Completely reliant on an application to sleep.

Is there something I can do about this ridiculous rut I'm stuck in?

In 2010 something traumatic happened to me. To zone out, I put on an application on my ipod of rain sounds that completely blocks out external noise. From that day onward I continued to use it to help block out external noise. Without that application, I can't sleep. I have gone days without it and I'm an absolute WRECK.I can't sleep at all without it. It is the only thing that gets me to a peaceful state and blocks out external noise. It does not work properly on my phone because my phone does not allow the volume to go loud enough, so it's useless. I am extremely sensitive to any external sounds, like the birds in the morning, light, dogs barking.. etc. I need it if my parents are fighting or talking about me negatively. It's the only thing that puts me at pace. Any single noise will disrupt me trying to sleep. My mind won't calm down without it.

Lately, my ipod earphone jack has broken down. It's broken so that sound only comes out of one ear, despite having new earphones. I spend a lot of time twisting, prodding and moving them throughout the night every night so the sound comes out properly. But any slight touch can stuff it up again. This makes for a very exhausting time for me. The first weeks when this happened I was taking it really hard. I still had sleep, but I was depressed and couldn't see properly as I was tired.. That has stopped and I can cope with it better now, but I'm still tired. Tired because I'm not getting the sleep I used to when it was better

You have no idea the ridiculous things that I have done involving my ipod and sleep. One time I left my earphones at my mother's place and ran there in the middle of the night to pick them up as she had no petrol. I was that desperate for sleep and that's how much I need them. When I moved back in with my parents, my step father accidentally removed the app on my ipod. They had no modem that could connect to my ipod, so I was in a state of panic for about a month. I begged them daily because I was going through utter hell. Eventually they got it (angry of course) and I was better again. I lived alone for several months, all what keep me sane till I couldn't stand it living there no longer was that ipod solely.
I can easily go through 5-6 pairs of earphones a year (or more). When they stop working, I usually go a week till my next pay and suffer during those days of no sleep till I get a new pair. It's so mentally challenging and all I want to do is shut everything out of my head.

I don't know what to do about my ipod now, because I can't afford to get it fixed and I don't even know if it's fixable. I HATE being reliable on that to keep me 'stable' with my mental state. Without it I can't function and I'm angry and moody and constantly in a daze. Is there something else I can use to block out all noise with natural rain sounds that I can plug into my ears comfortably? I have thought about a stereo, but that won't work because I will rip it out of the hole when I toss and turn at night and probably break the earphones. My room plug hole is too far away from my bed too. I am happy about buying a rain sounds CD, as long as it doesn't contain thunder or birds in the music and keeps playing the same thing for about 8-10 hours. But I don't know how I could use that so I blocks out the neighbours dog or my parents.

That's a tough situation, weirdone. So, a couple of thoughts.

You could get a rain sounds CD and rip MP3s [or you might find some online for free. YouTube might have long-playing videos of rain that could work. And use something like http://savevid.com to make an MP3.] Then use a cheap MP3 player to hook yourself up at night.

But that isn't an long-term solution. You need to wean yourself off this somehow. I don't usually tell people what to do. And you are COMPLETELY welcome to ignore me. I am just a random person on the internet. Only, this seems like it would make it difficult to share a bed with someone in future. And it's not usual for sleep to be so dependent on an external factor. Perhaps you could try dropping the volume a VERY small amount each night. So that the change is imperceptible. Over time, it will add up. You'll be getting yourself used to hearing little sounds while you sleep. And ignoring them, like you used to do. OR, you said that you're beginning to cope with the broken ipod so perhaps it's better not to look for an alternative at all. But continue to push through, waiting for your sleep to get back to normal.

Also, with the traumatic event, have you spoken to anyone about that? If it's still causing you issues, that could be appearing as this sleep disorder. In which case, relieving your dependence on the app might cause a different anxiety issue to appear. And perhaps working through the trauma more might ease your sleep anxiety. Just another thought.