When do you cross the line from thoughts to actions?

I read that even looking at a child whether with or without clothes sexually can be considered sexual abuse. I´m so scared. I fear that some time in the past I might have looked at some child somehow too much, although I don´t remember such a thing. I would rather kill myself than live knowing that I crossed the line.

Rainbow_Sunshine wrote:I read that even looking at a child whether with or without clothes sexually can be considered sexual abuse. I´m so scared. I fear that some time in the past I might have looked at some child somehow too much, although I don´t remember such a thing. I would rather kill myself than live knowing that I crossed the line.

There's nothing to be scared about. Merely looking at a child while having a sexual thought cannot possibly be sexual abuse. I don't know where you read this. Sexual abuse is defined by law. Those laws do not include looking at somebody the wrong way! How could just looking at somebody possibly harm them?

Everybody has bad thoughts. You're letting yourself be consumed by those thoughts. Your thoughts do not define you - you are separate from your thoughts. Please stop feeling guilty over thoughts you have never acted on! Thinking something is not the same as doing it. You haven't done anything wrong.

I agree. To massively oversimplifly something that is phenomenally complicated, look but don't touch. To use a heterosexual phrase, "you can look at the menu but you don't have to order".

Listen, i'm surrounded by kids all the time and it's no big deal! And besides, where does crossing the line count in your book? Just spending time with them ain't it, let alone looking at them! It would take a lot more than that and you sound like you're a million miles away from doing anything that might constitue "crossing the line"!

Don't worry about it. What you may have heard was illegal is voyeurism, which is essentially when you're watching someone for an extended period of time in a private situation without their knowledge. That's not what you've done. Nobody's going to come beating down your door because you looked the wrong way at an 8 year old.

What particularly bothers me is that about ten years ago I spent a lot of time with my cousin who is eight years younger than me -at that time I was in my late teens and she was in her preteens -and I often saw her naked, she was not ashamed. I just remember feeling a bit uncomfortable when she was naked or wearing a nightshirt, not because of her in particular but rather because I´m aroused by little girls genitals in general, unfortunately(btw I´m also aroused by genitals of adult women, in fact I´m aroused by ANY female naked, even myself in the mirror). I now live with a constant fear of what if I ocasionally looked at her and was aroused or looked at her too much? I don´t remember looking at her intentionally, so maybe it´s just an irrational fear. And it crossed my mind just recently when I started to read more about pedophiles. I didn´t find her in particular atractive -she´s my cousin, for heaven sake -and my behavior to her was always normal, doing anything wrong towards her had never crossed my mind. Heck, I even remember trying to protect her from someone who might abuse her by telling her that she didn´t have to accept any physical contact from adults she found uncomfortable, that she didn´t have to kiss or hug anybody if she didn´t want to. She is now a healthy young lady, has a boyfriend, suffered no trauma, no problem. But still, I can´t get rid of constant fear what if I had even slightly done something inapropriate. I wish my fear was gone and I could live peacefully again.

Maybe it´s just anxiety and irrational obsessive fear. Maybe I have some anxiety disorder. But this obsessive fear of having crossed the line ruins my life. I know I couldn´t live with myself anymore if I had. Please, can anybody help me?

I know all about the anxiety you must be feeling, Rainbow. It's awful having an attraction that's unacceptable to the rest of the world. I know exactly how it makes you feel, even if mine is completely different.

I think the best thing I can say to you, is that you're not alone. There are millions of people with paraphilias that they keep to themselves, and never tell a soul about for their entire lifetimes. At least we can get things off our chests on forums such as this in this day and age, so in that respect, we're somewhat luckier than we could have been if we lived a short time in the past.

From what I've read, I don't think you're in any danger of crossing the line. You seem too good a person, and the idea horrifies you. You should be proud of that at least.

myopicdreams wrote an excellent article about separating paraphilias from the self paraphilias/topic63292.html It's important to remember that these feelings, attractions etc, are not us. They are something we deal with. A paraphilia does not make you a bad person. The fact that you are determined not to act on yours tells me that you're a good person, so please consider that when you feel anxiety and irrational fear about it.

God if this was true then I have mentally molested soo many children in my lifetime. I have seen lots of young children naked and to think about them sexually in your head I think is harmless. I think that once you cross that line and molest is when you need to be accountable for your behavior. Yeah that is so weird for me to say since I am a pedophile and supposed to preach that its okay to act out sexually with a child, yet I don't think that it is.

Blben wrote:God if this was true then I have mentally molested soo many children in my lifetime. I have seen lots of young children naked and to think about them sexually in your head I think is harmless. I think that once you cross that line and molest is when you need to be accountable for your behavior. Yeah that is so weird for me to say since I am a pedophile and supposed to preach that its okay to act out sexually with a child, yet I don't think that it is.

I think the fact that you are addressing this issue is enough to believe that you're headed in a positive direction. I'm sure there are many people out there who have the same thoughts, but repress them in their memory cache and project that they have no ill feelings whatsoever towards children. Since you've already admitted you may have a problem, the only thing to do now is find a solution. Imagine the people who don't admit to having a problem. Not only do they have to find a solution, but how do you find a solution to a problem you refuse to acknowledge?

Many studies about sexual abuse say that intentionally looking at a naked child to be aroused is non-touching sexual abuse. I don´t remember whether or not I ever looked at her intentionally. Probbably not but I don´t know. I´m sincerely worried and I want to die. But I can´t kill myself, I just can´t do it.