I just have sex with my twin brother

I seriously don't know how to said this, and honestly, I use disposable email as I'm utterly embarrased and disgusted of myself this time. I never can really accept the reality that it was me who start it, and now I'm disgusted of myself.

I'm a girl, 22 years old, and I'm living with my twin brother without anyone else, our parents live in another province, and I live with my brother because we attend university and now work together at the same city.

Previously, it's a normal living for us, we are pretty close to each others, and he, yes, he, never consider I much more than just a sister to him before. He did cares much for me, since he got job earlier, and actually he paid a lot for my living when I was unemployed, and he never ask for me to repay it. He's really too kind for a brother.

the problem is, I did have a feeling for him, since we're child, he's quite a popular boy, friendly with everyone, and, since i did often depend on him for much. Previously, I think I love him, but for the most parts, I kept this as my little secret from everyone. I never have good relationship with boys, and for all practical things, my twin brother is the only boy I get close with. Really, really close...

Just some day before, my friends (all girls) at the office joked about their relationships, and most of the time, they kinda mock me for never have a boyfriend, and how some of them had sexual relationship with boys. I never do that before this very day, and I can only imagine romantic things in my mind. I did often secretly admire and worship my twin brother, even when he was mostly oblivious at the fact, and think I'm merely give sisterly love to him. We did, fooling around sometimes, and sometimes, we did sleep together in a same bed/couch when we watch something together, or play video games together till midnight. Previously, while this not happened too often, we did change clothes in the presence of each others, but he never think more about it.

While i never disclose openly that I was in love with my twin brother, I did said to my friends that I have a boy who I'm in love with, and some of them said, if you have time alone with him, why not trying to confess and seduce him. And with that, my greatest shame begun.

Today morning, he just coming home from a full night's extra work in his workplace, and I also watch tv all night and only sleep a few. He's tired and soon sleep in the couch in front of tv. At first, I merely sit beside him and snuggle to him, and while watching tv, I put his head on top of my lap.

Then, I didn't know what kind of demon posses me that time, coupled with my friends goading that if I like a boy, I should seduce him, I just try to make braver move by simply put my hand inside of his pant, I did always curious over that, but at my mind that time, even if he found out, I can just said I was joking. Since he was still tired, he don't said much except his things got hard, and for somewhat reason, I open our clothes and left us in our underwear (he's sleeping with boxers and t shirt), and since that time, i think he's kinda cute, I just try to sleep alongside him till midday.

For somewhat reasons, around midday I wake up first, and notice he's still sleeping, I just kiss him with some force, trying to wake him up while hugging him. At this point, I still convice myself that It was mere jokes, and I was in control of all that.

Of course, he's soon awake and bewildred to found me on top of him, wearing only bra and panty. At first, he's trying to avoid me, but I tried to grab him, too bad, fate does that I missed his hand and I grab his penis instead. While I said "bro, I love you" to him. at this point, he still bewildred and ask if I was drunk or somewhat, but whatever it was, my mind was clouded that time, and I just move on and kiss him aggresively while hugging him.

While he was initially seemed uncomfortable, arround a time, he seemed to have relaxed a bit and kissed me back, but his face seems confused. then... I grab his penis and start shaking it on instinct so it get a hard on (I did sometimes peek when he masturbates privately in his room), and for somewhat reason, shove my breast up to his face.

Around that time, I also somewhat saying this as he start to ask what kind of things I consume, I just said that I love him since long time ago, and just want to set my feelings. He seemed utterly confused, but after I shake his penis for a while, apparently he start grab my breasts, remove my bra, and suck on it.

And while I forget the whole things, next time I remember is we're totally naked and have full blown vaginal coitus between us. I can't said what I feel that time, but since it was about spontaneous, he come inside me and sooner than later, we're slapped back to reality, and recognize what the hell we just do each others. I feel hurt in my body and heart, and he start to look apologetic and apologize to me profusely. I also apologize that this has gone too far, and while at it, we're bout freeze in front of each others from quite a time. before I cried and run to the bathroom to take a bath to wash all of this...

and while at bath, he just enter and asked me if he hurt me, I said that this was my first time, and to my surprise, he also said it was his first too (previously, he was into "no sex before marriage" things, even with he has a girlfriend), and I just cry and cannot really said anything but cry as I try to wash myself. I did manage to said we shouldn't do it again... but

To my surprise, he just hug me and said, that will be no problem let's finish this since we allready do it anyway, and he just grab me and ask if we should shower together, I didn't said anything and he just doing it again on me on the bathroom, this time, and while he said it will be ok, we move closer and do that again.

After that, I just run and lock myself in my room, try to cry but I can't said anything. It looks like he was shocked too... and he just again apologize in front of my door. I can't take it anymore, and I storm out of the house, and this, with my lastest strength, I write this...

I don't know who I should said, he allready said he obviously won't tell anyone about this, but now, I just affraid we can't control this anymore... and it did put a lot of strain on my mind. I don't know what should I do when I must going home this night... and I feel really dirty and unworthy right now. I'm also scared if I will be pregnant and all will found out this... help...

Hi,

Are you implying that you did this due to a sort of 'peer pressure' in relation to your sex life? You implied having a feeling of being left out when all of your friends talked about their relationships, and I'm guessing that you felt pressured as a result of this. You, however, recognise that it was wrong and i'm confident that you know that what happened was illegal. Nevertheless, you should have a talk with your brother and both agree to never do this again. For the benefit of both of your lives, such an agreement is essential to be reached.

Take care
Kevin

a morning after pill wouldn't go astray

thanks, after that things, I just go to my friends' home and said nothing, just said I'm sick and my brother is busy, and I need another girl who can look after me. He did visit me later but I just said I want to be left alone for some time.

But I'm still not sure how we should proceed after this, while he said he told no one about this, what if our parents ask, and what if our future spouse ask about that?

and I still on my friends' house, my brother just drop my clothes here and I pretend to be sick all the day, it's only matter of time before our parents decide to visit me if I not going well soon...

Heya,

Regarding the future, all I have to say is this: Our pasts never have to dictate our futures. What has happened here will be forgotten with he passing of time, but I can understand how it doesn't seem that way to you right now. Your aim should be to do everything in your power to mentally pull away from this event. If it means no communication with your brother, then so be it. If it means ditching old friends and searching for new ones, then so be it.

Your life has not ended in any way here ... it might just have to start again in a new light though.

Kevin

well, I allready think to go back to living together with him again, as I can't spare much money to hire apartments or else without asking him or our parents for help.

He did said "let's pretend it's merely an accident", and apologize a lot to me, but I'm still very affraid to him... I just write for absence leave in my workplace, maybe I'll try to spend a week or more in our parent's house before try to get my life again

most people say that life is too sort but i think life is long so baby fortget everthing and enjoy your life.

How are things now, liza88?

That reminds me of something about lesbians I read, that they were attracted to their mirror image, and having sex with a twin brother is similar. Thus perhaps you are a lesbian actually.

WOW I AM FURIOUS. AT LEAST YOU HAVE A BROTHER WHO LOVES YOU AND DOESN'T INTENTIONALLY RAPE YOU. oh my god.