My husband raped me.

Monday the 15th, was my birthday. I woke up sick. Great start to my b-day. I thought my husband was going to lay down with me and put me back to sleep like he has many times when I've been sick or tired. Instead, he raped me. I started crying, bawling really. He said something like "Tell me you don't want this." I screamed and cried "No I don't." He then looked at me and said "Oh $#%^. I'm sorry." But he didn't stop. He just finished. I cried the entire time he was on me. I cried most of the day.

I've known my husband for 12 years and we've been married for 7. He has never ever hit me, never verbally abused me, never emotionally abused me. He's been a great husband and father.

I asked him why he did this. He says he doesn't know why. He's called and set up counseling. I've got some really messed up feelings right now. I don't want to leave him. But I'm scared.

I know this sounds messed up, but, what I really want is for my husband to hold me as tight as he can without touching me. How do I start to heal from this?

Am I correct to infer that he's never done this before?

From what you wrote, he seems to feel remorse for his actions. Go with the counseling and see what comes from it. You should give him a chance to change before any "drastic" action is taken.

messedup wrote:Monday the 15th, was my birthday. I woke up sick. Great start to my b-day. I thought my husband was going to lay down with me and put me back to sleep like he has many times when I've been sick or tired. Instead, he raped me. I started crying, bawling really. He said something like "Tell me you don't want this." I screamed and cried "No I don't." He then looked at me and said "Oh $#%^. I'm sorry." But he didn't stop. He just finished. I cried the entire time he was on me. I cried most of the day.

I've known my husband for 12 years and we've been married for 7. He has never ever hit me, never verbally abused me, never emotionally abused me. He's been a great husband and father.

I asked him why he did this. He says he doesn't know why. He's called and set up counseling. I've got some really messed up feelings right now. I don't want to leave him. But I'm scared.

I know this sounds messed up, but, what I really want is for my husband to hold me as tight as he can without touching me. How do I start to heal from this?

Honey, you need to seek help for it- him too I don't know if this is something that may cause the marriage to end, it may very well ... what he did was horrible, I've had it done to me a few times... the fact that he knew you didn't want too, and knew you were upset and he didn't stop, he should have but he didn't care... that worries me.... I'm worried that he didn't have an answer for you too makes me fear that he could very possibly act that way again.

You need to seek counciling hon, you need to talk to someone about it, I hope he does also go to see a councilor.

How have you been doing since this happened?

I'm going to be away starting tomorrow, but please continue to post - or feel free to PM me as I'll get back to you as soon as I come home... Hang in there...

TheOtherLight wrote:Am I correct to infer that he's never done this before?

From what you wrote, he seems to feel remorse for his actions. Go with the counseling and see what comes from it. You should give him a chance to change before any "drastic" action is taken.

He has never done this before. He set up counseling for both of us yesterday. we don't go until next Tuesday. I don't think he felt remorse at first, but after I was unable to talk to him without crying and wanted no part of any thing to do with my b-day and was unable to sleep monday night, I think that's when it set in that it was bad.

How have you been doing since this happened?

I'm not sure how I've been. Monday I sick all day. Part from being sick and sick from what happeneed. Yesterday I confided in a friend. She lives 800 miles away. Just kinda floating I guess.

Today I feel like $#%^. I really hate the way I feel. I can't eat. Every time I try I feel like puking. Stupid little things that my husband does, that never bothered me before, are just pissing me off to no end today. I haven't said any thing to him. I want to. But I wonder if I'm over reacting. Maybe he's under reacting. I just want him to hurt inside as bad as I do. Maybe he does and I don't see it. I wonder why I care what he's feeling. Sometimes I wonder why I care at all.

messedup wrote:Today I feel like $#%^. I really hate the way I feel. I can't eat. Every time I try I feel like puking. Stupid little things that my husband does, that never bothered me before, are just pissing me off to no end today. I haven't said any thing to him. I want to. But I wonder if I'm over reacting. Maybe he's under reacting. I just want him to hurt inside as bad as I do. Maybe he does and I don't see it. I wonder why I care what he's feeling. Sometimes I wonder why I care at all.

messedup you really really need to talk to someone, please do so soon... also talking to someone will help you to figure out what is best for you in terms of staying with your husband or not.

Feel free to PM me I'm really behind in posts at the moment as I was away for 4 days, hang in there!

I'm hanging on. We start counseling tonight. He really doesn't understand why I'm not over it yet or why I keep having weird nightmares. Most aren't even specifically about him but I think they are related. He feels terrible. I know he does. But he has no clue what I'm going through. He has managed to bring a 22 year old ghost out of the closet. Thanks Butterfly Faerie.

I leave for counseling in 1/2 hour. I don't know what to say or what to expect. I don't want to go. And I swear as God as my witness, if he says "And how does that make you feel?" more than 3x's, I'm gonna smack him. I know how I feel, tell me how to fix it!!!

Hi!
I can empathize with you and nothing more. However, it is better to get in touch with a councilor. Who knows it might work.

Hi, messedup! How are you now? What he did has no excuse. You don't have to give him a chance to change or to feel remorse unless you absolutely want to. How are you feeling?