A cheeky liar

Have you ever reacted to something weird being said by someone you know?

I am not talking about the obvious but that one comment that sounded so bizarre that you just laughed at it, but then later realized that the person actually meant it.

I have been in a relationship with a man who said something as a joke but then later after i found out some things about him, i learned that he was just playing a part with me.

And that thing he said was actually not just a joke.

I don`t know if that kind of behaviour has a name? Haven`t heard of any, so that`s why its a bit difficult to describe what i mean.
Its something somebody says and at the time when they say it its like a joke that you both laugh at, but him disguising it as a joke is really a mild way to find out if i am ok with it, or what type of reaction i will have to it.

A bit cheeky or a tell tale remark that isn`t so telling?

Sometimes when people tell a joke it can be hard to know if they mean it or not, if its any seriousness to the #######4 or just an idiot trying desperately to get attention?

What do you think? Is he without self confidence?
I never saw him like that, he had recently lost 30kg and wasn`t exactly shy when it came to dating people, so i don`t think that was the reason for the comment.

Is he manipulative? Narcissist?

People like that often leave others feeling dumb struck because they didn`t see what he was doing..so he was conniving. I know he suffers from compulsive lying syndrom, but that comment wasn`t a lie, the performance was.

Do you think he was smart or just stupid?

I can tell you that the comment was stupid-which is why i laughed at it, but it was also a hidden suggestion and question.

If you are friends or partner with a type like that it can often be difficult to go up against them because they were only joking.

I knew if i spoke up against him i would be a competition so i didn`t.

Its the type of situation where you are in the same boat-and he friendly comes up with a joke..
You feel as if he is your friend, and he makes you laugh so why should you doubt him? He has already stated how ridiculous that suggestion was.

In so many relationships we take people for who they are and then we find them to be completely different when we are with them all by ourselves.

In my age i am wondering what honesty really is?
Many people have secrets they don`t want to share, some people have had relationships that they don`t want to talk about-is that lying? No! Its withholding right?
So the difference between a liar and someone withholding can`t really be that big?

What do you think?

What type of lie could you forgive?
And what do you accept that people withhold?

I can harmless forgive lies; in fact, I don't really care that much whether someone tells me the truth of not. I'm intolerant of behavior from others that becomes detrimental to myself, however. I'll cut a person who does harm to me out of my life real fast if I can.

I have experienced the type of behaviour you are describing but I am not sure what the name is.

It’s hard to tell how he is just by the details in your post, but you could be right about him just testing you to see how you would respond.

I think there are varying degrees of lying. If someone lies to make themselves look good but it doesn’t cause any harm to anyone, I wouldn’t be happy they lied to me but I would be able to forgive them. However if their lie is harmful to others it would be more difficult.

When it comes to withholding, I think it depends on the information being withheld. If someone is withholding information because it is no one else/s business than I think that is fine. If someone did something that would hurt another and withheld it, like cheating on their partner, than that is the same as a harmful lie in my book.

I think it is fine to avoid talking about past relationships, since that would fall into the first category. They are in the past, and future partners don't need to know about them.

Lying stinks.