Need an opinion on my future

Hey,

Im nearly 25 years old, I recently discovered that I've had a paraphillia since I was 11ish.

I've almost always masturbated to thoughts of being forcibly feminized, its the humilliation what turns me on. I remember the first time I masturbated was too this sort of stuff. I still thought I was attracted to women, in school and sixth form college I still sought relationships with hot women, usually out of my league and wasn't succesful.

Other girls asked me out but I turned them down because I was paranoid I didn't know how to kiss and I didnt want the school to know. This continued into university, although when I was 23 I tried to get over my fear and kissed a girl for the first time.

I've kissed a few girls now and it turned me on, when ive been touched playfully on the thigh or had my hair stroked its turned me on too.

However people have always wondered why despite being a decent looking guy, I've never had a relationship with a girl, despite having so many girl mates. They said I never showed attraction to girls, even though I thought I was attracted!?

After reading about paraphillias a few months ago my life has been turned up side down, I feel like ive been masturbating to the wrong thing for my whole life, as I never really masturbated to the standard things such as doing stuff with hot women, although I've tried to do this recently with some success, although it takes a lot more effort and time than my forced fem fantansies.

I want to have sex with a woman but im not even sure if I could even do it? Because I find it hard to masturbate to standard porn. Im not even sure if my paraphillia is exclusive or not? Im so confused and scared, im nearly 25 now I feel like ive wasted a lot of my llife not having sex and im scared ill grow old alone because I don't seem to have much attraction to women.

Can you guys offer any advice or clarification? Can I sort of re condition my orgasmic response to normal porn? Is it worth having sex? Will I be more sexually attracted to women once I had some sexual experience?

So sorry for the rant guys, thanks for any help you can offer

Hi, White_Wolf! Have you thought about finding a woman who is into the same stuff you like and who could maybe satisfy your desires? You have not wasted your life, you are young and you will find someone.
You could try hanging out with people you like and doing stuff you love that is not related to sex, maybe it'd help you feel better too.
Could these desires come from some sort of issues that you might be able to deal with in therapy?

Do you feel you want to be humiliated on real life when you are with a girl?
if not , it's just a fantasy you need to stop think about.
I've been trough the same thing , the first thing you need to do is stop masturbate to this,
Don't watch porn. if you feel you really need to masturbate just sit down , relax and try to fantasy about
other things , if you cant get orgasm then stop masturbate , don't fight with your self.
Fantasies can change with the time, if you still feel bad about this, then u should go see a psychiatrist
he will help you go trough this.