Recently released from prison

Hi

I have a number of sexually compulsive problems which have resulted in me recently serving time in prison. I am firstly a flasher and although not a paedophile, I have exposed myself to kids and have been caught and convicted a couple of times. My sexually compulsive behaviour has got worse over time to the point where I have been investigated for sexual assaults etc etc.

Prior to being caught I had a very very good legal job, but now I'm on the sex offenders register and can't get work anywhere. I am scum in the eyes of most people. I expected that once I was caught that there would be some treatment, but I was wrong - there was none, all there was, was more judgements, and more restrictions on my life. Since being a sex offender my world has shrunk dramatically. Like many of you I also had an urge to talk about what I was up to. I went on what's called a VP (vulnerable Prisoner) wing in prison which was full of sex offenders most of whom seemed decent men who all had jobs, mortgages etc before yet most of them were on anti d's or suicide watch. Once the system deems you a sex offender your life will suck big time and everyone will walk away from you and you will lose all your status. My life is screwed now so I don't much care, but for what it's worth, I think much of our problems are related to obsessive compulsive thoughts -if you're really struggling try that avenue for meds (don't expect your GP to understand either), I'd advise making up some other OCD story.

I read a phrase that said "A man's greatest threat to his wellbeing is his own sex drive" - very very true!

Like I say, society WILL ruin you if you're found out, and they don't give a shi@ about treating you either, they're only interested in punishing you ,- so try and learn from my mistake guys.

Hi, and welcome!

Life goes on.

I don't know what I can say, that could conceivably help you, or other readers like you.

In my life, I have been very lucky, in that I have somebody who accepts me, and that is one of several things which has helped me find the strength to think things through, and come to an acceptance of my self and my heart.

In this forum, you will find many different people, and you are welcome to share your thoughts and issues with other posters.

I hope that you will find the encouragement to let bygones be bygones and raise your head and look forward.

I think it's a real shame what happened to you, but I also think it's a shame for the people you may have scared or traumatised. The law tends to punish actions, and you're right to highlight that it is more of a punitive machine than a curative one.

I can only speak for myself, but I am interested in young(ish) girls but I haven't ever done anything punishable by law. I think your story is a good reminder that we should ensure we don't cross that line, but it is a shame that no support is offered to you once you've served your time. Without that support in terms of reintegration into the community and treating the root cause (in your case: compulsive sexual urges) recidivism is not going to be low.

Welcome to this forum! I think you're brave telling your story. Everybody does mistakes in their life. Most of them small mistakes, that with the words "i'm sorry" will be more than enough. Sometimes people do bigger mistakes. That doesn't mean that you're a bad person. You didn't wish for this to happen. Of course you had the choice not to, but psychology it's complex and everybody knows that making the right choices can be extremely difficult, especially when you have inner impulses and urges that grows more and more when you don't have any help and support.

The penal system in the US is inhuman and especially regarding sex offenders it fails to prevent new offenses, and it destroys more people than it helps. I think Amnesty International should work as hard as they can with the penal system in the US. I think it's no better than stoning in some Asian countries or Colloseum in Rome.

Have you heard about http://www.reformsexoffenderlaws.org ?

They are working with changing the policies in the US and have already got some influence. Maybe you should get involved with this? Helping others in your situation? Teaching politicians about what really works, and what creates serial-criminals due to lack of support and degraditation as a human.

I will borrow the following quote from RSOL's site: "History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people." (Martin Luther King Jr.)

I hope you don't give up and that you find value i helping yourself and others.

You have my support!

It is unfortunate that you were unable to find help in prison. Prisons must address individuals' medical issues, and psychiatric issues must be consistenly addressed as medical. In your case, the reason for your imprisonment, having been proven in a court of law, was equivalent to diagnosis. You should have immediately been sent to a psychiatrist and received the proper treatments. Prison is #######4. However, it does serve a purpose, which I support, in confining/controlling "threats to society". You have described yourself as a threat to society. It seems to me you must take your treatment into your own hands. You have presented yourself as accomplished, intelligent and articulate. You need medical treatment. You speak of obsessional thinking and describe alot of anger. Plus, you've been in prison. Any PTSD in your history? Seek treatment.

eeveedee wrote:It is unfortunate that you were unable to find help in prison. Prisons must address individuals' medical issues, and psychiatric issues must be consistenly addressed as medical. In your case, the reason for your imprisonment, having been proven in a court of law, was equivalent to diagnosis. You should have immediately been sent to a psychiatrist and received the proper treatments. Prison is #######4. However, it does serve a purpose, which I support, in confining/controlling "threats to society". You have described yourself as a threat to society. It seems to me you must take your treatment into your own hands. You have presented yourself as accomplished, intelligent and articulate. You need medical treatment. You speak of obsessional thinking and describe alot of anger. Plus, you've been in prison. Any PTSD in your history? Seek treatment.

So everyone who do something illegal is a threat to society? I don't think so.

I did not say if someone does something illegal then they are a threat to society. I think that is a big problem in this sensitive area: pedos trying to justify and/or make it less threatening and more acceptable. As other posters have mentioned, there is a massive difference between thought/fantasy/desire and acting out in ways that are harmful to others. Someone having socially frowned upon desires does not equal a criminal. Criminal acts equal a criminal. Exposing oneself to children and sexual assault are threats to other members of society and worthy of punishment, in my opinion. I have worked in clinics where I had to personally deal with both victims and perpetrators of incest. I treated them all with the same degree of respect and tolerance. You can take any "subgroup of society", if you will, and find those who are for it and against it, regardless of how marginalized this group may be. However, it is our actions which define us as a threat, not our thoughts. Someone who smokes pot or steals food for their family would be considered a criminal, but not a threat to society. An adult who is sexually attracted to a child is not a criminal. Someone who attempts or succeeds in having sexual contact with a child is a criminal and a threat to the well being of society.

eeveedee wrote:I did not say if someone does something illegal then they are a threat to society. I think that is a big problem in this sensitive area: pedos trying to justify and/or make it less threatening and more acceptable. As other posters have mentioned, there is a massive difference between thought/fantasy/desire and acting out in ways that are harmful to others. Someone having socially frowned upon desires does not equal a criminal. Criminal acts equal a criminal. Exposing oneself to children and sexual assault are threats to other members of society and worthy of punishment, in my opinion. I have worked in clinics where I had to personally deal with both victims and perpetrators of incest. I treated them all with the same degree of respect and tolerance. You can take any "subgroup of society", if you will, and find those who are for it and against it, regardless of how marginalized this group may be. However, it is our actions which define us as a threat, not our thoughts. Someone who smokes pot or steals food for their family would be considered a criminal, but not a threat to society. An adult who is sexually attracted to a child is not a criminal. Someone who attempts or succeeds in having sexual contact with a child is a criminal and a threat to the well being of society.

I'm not trying to justify anything. I just think the label "threat to the society" is overly exaggerated and undeserved. And a history of illegal sexual behavior does NOT mean that he IS a threat now. What he DID was a threat to those who where exposed to his behavior. Abusers doesn't exists. Abuse behavior exists. Thats a big difference, and an important perspective for those who abuse and for the society.

To walk around feeling like a threat, and labeled a threat by the society will only increase the risk of more abuse behavior.

I also think the focus on punishment goes way too far. The best way to reduce sex offences is through treatment.