My girlfriend was raped for 4 years

I am 21 years old and my current girlfriend is 19 years old. I found out about a month ago that she was being sexually abused by her step father for quite some time. Her step father married her mother when she was very young probably around 6 years old. From the time she was 6 until she was 13 he was a normal father and took good care of her. When she was 13 years old her mother got a job at a clothing store not far from the house and that's when it started. He started off by giving her the sex talk. Then he told her that she was weird and needed help making friends and finding a boyfriend. He told her that he was going to teach her how to make a guy want her. He started by making her take her clothes off and having her pose for pictures. He did this for some time then he eventually started to touch her. After some more time went by he made her start to touch him. He would only be able to do this about once a month at the time because her older brother still lived at home and he had to make sure her mother was working. Then when she was 15 years old he raped her. She still did not tell anyone and complained to him that it hurt. He had taken her virginity and he just told her that they have to do it more often so it would stop hurting. Then her brother left for college and her mom started working more. He would do it every weekend when she was in high school and over the summer he would do it twice a week. He did not let her get her drivers license or stay out at friends houses. Fast forward a few years and I come into the picture. We started dating last July and are currently still dating. The whole summer that we were dating she was also having sex with him twice a week. She would lie to me and tell me that she was a secretary at his office and that she worked 8am till 11am when she would actually be having sex with him in his bed.
Then on the weekends they would have more time so she would start by giving him a whole body massage with lotion then he would massage her body. Sometimes they would even watch pornography together. She would kiss all over his body and masterbate him until he got hard then they would have sex for about an hour in all different positions. Then she would take a shower and not even an hour after it happened I would come pick her up. Then we would go to my house and have sex. I would even go down on her before we did it. This makes me sick to my stomach and I really don't know how to handle the whole thing. I forgot to mention that as soon as she told me (after 3 months of having sex with both of us) we went right to the police station and reported him. I just don't know what to do about her lying to me this whole time. She also told me that they would do it before he went to work during the weekdays so she would set her alarm for 7am, wake up and walk over to his room. She tells me that she didn't want to but it's hard to believe when she would set her alarm, wake up and walk over all on her own. And that should would massage him and his on his body and rub him. She told me she loved me over the summer but if you really loved someone how could you lie to them about so much? I just don't know what to do

This is a very .. unfortunate (the best word I can muster at the moment) situation.

The question is complicated, but the answer is simple; you have to forgive her.

Someone who has been sexually abused for as long as she has, has led no other life than that one.
Maybe she felt as though she needed to do it because if she didn't, no one would love her.
He abused her at a very vulnerable time in her life. It is very important that you, someone who TRULY loves and cares about her, shows her that she can led a different life and actually be happy.

as i previously mentioned she used to tell me that she was "going to work with her dad" when she was actually having sex with him. a coworker told me today that over this past summer my girlfriend asked her to switch shifts because my girlfriend told the coworker that she had to work with her dad. i confronted my girlfriend and asked her why she would switch shifts at work so she could sleep with her dad while we were dating. i felt so betrayed i was furious. my girlfriend reacted first with anger telling me i shouldnt be talking about her. i said this isnt about me its about you now if you didn't like doing it why would you switch shifts to have sex with him. she said she lied to the coworker and the reason she switched shifts was to be able to sleep in and she just used working with her dad as an excuse. so i said it must just be a coincidence that you told me the same excuse when you would have sex with him. she said yes it was a coincidence. Am i an idiot for believing it? she calls it rape but she would do it without putting up any fight at all. she wouldnt even tell him no. how am i supposed to look at this in any other way besides cheating? am i being unreasonable?? wouldnt she have at least tried to tell one person over the 4 years of sex if it was that terrible?

I feel very sorry for your girlfriend. Not only has she been groomed and sexually abused by her step-dad when she found the courage to share this with you you seem to be trying to blame her in some way.
I do not believe, whatever you may think, that she felt she had any choice but to do as he asked her.
The poor girl has been a victim and it doesn't sound like you are being as supportive as you could be.
My advice would be to research this topic, speak to professionals and try to blame the adult in the position of trust rather than your girlfriend who has done NOTHING wrong!
I hope you can both get past this
Good luck x

Moodyzebra wrote:I feel very sorry for your girlfriend. Not only has she been groomed and sexually abused by her step-dad when she found the courage to share this with you you seem to be trying to blame her in some way.

This assuming she's telling the truth. Her recount suggests that he started grooming her when she was 13 but I wouldn't be surprised if the grooming actually started much earlier than that.

I dated a girl for three years who had gone through a similar situation with her grandfather. The grooming was sublte and the abuse was long term. So I have some experience dealing with this.
The truth is that your girlfriend's mental state of mind was arrested the first time she endured the trauma of the abuse. She is huritng more than you can imagine and her seeming "willingness" to contiune having sex with her abuser was a away yo try to manage that pain. Check out Mackenzie Phillips story and you may understand the situation a little more (her father was John Phillips of the Mamas and Papas).

If you love her you have to be ready to go through some rough patches. She will have trust issues and that she was comfortable enough to tell you means she cares for you a great deal and has revealled to you not only her darkest secret but also a source of shame for her. This is not something she is proud of and is probably something she doesn't even fully comphrend herself. There will be a lot of work to do if she wants to heal. You can help her by being supportive and offering a safe place, wether your in a relationship together or not.

She is the victim and by association you to have become a victim of a sick man's perversion.
Its a horrid situation...Stay strong, give of yourself what you can and most importantly look after yourself.

If you want to talk more openly or proivately I will gladly offer what advice I can.