Can Kindness Be A Form Of Abuse?

Hi Guys

I have a really important question to ask. This is posted under relationships because I don't know where the carer threads are. But first a brief description.

I work as a Support Worker. Looking after patients with mental health issues. One of the patients I support is a young man. He is quite withdrawn. He doesn't open at all to anyone. Isolates himself in his room for long periods of time. Quite anxious around people. In the evening, his mood lifts and he interacts with staff and other patients.

Since I started this job, I have found working with the other staff quite difficult. I don't agree with the approach they show this young man. He gets quite moody and they raise their voice to him which makes him more irritable. I have seen abuse take place.

I believe the patients should be treated with kindness and respect. I use a friendly, caring attitude towards them. I really want to help by making a difference in their lives.

Since I have started this job, I have managed to make a breakthrough with this young man. He has managed to open up to me. After a great period of time, we have managed to develop a bond. There is trust from both sides. He feels comfortable with talking to me. Smiles when he sees me. He says, I always make him feel better when he sees me.

Now he has something wrong with his blood, doctors are not sure what. When he rushes up from his bed, he shakes (has fits) and then faints. A couple of times I have been there when he has fainted.

Yesterday the manager pulled me aside and commented on me and this young man's relationship. She thinks my kindness can be seen as abuse. Regarding his falls, she is accusing me of abusing him. She thinks that my kindness is seen as I am trying to portray his lover or his mum. She feels emotional attachment between carer and patient is abuse. But I don't see the same thing. If you are building trust. Why is that abuse?
This young man has a history of self harming. She even accused me off trying to invade in his space. She told me not to go in his room and to give him space. Because he may feel awkward around me. If that's the case, then I may no longer be able to work where I am working.

I'm really confused why she is saying all this. She even told me she discussed this with his CPN. I really don't understand.

Is she bullying me? I don't know what to do.

I have seen my manager manipulate situations to her advantage. Could this be the case?

The last time I reported someone all the staff teamed up together. I don't want to be ganged up. It may result me having to turn the job down. I am currently on six months probation for this job.

I do know my manager is scared in case I will report her for anything. Before I reported someone, ever since then, my manager has made comments that refer her speaking to other managers in case I report her.

I can't help but think why would she do this? Why would she say this?

I am really hurt. I feel I am being victimised.

What are your views or advise please?

thatright wrote:Yesterday the manager pulled me aside and commented on me and this young man's relationship. She thinks my kindness can be seen as abuse. Regarding his falls, she is accusing me of abusing him. She thinks that my kindness is seen as I am trying to portray his lover or his mum. She feels emotional attachment between carer and patient is abuse. But I don't see the same thing. If you are building trust. Why is that abuse?

I don't think kindness can be a form of abuse, but I do believe it would be abusive for you take on a role akin to a lover or a parent. You have a professional relationship with this man. He is your patient. It is not a relationship based on equal standing. It cannot be a reciprocal relationship.

I assume you are bound by some kind of code of ethics and that your employer would have guidelines on how to maintain professional boundaries. It might be worth reviewing these. (That's not me telling you that you don't know how to do your job, but a suggestion that you need to know the rules so that you don't get yourself in trouble when you only mean to be kind and helpful.)

If you really want to be a friend to this man, maybe you can ask to no longer be his support worker. Then in your free time you can offer him friendship and accept his friendship in return.