Interpersonal Problems

Ex and I have been separated for a fair amount of time now. Close to a year, I was with her for four.

I've always had severely troubled relationships with people as a a result of my past/personality etc and this one with my ex was no different. We ended on really bad terms in my opinion and now, while I feel the worst of it is over with processing the emotion from the breakup, I still find I get anxious when she enters my thoughts.

Well actually, she can enter my thoughts now without much anxiety, its just if I happen to see a picture of her or hear news of her that I get somewhat anxious. I've creeped her facebook a few times. Not anything malicious, just to look at a few pictures of her new life and de-sensitise myself to the notion of her having a life outside of mine. The problem is I want the anxiety to go away completely and I know that's never going to happen for someone like me. Okay, it might, in the future, but probably not anytime soon. Anyway, what are some other good ways to minimize anxiety regarding my ex?

Also, on a side note, I feel a big part of my interpersonal relationship problem stems from the fact that I really care about my interactions with other people. On a superficial level (Oh no, did what I say sound stupid) but also on a deeper one (This person is living a life just like me and they have problems and hopes and dreams and traumas and I should respect them for their humanity and be sensitive to their needs)

But, after what I would call a fairly huge string of let-downs, betrayals and dis-respectful actions I find my faith in people lacking and this prevents me from forming close connections in my life right now. I often make a good first impression on people but as the weeks go by I distance myself emotionally. I also feel that I put a fair amount of emotion into my relationships and when I don't get the results I expect I back way way off. I feel that high expectations might be a factor here. I realize that socializing is also something that must be practiced and not everyone will like you and some will even hate you for reasons you will never know. Thoughts people?

Oh, and that's another thing. I'll often get guilty if I let my guard down with someone. I'll be in my bed at night and think that it was stupid of me to do so. I know part of the reason behind this is that I lie a fair amount when I do let my guard down. I'll embellish my past a little bit. Mostly I am truthful to a high degree and I will divulge all the details with slight embellishment. I won't make up something or omit. That could be a big part of the guilt, perhaps all of it. It was a much more severe trait in the past.

So that side note was really more of a part two. Any advice would be appreciated.

I have a relationship with GOd, a higher power that I take everything to. I attempt to forgive everyone over n over.. IT keeps my sanity.

Relationships with people are out of my control. I take my chances.

Short and to the point, but not without some insight. Thanks.

Sounds like you want to be in control of these relationships - which is normal to an extent. You've got to get used the lack of control in the way people react to you. If you've got problems trusting people and being vulnerable then the best advice I would say is to 're train' yourself. Perhaps you could do some volunteering like mentoring or be friending and use this is a way of building up your interpersonal skills and a sense of trust. It could take some time but you'll get there.

Try some meditation to deal with the anxiety. It has helped me....