CoDependency?

I think that because you can say no to some people means you are not really co-dependent. If you could never say no to anyone I would rather think you were co-dependent.

But again, this is just what I understand of co-dependency and may not be true.

How are things going nowadays?

Thexena wrote:I think that because you can say no to some people means you are not really co-dependent. If you could never say no to anyone I would rather think you were co-dependent.

But again, this is just what I understand of co-dependency and may not be true.

How are things going nowadays?

Had a great week. THAT girl has been staying at home with her BF, and I haven't seen her in some time now. But today she is back in town. And she wants to do some homework together. I will challenge myself, but this time I think I will do better. I have found that she is manipulative, and always hinting for me to say she is pretty. But THAT is where I draw the line because I feel very uncomfortable being compelled against my will, when commenting physical appearance.

I didn't want you to think I have a huge co-dependency. It's not extreme in any way. I only want to know some thoughts on the topic.

Codependency does occur more or less depending upon which person you are relating to. Because opposite sex relationships are the most complicated, this its the relationship that is most common or people to have severe codependency issues in. Therefore, you can be relatively less codependent on other people simultaneously.

Codependency is actually a sickness that most of the population has at least some traits of. The questions isn't whether someone is codependent or not, the question is how codependent someone is, and how this codependency makes their lives unmanageable. Codependency is on a scale of lesser traits, all the way up to severe traits. There is no-one on Earth who doesn't have some codependency.

Codependency is formed when we are children and in our first relationship- that is with our parents. If a person's mother is needy and insecure and weak, that child will try to compensate by becoming strong and 'giving' and 'pleasing' in order to help her mother, and thus will do the same as an adult.
Likewise, if a person's mother is dominating, that child will learn to become passive, non-assertive about one's own needs and feelings, and to put the parent's needs and feelings over one's own self. As an adult, as you can see, he will allow his romantic partner to dominate him, make the decisions for him, and he will constantly second-guess his own intuition and feelings.

The most common toxic romantic relationship by far, is the one where one partner is the dominant person in the relationship, and the other person is submissive. You can see, from the paragraph above, where the origins of this is. Additionally, this relationship is called 'toxic' because it causes the submissive person to lose his sense of self, the longer he stays in the relationship. Also, the partner in the powerful position, gains a distorted view of themselves as being more powerful than they actually are, as a result of being in the relationship. You can see that this means that each partner, as a person, becomes increasingly codependent, and increasingly sick, as the codependency begins to affect more and more parts of their lives. The dominant partner will go on to believe that she is 'all that' and 'better than' most other people.

As part of your story, your friend has increasingly enjoyed your attention on her. She lives off of your attention, she soaks it up. It is not you who she enjoys being with; it is anyone who gives her focused, undivided, attention- which she believes she deserves. She doesn't care about what happens to you, what circumstances you have to go through in order to provide or her, or any sacrifices you make for her.

You can see that opposites attract, and that this leads each partner downhill into sickness. Another common term for a codependent relationship, is an 'addictive relationship', because it is so very hard to break up and to let go. One reason it is hard to let go, is that you are trying to get your 'attachment needs' met - those needs that were not met by your parents when you were a very small child. And that you (subconsciously) believe that this person represents your parent/s, and that now you will finally be able to 'get' what you never got as a child. Thus, while it might feel like you are in love, what you really in is attachment neediness. Why would you want to disappoint your parent? Why would you want to leave your parent, of course you want to get your parent's approval.
Your partner represents your parent.

So codependency has been called a dance, between a dominant partner and a submissive partner. One leads, the other follows, as in a dance. But it's not a fun dance, and you get tragically stuck in that dance, unable to pry yourself free.

If you are wondering why it is that you subconsciously can't stop yourself from giving too much of yourself to someone, that you over give to the detriment of your own health and wellbeing, and that you are hurting your own self this way, but that you can't or don't want to stop, this is addiction, this is codependency.

Hi OwlJulie,

This thread is 4 years old and the original poster(s) are no longer here to read. But it was a good post nonetheless.

Take Care