I want to be romantically involved with young(ish) girls

Hi everybody,

I'm new here and was wondering whether my 'tastes' count as a paraphilia or are just normal. I'm a heterosexual male in his mid 30s and, as the subject line says, what I really want is to be romantically involved with young girls. I'm not talking about children, though the law probably says they are. I notice there are a lot of pedophiles on here and I'm just not one of them (no offence guys). I mean like girls that are already in puberty - it's just they're still underage. Is this normal? It's not because they're underage that I find them attractive - so it's not like forbidden fruit. I just think they're so sweet - soft, gentle, petite, girly, cute (granted: not all of them). Everything about them is perfect. I'm not saying I don't find older females attractive, but it's just not the same.

I should point out that I've never slept with anyone underage, and I only slept with teenagers when I was a teenager myself. Still, am I a pervert for wanting to enjoy romance with a beautiful young girl in her prime? I don't even necessarily want sex (well, maybe I'm kidding myself for saying that!), but just to be close and have a laugh and kiss and explore each other.

Does this make sense? And does it make me a paraphiliac? Or just a monster?

Rest assured: You are normal.

You can find the proposed revision to DSM Edition 5, here:
http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevision/Pa ... px?rid=186

There's a vast difference between the common understanding of pedophilia, and the professional one.

Also, pedophilia is mixed up with hebephilia, apparently as just one of several ways to try and dominate the domain of discourse.
Throughout history, a girl has been considered ready for marriage / sex upon entering puberty, whilst nowadays it's more "under 18", for no good reason beyond "because we say so".

And yet, people are still having sex, and nothing seems to stop them.

partridge,
there is nothing wrong with you.

in fact, because of current american standards, im willing to bet that a lot of men are in your situation as well.

america and other nations in europe for example have some of the highest ages of consent in the entire world. in comparison, the age of consent in mexico ranges from 12-15, in spain it is 13, in germany it is 14, and in much of europe it is 16. other nations realize that youth often engage in sexual activities at much younger ages than the united states and other such nations like to admit and have adjusted or made their laws accordingly to fit this more accurate sexual trend.

while i still wouldn't advise you to pursue these urges or anything of that nature, i would like you to know that you are definitely not alone in these sorts of thoughts. and as others have already stated, you wouldn't have pedophilia, you would have hebephilia.

thanks for the post

Welcome to the forum Partridge.

From the way you describe your tastes, I think you sound perfectly normal. The link Alevi posts is shocking. It's sad to see the world of psychiatry trying to pathologise what seems a perfectly normal attraction. All the qualities that make females attractive (apart from breasts, but who wants a milky mummy figure?!) are present and better in young(ish) girls.

There's an irony in the psychiatric establishment's endeavour to create a label of hebephilia... it has to cause distress to oneself or harm to others. Well, harm to others is merely an attempt to make medical normativity cohere with current legal norms. The law says you can't do something and psychiatry jumps in and says 'and if you do, you're mentally ill'. Very shallow and transparent (though evidently not to the psychiatrists advocating such a label). Back to the irony, which is related to the distress: classifying such attraction as a mental illness is the surest way to cause the distress that holds as a diagnostic criterion.

GinaSmith wrote:The link Alevi posts is shocking. It's sad to see the world of psychiatry trying to pathologise what seems a perfectly normal attraction.
...
There's an irony in the psychiatric establishment's endeavour to create a label of hebephilia... it has to cause distress [Alevi: To oneself] or harm to others.

The way I - and from what one exclusive pedophile has said - am interpreting that, is that A, B, and C have to be fulfilled.

...the person has clinically significant distress or impairment in important areas of functioning...

Which to me pretty clearly spells out that if you don't actually have an immediate, actual, real, clearly identifiable problem with your attraction, guess what?

Then there is no problem.

In other words: Don't panic.

EDIT:
Oh yes, and also this:

GinaSmith wrote:Back to the irony, which is related to the distress: classifying such attraction as a mental illness is the surest way to cause the distress that holds as a diagnostic criterion.

Truth.

Alevi wrote:distress [Alevi: To oneself] or harm to others.

You're right, I typed too quickly. It's distress to oneself. Have edited my post above accordingly.

Alevi wrote:The way I - and from what one exclusive pedophile has said - am interpreting that, is that all of A, B, and C has to be fulfilled.

Unfortunately it says one or more of the signs or symptoms.

Alevi wrote:Which to me pretty clearly spells out that if you don't actually have an immediate, actual, real, clearly identifiable problem with your attraction, guess what?

Then there is no problem.

In other words: Don't panic.

True - don't panic. That said, the words 'don't panic' tend to arouse panic. Merely by giving it a name - hebephilia - creates a suggestion that an attraction to a girl of 14 is somehow abnormal, which is ridiculous because 14 is the age of consent in many perfectly developed countries (as if economic development is a prerequisite for moral value, but that's an aside) and girls were considered to be of marriageable age at around 14 or lower in many Western countries before the 20th century. Seriously, are these 'scientists' really that blinkered and stupid?

I'd love to hear Shrink Rap's opinion, as it's refreshingly rational.

Somewhat amusing, related to Gina's post: http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archive ... lness-why/

As Slashdot put it:
"According to Marcia Angell, former editor of the New England Journal of Medicine, under the tutelage of Big Pharma, we are 'simply expanding the criteria for mental illness so that nearly everyone has one.'"

Now, if you were to go to rural areas in Africa or India, and tell them that they are pedophiles for marrying and having sex with girls having entered puberty, I imagine their response would be to the effect of "what?".

As the romans (allegedly) put it: "That which is natural one should not be ashamed of".

Welcome Partridge,

Yes it makes sense, and no you are not a monster.
Are you able to enjoy sex with adults? Is your attraction to girls causing problems in your life?

GinaSmith wrote:Back to the irony, which is related to the distress: classifying such attraction as a mental illness is the surest way to cause the distress that holds as a diagnostic criterion.

The criteria appear consistent with the criteria of other disorders in the DSM to me. If there is no impairment or distress, then there is no disorder.

Take for example personality disorders - most of us will exhibit personality traits that match some of the criteria for personality disorders. However it is not until our functioning is notably impaired that we could be considered as having a personality disorder. By imposing this criterion, it doesn't mean that people with personality traits will become distressed and thus disordered out of fear of having a disorder!

Thanks for your responses guys. There are some really interesting issues raised here. So I'm supposedly a 'hebephile', but I find that label very strange because yes (to answer your question, Platypus) I am attracted to adult females and I do enjoy sex with them very much. I think I would probably enjoy sex with a girl aged 13-15 more, but of course I haven't ever done that so there's no way to compare (and although the idea excites me, I'm not going to break the law).

I don't think I'm distressed by this attraction. I'm just a bit bemused. Deep down I knew it couldn't just be me. I see guys staring at young girls all the time.

Well it's good that you're not distressed by it, and that it doesn't impair your sex life. If you’re in control and know you would never break the law, it sounds like you don’t need to worry.

I'm sure there are lots of other people who are attracted to teenage girls. Many probably don’t talk about it or act on it, so you wouldn’t even know.