Is mom being cool?

I am concerned about my wife. When I met her she already had a child, now 15 she is behind in school, on drugs, is on her way to juvenile hall, and the mother is allowing her to smoke her pot. She seems uninvolved in her life and wants to hand the issue over to me as well as blame me somehow, (...she's that way because of you!). I am trying to get the child re-enrolled in school and to guide her the best I can but I think she needs inpatient therapy long term. I believe she has done some damage to her brain from multiple doses of ecstasy and alcohol as well as overdoses of cold medicines that have landed her in the ER. Mom has subverted or negated my guidance on almost all occasions as if this were her old buddy from college and taken her to concerts with satanic music and allowed her almost everything that should be kept for college years-those times you learn the hard way. I cannot get her to counseling (either one) and I'm afraid it might end up in mom losing her professional license and her custody if I can't help her see the light. She does not drink or drug too much but she does not parent, either. Well, let's start with that. Does anyone have any suggestions? By the way, myself and the two young boys of mine are pretty happy and on the straight and narrow!

I am not quite clear on who you are talking about. Is your wife the 15-year-old that is on all manner of drugs, or is the teenager your stepdaughter?

Regardless, why are you worried that this "cool mom" (who is abusive, in actuality) would lose custody of her daughter? I think that's exactly what should happen since her inability to parent could help kill this young girl? I think there's precious little time to save the 15-year-old from herself, and whatever that takes has to happen. That "mom" isn't a mother at all.

if you're on the straight and narrow and your sons are as well, what would you do if they started taking tons of drugs? I'd hope that you'd get them help immediately, and have the strength to put your foot down. That's a parent's job... it isn't optional.

i too had a daughter at a very young age...i have found over the years that ive been a bit soft on her..though not to the extent your wife has!. just let her get away with a few things most parents wouldnt. when i met my fiance he questioned this....told me i was sending her on a path to trouble, that she needed more boundaries..he was right of course. after a lot of thought i realised i over compensated with her. i felt guilty at not giving her the right upbringing...the upbringing she deserved. i also had grown up with her as id had her so young...so it sometimes felt like a sibling relationship rather than a mother daughter thing.i found it very difficult to discipline her. i was lucky and grateful for my partners input and managed to turn things around...i thought shed be rebellious about the sudden rules and discipline but she loved it!. im glad to say shes now at college doing extremely well and is a joy.

i think they both could do with some family therapy...a third party telling her that what shes doing is very damaging might be a good idea. dont know what to suggest on the drug taking of the daughter and any other problems she may have though...best of luck.

Chickadee, what??? You don't really think I'm married to a 15 year old that has a teenager, do you? Yeah, mom's gonna lose her kids if she can't pull it together! Thanks. Thank you too, Jocasey.