He's not my ex

I am trying really hard to remember this but it's difficult sometimes. My ex was extremely abusive in every way. The only thing that he didn't do to myself and my family was starvation or breaking our bones. We were together for 8 years before I was able to escape him.

New boyfriend is NOTHING like this. He isn't abusive so don't mistake what I say here. I really like this guy. We have been friends for a year with that underlying feeling of wanting more. I wasn't ready, he was afraid of his feelings. We are committed now but still feeling cautious.

The issue that I have with him is that he isn't very affectionate. Ex never touched me unless it was to abuse me physically or sexually. He never kissed me, held me, hugged me. New friend hugs me and we cuddle but when he kisses me it's like he is kissing a friend. Nothing passionate and it's painful for me. We aren't intimate yet, by choice as we are both having all of the necessary STD testing done first.

The other problem I have is that we hang out together but we never go out and DO anything. When he has come here, he has never offered to help pay for the groceries that we are getting for a meal, he has never taken me out to dinner or a movie. He is making big purchases for himself but won't do the little things for me. What the heck? I won't be with someone who is stingy and doesn't hesitate to spoil himself but not offer me the basic things. Ex was the same way - brand new clothing and high end electronics for him, the kids and I shopped for used clothing and had to ask permission for EVERY purchase which was usually denied.

Now, I must say that these issues don't surprise me and I realize that he is testing me to see if I will be like all the others that he has dated. He has felt very used and taken advantage of so I am trying to be patient and see what happens but it scares me. I won't be with someone who is like this so I hope that he changes his tune soon or I will have to talk to him about it. I won't let this go - and if he doesn't make changes, I will not be with him anymore. There isn't a man on the planet that I can't live without if things aren't working. I am happy single and have been for almost 2 years now so having him is a bonus, not a necessity.

it scares me

If the situation scares you what's keeping you there?

There isn't a man on the planet that I can't live without ........ I am happy single and have been for almost 2 years now so having him is a bonus, not a necessity.

I reckon he is grooming you for some reason. Speak to his ex's. Findout whay they are an ex. They will know.

You should throw him out and remain single until you find someone who does not scare you.

HE doesn't scare me the possibility that he may be stingy or non affectionate does. It wouldn't matter who I was with at this point there would be something that scared me even if it was just my feelings for them.

Not sure where you get the idea that he is grooming me. He has past hurts just like I do. Everyone does those little things that sort of test someone when they have been hurt. Don't assume that he is abusive just because my ex was or someone from your past groomed you for things.

perhaps I mis read

anonimouse wrote:I shopped for used clothing and had to ask permission for EVERY purchase which was usually denied..............I realize that he is testing me to see if I will be like all the others

but to me that suggests grooming for something. And I do not think that is good for anyone.