Emotionally detached female

Hi, I'm new here. I have been through quite a lot in my life. I now feel emotionally detached in most relationships, particularly romantic ones. I rely on alcohol to feel emotions and to be affectionate towards my boyfriend. Well, now ex boyfriend. I never feel a bond with anyone except my son, who has survived cancer twice. --> Part of why I'm messed up. I don't know how I can possibly love again and be in a meaningful romantic relationships. Any ideas?

One idea is that you're blocking you're emotions as a defense mechanism in order to avoid getting hurt. Somewhere in your life, you might have learned that opening up to others results in getting hurt and shut down to protect yourself.

A second idea is that you're suffering from depression since depression can create sudden changes in personality and loss of enjoyment in things one used to enjoy.

Hun, your child has survived cancer twice, and it sounds as if all your resources have gone into being there for him, worrying about his recovery, and somehow finding the strength to cope with all this. This is a huge biggie. You've also been through other things in your life. It's hardly surprising that you now feel somewhat numbed and detached. This doesn't mean that you will always feel that way. It's as if you've put all your feelings and emotions on hold for a while. Hun, a therapist can really help you to gain some clarity, perspective, and provide an outlet for talking about, and ultimately feeling, all those blocked up emotions. AA can help with the alcohol issues, which may or may not be your way of finding a crutch, but will in the long term complicate the matter.

Please seek support for yourself and let us know how you get on.

I really would like to talk to a therapist, but I feel as though there aren't many good ones around where I will. I guess I have a hard time with expressing myself and verbalizing my feelings, so until I can do that more effectively, a therapist wouldn't help much. I have seen a psychiatrist. I have been on many SSRIs that really don't help at all. I don't think my case can be solved with meds. I am in nursing school (in April I will have my RN) and I've worked at a nursing home for 10 years. I am very compassionate towards all my residents/patients and find happiness in making their day better and caring for them. I do feel a connection with all of them. I just don't understand how I can put up a wall when it comes to men and being in a romantic relationship. It's never been my priority to being in a relationship and I haven't had many serious ones. I used to always think "love" was a figment of one's imagination. I'm rambling so I should stop here.

I really would like to talk to a therapist, but I feel as though there aren't many good ones around where I will. I guess I have a hard time with expressing myself and verbalizing my feelings, so until I can do that more effectively, a therapist wouldn't help much. I have seen a psychiatrist. I have been on many SSRIs that really don't help at all. I don't think my case can be solved with meds. I am in nursing school (in April I will have my RN) and I've worked at a nursing home for 10 years. I am very compassionate towards all my residents/patients and find happiness in making their day better and caring for them. I do feel a connection with all of them. I just don't understand how I can put up a wall when it comes to men and being in a romantic relationship. It's never been my priority to being in a relationship and I haven't had many serious ones. I used to always think "love" was a figment of one's imagination. I'm rambling so I should stop here.

A good therapist can help to draw you out of yourself, and help enable you to verbalise your feelings slowly at your own pace,with no pressure on you. As the therapeutic relationship progresses, a level of trust should become established, which will enable you to talk freely about the matters that concern you. The therapist/client relationship is unique in that the focus of the sessions will be entirely about you - about your feelings, your concerns, your thoughts, your opinions etc. It is a relationship unlike any other, where the therapist will give you all the time that you need, and will let you sit and say nothing if that is what you feel you want to do until you can feel a level of trust. In any case, a good therapist will work on the underlying reasons why you find it difficult to verbalise and express your feelings. It sounds as if you're doing well and functioning well in other aspects of your life, and that the main problem lies in relationships. It is very often the case that people carry into their relationships the issues that they had with people in their earlier life, and therapy can help you to find a connection and a pattern that links the past with your present day attitudes when it comes to relationships.

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry, and I'm so happy your son made it through! I don't have any children, and definitely don't know exactly how you feel, but I have hit extreme lows where I have felt completely detached from myself and others. At the time I was very alone, afraid and sure if I would ever feel again.

I want you to know that it IS possible to recover and it WILL get better. You should consider yourself a survivor, you made it through a very difficult experience. You're most likely emotionally shutdown because you were so overwhelmed and unable to 'exist' in the situation. So your body kind of lived in motion, while your spirit checked out.

I am not fully recovered, but I am starting to feel a little more each day. The best advice I have for you is to be social, force yourself to spend time with loving people. It will help remind you that people love and care for you. Spend time on yourself too, make sure you give yourself time to re-cooperate. Coming on here for support is a great start. If you can, try therapy! If not, let your loved ones know how you are feeling, I hope you have some good friends you can lean on. Don't EVER be afraid to ask for help.

All my best wishes go out to you, good luck and stay strong!