the ugliest case, I finally told the woman I didn't want to be in her friend zone anymore and she began a nasty narcissistic verbal/emotional abuse campaign targeting me. Now we are somewhat back in touch, and just an hour ago I sent her a whatsapp audio message.

In another case, I had an online relationship with a young woman from another country and for awhile, it was anything but platonic as we were sexting each other constantly. But in the end it turned out she had had a boyfriend for much of this time and was telling me various lies. And to make matters much worse I have given some of these women money, quite a bit in fact. In this most recent one I just mentioned, she broke off all contact when I discovered her lies and I have never heard another word from her. But I have tried to contact her. Even more damaging and degrading, I have done a lot of googling and internet research on her-- I don't even know what I would expect to find, but it reflects the obsessive nature of our addictions.

I know I am not offering you a lot of hope because I haven't beat this thing and like you, I do try to re-contact these women. I guess the only sign of progress is that I am now not actively communicating with an l/o.

My substitute? A porn addiction. Sheeesh...

People like you and I are just scared to death of real relationships. One logical route might seem to be getting at the root of our attachment issues. But like with all addictions, it's more important to just stop the behavior. Easier said than done, right?

Hey caughtinafray,

On the positive side you are aware you are experiencing limerence. That doesn't make the compulsive thoughts stop, but it is a big step towards a change. Problem with limerence being there is a pleasant aspect to the compulsion, and you may not be ready to give that part up yet.

How are you doing forming relationships with others who are present and open to a relationship? Any other relationships, or are you avoiding other potential relationships?

I'd like this thread to be locked now