I feel like I am becoming my boyfriends mother

Hey there

I have a new boyfriend, haven't been dating long since November. We dated in 2010 briefly but I was still getting over my abusive ex so wasn't in the right mind. He avoided me afterwards for a while and got a girlfriend. Their relationship lasted a year and a half. They moved in together.

After some time I realised that I still liked him. I found out he had a girl and put it behind me.
Then he split with his girlfriend and I invited him to a party. He came and we ended up making out. He admitted that he had just split with his girlfriend so I said to him that if he wants to rekindle things then he should contact me after some time. A month later he invited me for dinner and we've been dating since.

I am having doubts about our compatibility. I am 26 and have had my issues with meaningless relationships. I am keen not waste time with a relationship that doesn't suit. The guy is 25. I had my reservations about his age as I am finding that guys who are older tend to be more mature and take things a lil bit more seriously.

I feel that he puts me on a 'pedestal' and sees me as more than I am. He says I am 'cool' and a 'socialite' who knows everybody. I don't deny some of that but it does make me uncomfortable and he seems to separate me from him, as though he isn't 'good enough maybe?!.

He also seems to lack self confidence in his ambitions, he is a very fussy eater (I find this extremely annoying, but he hoe!), he recently left my bedroom in a right mess after staying over before leaving to go out, he does not eat fruit or very healthy and he has folliculitis on the back of his head for which he has had for 9 years and has never seen a dermatologist about. He says he has tried to get rid of it but never saw a specialist about it? I find myself 'telling him off' and he takes a guilty child resopnse to me. Not sure I am comfortable with this dynamic.

My main point is - I have this urge to just take over and completely mother him and help him man up a bit. To an extent this is normal for a woman - but it isn't really what I thought I wanted in a partner - I feel that I need someone of more equal standing or someone who I can learn from. I feel that I have lived more than him and like i have grown further within myself than him. I am sure that he has strengths that I may not possess but I have failed to see what I can learn from him yet.

if I am picking at these small things then I guess I don't see him as compatible or am I just over thinking this>? Is the problem me?

Maybe he's simply not the type of guy that you're looking to enter into a serious relationship with. I personally got the feeling that you're almost looking for a sort of father figure, which is neither right or wrong but rather preference in a partner.

Hey Kabuhi,

Thanks for your reply. I think this guy wants a motherly figure because he seems to encourage that tendency that I have. I don't particularly want a 'father' figure, but I do want someone with a bit more life experience or someone who is of my standing, so that we are on an equal starting point???

Maybe he's just to different from me - this is a good thing it means you learn from each other but I am raking my brain to see what I can learn from him - I am sure there is something.

We do have shared values, the sex is good, we are into music but something is missing .....