Worried About Not Finding Love...

I'm only 18 and many people remind me of that when I say to them about how I constantly worry about not finding true love and getting married/having kids someday. Yet I can't help worrying.
I've had a few relationships before and some regrettable one night stands that left me feeling hollow, but the most defining moment in my relationship history is an on-again-off-again relationship with a schizophrenic guy (I'm bipolar myself). I loved him to death, we fought like crazy, we made up like crazy, it was intense. Yet now that's all well and truly over my main fear is....
...I fear that I'll never find anyone who truly loves me for me and accepts me totally for everything that comes in my package. Just stupid little things like the fact that I get anxiety from driving and will only ever drive in small country towns, never anywhere very populated - people don't understand that. When I'm in my depressive state, who will understand that? I guess the thing is with the boyfriend I had before I felt like he understood because he had issues just like I did. And I'm not attractive at all - I don't get hit on, I've been paid out on many occasions for my looks and my medication has made me large. Looks aren't everything and you shouldn't judge on appearance, but its what you notice initially if nobody looks past the looks to get to know me..oh, I don't know. I'm just ranting. I can't explain properly how I feel.
I don't know. I can't write this.

RustyAngel,

I know many men, who can love a woman, just for being her.
Not all men are that shallow. JMHO= Everyone at some point in their lives has asked that question.

Please, try to think of your self as attractive, 18 on anyone is attractive!

I believe everyone deserves love, and will recieve it, but you have to love and admire yourself, and then when you and not looking, that's when you will find it.

Best Wishes...
red

hmm i think 18 is young enough. .

maybe you should not put too much pressure in it yet. . just enjoy your life, you are too young to get worried on that. it will just come unexpectedly and the one you really deserve. Because if you pressure yourself much, you might end up with the wrong one.

RustyAngel73

I understand what you are feeling. I'm Bipolar with alot of other issues and believed when I was younger that I would never find someone to accept me for who i am. I jumped right into my first marriage without thinking about "do I love him" and stayed married for 9 years even though he loved my best friend for half of our marriage. He never understood me and never tried to understand. He made fun of me and my issues with out care. I have learned over time that I needed to be myself and when I found someone who could handle me being myself then I would be ready to marry again. I did find him and he doesn't understand exactly what I'm going through but does allow me to be myself and asks questions when he doesn't understand something. He allows me to be Ocd and accepts me for me. Keep faith that there is someone out there for you. Just be yourself and he will find you and when he does wether he understands your condition or not he will accept you for it. Keep your chin up and know you are not alone.

I'm 46 & have not been in a relationship since age 24 due to BP, except for a few flings. I doubt i ever will, because i have no car, the US runs on money, it all depends on that, & i don't have any worth mentioning.

Once i get stabilized on Geodon i want to try volunteering at a progressive cafe - about the only chance i'd have out in these sticks. My personality could outweigh being broke in an environment like that.

SmallTalkRed wrote:RustyAngel,

and then when you and not looking, that's when you will find it.

red....

i know you mean good with good heartfelt intentions. but, i really am sick and frigg'n tired of EVERYONE saying that. they don't have to deal with the issue of loneliness, solitude, sorrow....they have someone in their lives. even if their mate dies for whatever reason, a lot of remaining mates have the kids left to focus all their time and attention on. take their kids away too, then we probably a very tear jerking situation at hand.


but trust me red trust me....i tried how frigg'n hard to be that 'obdient' and 'patient' little girl. one who said their prayers every night, read their bible, tried to live a godly life.....and what do i get in return? an EXACT TO THE TEE answer to my prayers i was looking for in a husband, who goes and has absolutely NO feelings of romance nor emotion for me, says we're an incompatible personality match, tells me don't get my hopes up, and i'm not worth a long term relationship. its been 6 years now since meeting that dickweed who married my ex-best friend instead of me and i've given up. i don't have hope anymore. i don't have faith. anyman i even TRY to give MAYBE a two second consideration to...doesn't even last that long anymore.

so i might as well get used to flying solo for the rest of my life. doing $#%^ on my own. by myself. i don't know what i did to the world when i was younger to make the world hate me. now, sure, i'll just hate you all right on back and get used to it.....