GF's Lack of Hobbies Due To Upbringing

Hi,

(Note - this is long; the two questions are in bold near the bottom)

I'm an intellectual guy with a good number of interests and hobbies, and I'm passionate about lots of things. These hobbies are mainly easy, at-home kinda things - playing instruments, computer programming, online gaming, model building. I'm passionate about even things that I don't like - for example, I'd like to talk at length about reality TV shows, even though I never watch them.

I've always been known as the most intelligent person in our social circle, and I cringe to bring that up, but I'm saying it here because it may be relevant and I just want to talk to people about this issue. My family aren't usually very intellectual or thoughtful with these things, so if I moan about this to them, I think they think I'm being over-analytical or expecting unattainable standards.

My girlfriend and I have been together for many years, and we get on well and enjoy each other's companionship, and I love my girlfriend, but it's beginning to concern and annoy me more and more that she doesn't have any hobbies or passions, really. As we get older, I feel like this is a recipe for boredom or a slow, creeping incompatibility between us.

The things I do have always been things she knows about and doesn't show any disdain for, but even if she says "oh that's cool", I can tell she's displaying some contentment that I'm okay, that I'm happy, but it'll also be a kind of termination of further engagement of the topic or activity; a bit like when a parent gives a quick acknowledgement to a child when they show off something they've made, at a time when the parent is preoccupied with chores or something.

I can't get her to become very passionate about things other than her job, the household chores, and communication with family (mainly the first two). I know that some people just have a simpler outlook on life and are content with what some of us would think of as 'nothing'.

Her lack of interest or greater-understanding in most things, I think, affects our social life too, because she doesn't really contribute to conversations meaningfully, except when in the presence of her own friends, some of whom have a similar mindset. I think sometimes she thinks I don't organise many social events involving my own friends because I'm lazy and reclusive, but it's partly they're all more intellectual.

I feel strongly that the reason my girlfriend is like this is because of her upbringing. Her parents have always strongly encouraged a life where one focuses on work, family, punctuality, and in a sense, fun in moderation; staying stable. Her family think of too much of the modern world as part of the technology that they, personally, aren't really interested in, and I think much of my discussion of the world today is a kind of evangelism of technology, when really it isn't. I think that this attitude has strongly rubbed off on my girlfriend.

My upbringing was similar in some ways, but my parents were definitely forgiving and encouraging when it came to hobbies and friends, and I found school easy and did well. These days, I can handle work and life well and manage to secure loads of free time for myself to pursue my interests.

The thing is, she also has the time to do anything she wants. We live together, far enough from family that she shouldn't feel bound by them in any way. We have enough time and money for her to do anything, but I think that she doesn't expect to enjoy anything beyond her very restricted comfort zone, and thinks that things are for other people, not her - whether that's a sport, an online game, arts and crafts, collecting something, reading up on something, learning an instrument, or getting into reading fiction in a way that isn't the odd book when we're on a flight - or any hobby I haven't listed because perhaps my own conscience of these personal pursuits is limited.

What would you do about this? Are there personality types I can read up on, which match myself or her?. I mainly want this to change for her, because I feel like she's missing out.

What are people's thoughts on the upbringing thing? I quite wanted to spark some general discussion on that, from a psych point of view.

Peace out

Whether it is because of the upbringing or not is a topic for research, but the answer is not going to help you. You cannot force her to take interest in things she is not interested in and become like you, any more than you can be forced to lose interest in everything and become like her.
I think you must learn to respect her lack of interest, otherwise what you fear may happen. After all, you chose her and have been getting on well with her for many years in spite of her lack of interest. Why the sudden change of heart?

If you don't like her the way she is, leave her. You don't get into a relationship with one person hoping that they will become a different person. It's naive at best.

Thanks for your replies.

It's not really a sudden change of heart, just something I finally decided to try and discuss elsewhere. And I do like her, she has many qualities I like, but sometimes I stand back and realise our differences, but I don't really have the desire to just say "we're too different, I'm going to leave you", I actually want to try to inspire her with things she may begin to enjoy. Like I was saying, I'm concerned that she's not enjoying life enough, but addressing that by just pointing that out won't help her - I want to find something that improves her mood and enriches both our lives, but something that doesn't just play into her usual creature comforts, even if that part has a selfish element.