just venting...

I always lose friends, and I'm so sick of this crap. I've had people I used to be best friends with start to ignore me and give me dirty looks... I've had too many "falling outs" to count. I make friends with the wrong people who end up taking advantage of me. I can't bring myself to trust people I've been friends with for years. And I end up acting weird and "not myself" out of anxiety, and it ends up scaring people away. So I'm done, I don't care anymore. Screw it. I don't need anyone. I just would like to know what the hell is wrong with me that this keeps happening. Sure, I'm a bit overly sensitive, and I get in some pretty bad moods. And yeah, my issues might be hard for people my age to understand. But I'm compassionate, and I haven't ever abandoned a friend when they needed me. I haven't even abandoned an enemy when they needed help, for God's sake. The only people who seem to really "get" me are adults in my life who I'm close to, which is nice, but I'm a teenager and I need friends my age, too, or so I THOUGHT… But whatever. I'm done.

Nuh-uh...you dont want to be done. Being done with people ###$ you up bad in the long run. It's the people we surround ourselfs with....unfortunatly most teenages are not to insightful or understanding. Yet some are.

Did you lose a friend recently.

Thanks for your reply, Jamie.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but it seems like my cousin who I'm pretty close with has been ignoring me... She used to e-mail me all the time, but I haven't heard from her in months, despite attempts to contact her. Same with one of my only guy friends... And I can't possibly imagine what I did to turn these people off, because I mostly comunicated with them via e-mail. And two of my "best friends", I just can't stand anymore: they don't understand why I can't be peppy all of the time like they are and why I don't like to talk about sex all the time, and why I'm in only 1 Accellerated course in school, because my anxiety disrupts my ability to learn, while they're both in 4 Accellerated courses. We have nothing in common anymore, and yet they haven't given up on our friendship. The whole thing is touching, but I just want out.

Over time the saying pick your friends wisely makes more and more sense. I'm the parinoid type aswell....yet i havent any friends, perhaps one or two. But it there isnt any consistency...meaning if suddenly there not as they always are, if we dont talk asmuch as we usually do and ect. I get parinoid and assume the relationship is over, or atleast doomed.

With your cousin could it be that she has found a boy or girl she has become interested in....when communication like that teeters off thats usually one of the more likely scenarios. When someone has found a romantic interest they suddenly forget everything else that was once routine. Which would include Emailing you. Or perhaps lifes been hectic recently for her, or she's been feeling low. I'd just be there, give it some time, then when the opportunity presents itself express your concerns to her.Most likely it's nothing to do with you...not you turning them off but something within there own lives.

If you cant stand your "best friends" then cut them loose. If they cant understand you its most likely because they arent even trying.