Unsure As To Whether To Contact Him?

I used to post threads about my guy friend. Here is the story that was written eighteen months ago:

"My friend and I used to be good friends. Talk on the phone to each other etc. Then it stopped because he became isolated and lost contact with all his friends. He suffers with Social Anxiety and Schizo-affective Disorder. His isolation has caused him a lot of depression and stress. He rarely goes out. Doesn't answer the door or phone to anyone. The only contact he has is with his parents on a three week gap.

We haven't spoken to each other for two years. I have sent him a letter once a month and send a text/phone call once every two weeks. I did this because I value his friendship and love him very much.

Two years ago, he had a breakdown. When I rang his mobile phone, I got the message, You have dialed an incorrect number. Please check the number and redial. I got very concerned but two weeks later, I dialed the number again. The phone was working.

Two years ago, I went to his flat and became friends with his neighbour. I got very concerned and wanted to know how he was. The neighbour gave me some insight about my friend. Saying he doesn't have anyone come see him and he is extremely isolated. He took my details and informed me he would get in touch the moment he sees my friend. That same day, I was very lucky to knock on his front door and talk to him. My friend didn't answer the door but he was listening.

That evening, his mum rang me to let me know my friend was OK. He wouldn't speak to me on the phone because he was very shy. Laughing and blushing. My friend doesn't have much experience with women. So he blushes and gets shy when I make contact. She did say I could contact her again to find out how he is doing.

After that call, he didn't contact me. I knew with his fear/anxiety he wouldn't. This was two tears ago. I still sent a letter once a month to him but still no reply from him.

Three months later, I tried to phone his mobile phone and the same message that happened a year ago. You have dialed an incorrect number. Please try the number and redial. Left it a few months and tried his phone number again last night and it's still the same.

Reasons for my friend's isolation

We just spoke more on the phone more then we did face to face. He got into touch with his other friends but after they didn't bother with him, he sank deeper into isolation. My friend prefers to be with friends in person more then talking on the phone.

We went out for a meal one time with his father. My friend was incredibly nervous to sit next to me but his father got him too. Once we were alone together, he started to open up to me. He was laughing. He stared hard into my eyes and started to look at my lips. Once his father was around, my friend was in a shell. Wouldn't speak etc. My friend's dad is an emotional abuser. My friend's low self esteem is because of his father. That night he was very happy. He even admitted to me once in a conversation, that he was happy being with me.

Part of my friend's condition is having mood swings. His father is the kind of person, who will snap at him for being moody. You speak only when I say and if you are rued to me, you will get a rued comment said at you. That's what my friend's dad is like. So my friend thinks he is a bad person to be around with. So he avoids all social contact because of his bad experience with his dad.

We used to talk a lot to each other on the phone. He doesn't feel comfortable with hanging around with females due to not having much experience with them. When I went down there to speak to him, he was listening. I got in touch with his mum and asked her to contact me to let me know how he was doing. She phoned me and I could hear him laughing, giggling and blushing in the background. His mum said, he was extremely shy to talk to me.

His relationship with his mother is not very close. She is not aware of my friend's isolation. She is not emotionally involved within his life. He has no friends. No one comes to visit him. He spends most of his life alone in his flat.

I am the only friend/person who makes contact but his extremely shy to talk to me. With his isolation it became extremely difficult to reach him."

UPDATE:

It's been exactly eighteen months since I last tried to reach out to him. I have not sent him a letter - nothing! I have finally been able to move on from our broken friendship. I am working and I am focusing on my future. But I do find myself every now and again think about him. Often I wonder how he is?

As of lately I have been thinking about him and wondering how he is doing. I think, maybe I could write him a letter and let him know how I am doing in life. Or perhaps I could contact his mum and find out how he is doing. Or I could email his neighbour and ask how my friend is doing. But on the other hand, I fear in case it could trigger something off. Like what if the result end up worse. Like in case he has ended up in hospital or something else? The only form of contact I have of contacting him is via letter or visiting his home. I fear in case I come broken again. Because it was a friendship which I tried to fix but you know the saying, you can't help those who can't help themselves. It did cause me great pain and heartbreak. I am scared but still curious to make some kind of contact.

Please can someone offer their advice or something please?

This sounds like a pretty difficult situation and I feel for you. I have someone I wish to re-connect with and it feels similar.

What kind of things do you write in the letters to him? I think that with anyone who may have an avoidance attachment style especially with a PD to go along with it some things that may seem comforting to us could be pretty scary to deal with.

It sounds like you really care about him. So the best advice I can offer is to be prepared for two things.

#1. To continue on with your life. He can't be the center of your life when he does not interact regularly with you.
#2. You can consider keeping very consistent / regular outreach (i.e. sending letters) to him. But don't expect anything necessarily in return (though they will probably be appreciated) and perhaps try not to make them too personal as that might touch too deeply for him to be able to deal with.

There may be a lot of shame associated with his not feeling comfortable enough to return your contact. I of course don't know the situation, so I could be completely wrong.

Just make sure if you do tread, do so lightly.