Feel so alone

First of all, I want to say that I am a newbie and I am male in my late 20's. still studying and have changed my major once, currently in a relationship. I am so easy at giving up, I dont really know whether it is because I was very encouraged enough to keep it going on or anthing else, but for sure, I don't really know honestly, would I be able to post this question at all or not... so I jst want to get a little encouragement via replies plz


It all started, probably when I completed college and I met this girl. She was so good at lying. She was practically and literally a bitch. I was so into her, for Christ sake, I tried to make it work with her for more than 4 years but then I left her, she tried to call me several times from even unknown numbers to talk to me, but I always hung up on her. She sent me msgs asking whats matter and why I was not responding to her and u wont believe that I even deleted her messages without reading them complete. I don't know what made me so much rebelling against her, but I never did. Lets call her N.

As a result, I start dating an other girl, lets call her O. We were good except I always hide from her about N and as a consequence, she discovered about N and she broke up with me.

Then, I after 1 year and half, started dating one of a girl ( P ), who already knew about N and O herself but even then she gave it a shot. Honestly, we were not so good. I always thought about N and O all the time, and P was so much good and better than N and O. She was sexier, she was romantic, she was a good listener and even she was so much intellectually better than both ones but we didn't survive. She left me so quickly. I tried to ask her to give me an other chance but she never did, even after my so many tries...

Now........

I am highly short tempered. I am always in a state of being angry all the time. No matter, I am so much mad about everything, so much mad at everyone. I don't know how to like, how to love. I cant even encourage taste of food even.

I am so much ironic. Everything is irony near me. I never ever let anything be spared off my irony. I always taunt every people everybody. I always try to pick bad points of people's personality. I always feel my self thinking negatively or in other words, I have become a pessimist.

I am always frustrated from things. I feel always denial from the family, from the society. Even if somebody may try to be friend with me, I cant last long enough to be friend with them and as a result, I find myself always alone, everywhere. Many times, I see people chit chatting with each others, I always feel jealous and when somebody ask me out of courtesy to join them for chat, I may go but I never find anything to talk about. I always feel at that time that why am I so dull and dumb? I even tried it hard by going with them over weekends and cafe, but no improvements at all.

I cant trust anybody any word of what they say.

My current girl friend, I don't even goes to her now. She always complains about my behavior too. I never told her about any of my eX's because she is a lot jealous-type person and I know very well that she may also run away from me, because that's what people judge.

As a result, I have made myself alone and limited to my room, all by myself, watching movies and porno's and masturbating over them time and time, with a guilt of it. feeling thin and so much lean and skinny and unattractive, with a very negative approach towards others along with angry all the times which, I want to stop it all and wanna spend a normal life. People say that I shouldn't care about others, Let them think what they think, but Its also so hard for me. I cant bear even a single light joke about myself, that's why people consider me a cocky and creepy and avoid coming to me.

I have no concentration in studies, in my relationship, in my family into anything.

Please, please please, if u ever find yourself into such situations or experienced it with others, please help me like 911.

I'm not trying to be rude, but I think you need to grow up if you want to improve your relationships. This OP comes across as written by a person who is mentally and emotionally immature and lacks the personal growth as a person to respond to situations appropriately. It reads as though you're a child or teenager, but you're actually in your late 20s.

That said, I don't know exactly what your circumstances and background are like so maybe I'm missing a piece of the greater puzzle.