Attachment to mother figure - unsure what to do about it

Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting on this forum. I've seen similar threads posted before about this topic and I was hoping I could get some insight on it.

I'm only realising it now (aged 19, female), but throughout my life I seem to have had infatuations for older female figures (mostly teachers), but none have been as intense as my current fixation on a coworker of mine. She is ten years older than my own mother, and acts very maternally towards me.


I happen to identify as queer/bisexual (I thought I was gay for a couple of years), however my romantic/sexual feelings towards women seem different to these kind of feelings towards what I presume is a mother figure obsession. I have a history of obsessive, limerent crushes; I am able to better control it as I become more mature, but I still struggle with limerence.

The best way I can describe my feelings towards my coworker is the limerence in a non romantic/sexual context (although I suppose that could be the case, but it's very suppressed if so). I genuinely want her to be my mother.
I feel guilty for this as I have a mother, but her own mental trauma from childhood makes it difficult for her to connect with me on an emotional level. She gets angry with me frequently, so I don't talk to her about emotional issues. If I try to communicate that I'm struggling with something, she will guilt trip me and compare it to her own traumatic childhood. I don't feel as open with her or even as loved as I do by my coworker.
My coworker seems to know me intimately and shows concern if I'm the slightest bit stressed or down - I'm always surprised as it's not usually noticed by other people, not even my own parents.

I have a very close relationship with my coworker; she has a son my age (I actually dated him for a month but she doesn't know that) and two older daughters in their thirties, and a grandchild as of recently.
She is a very emotionally expressive person. She is very protective of me, trusts me with sensitive matters, and is very physically affectionate (something I don't remember getting much from my own mother. She likes to brush my shoulder if I look stressed, for example; it's these sorts of subtle touches that'll make me more attached/obsessed).
If I am going away for two days, she will tell me that she'll miss me; when I return she will say how happy she is to hear my voice again. She hugs me at least once a day. She has described me as another daughter to her (and even "You are my daughter"), and even told me she loves me.

I've been trying to keep my distance from her because I feel guilty for obsessing over her like this, however recently I'm starting to think she actually encourages my behaviour.

I have low self esteem, and because of that I can't think why she cares for me so much - especially as she has children of her own. I'm usually good at empathising, but I can't see why she likes me so much and why she behaves this way.
I suspect she may have attachment issues of her own - she has mentioned once how she misses her own parents (who both passed away years ago), and said once that she still feels like she needs to be mothered - despite being both a mother and a grandmother.

I feel the urge to revert back to a childlike state when I'm around her - I get invasive thoughts of wanting her to hold me, cuddle me, tell me she loves me, etc (the fact she's physically affectionate doesn't help).

Part of me feels guilty for obsessing over her, yet another part of me says there's no harm if the feeling of attachment is mutual and if she seems to encourage the behaviour. What also complicates the situation is that her son is my ex (although we only dated a month and a half). He does know we work together and that I'm close to his mother, but I wonder how he would feel if I continued to be close to her. I'm going to university next year and I hope to still be close to her, but I do fear not seeing her as often.

What should I do? Should I keep my distance from her, even though we both seem happy having this close relationship?