Sexual Sadism? Help and thanks.

Hey all long time no talk. Well it's 4 am in the morning and I'm stressed and can't sleep. I wanted to talk about something, I'm pretty sure I am a sexual sadist.

I have posted here before, but not about this. I was never abused or witnessed abuse as a child. I have parents who are together and raised me and they are wonderful. I have a loving older sister and everyone in my family is very tight knit and it's like a well oiled machine.

I never had these fantasies early on. This is the very first time I am posting this information so please bare with me.

I watched porn from an early age probably 13 and I want to say I masturbated way earlier, I can remember where nothing would come out... it was weird or maybe just a small amount. Anyway TMI.

I love animals and I love people. I love women and have never harmed one or would want to harm one. A lot of my friends are female. So I don't have some rage or something against women or anything like that. Like I said though early on in porn, well sometimes I would read a Stephen King book at like age 15-16 and get off to sexual stuff there. But that's pretty normal, like just a sex scene in the story between man and wife. But than i read this story where this girl was tied down in a nazi prison experiment and they were sexually torturing her and experimenting on her, and that really turned me on (This was also fictional in a Stephen King book, I forget the name of it). But most of the time I just looked at regular porn on my computer in my room. Although truth be told I do vividly remember one time (this is really embarassing and frankly quite weird.) I remember reading that scene in Lord of the Flies while I was in highschool and being turned on when the boys all killed the mother big, by impaling it with the spear... I think it was suppose to represent rape, I think I learned that in class or something. That's really messed up I know but it's true.

I have read erotic fictional stories that revolve around rape,torture,sadism. I have looked at Hentai (cartoons) that represent rape,torture,sadism. All the while also looking at regular porn. I have looked at various soft bdsm from the likes of Kink.com etc.

So today I was looking at porn and I typed in bdsm, and I came across this really hard bdsm from this site called Elite Pain, had never heard of it.. and at first I was like man this is really hard "the girl crying, yelling". And so I exited the video feeling bad. Than I did some research on the company (wanted to find out if they are legit and not some nutball in his basement or something...) I found out the police in Budapest raided this place because one girl had said they didn't stop hitting her during the scene. It was disturbing, but the ######6 sad part... is that I went back and got off to it. It was some of the most messed up stuff I had ever seen and it's eating me alive to think I got off to it. But, I did more research and they have done thousands of video's and hundreds of actors/actresses have gone through them and not complained. And I found out all of it if not most of it is "consensual" but the very fact that ONE person may have not consented deeply disturbed me. Now I am left trying to tell myself it was all consensual.. I mean the buttocks and legs and stuff were slightly bleeding at one point... ugh. Piercings too.. I am not into piercings and it was terrible.

So... bottom line. I'm not sure I am a sexual sadist. Like I said I love hot girls, I love ugly girls, I love my mom my sister, I am not a hateful person. I would never condone doing this. It is killing me though to think I get sexually aroused by this crap. I am hoping that most sexual sadists who really want to hurt people don't feel "bad" or "guilty" like I do? Is that a sign I am not one? I'm 99% sure I'm not but ugh these things are messed up.

I don't want to go to a psych. and be like "Hey I get off to fantasies of raping,torting people.." The thing is with my fantasies, I never fantasize about someone I usually have made up people or something to fantasize about.. no names, no ages, no nothing.. just a girl gets raped...

I have thought about trying to find a masochistic partner but I am not sure I am a sadist and I'm afraid I would be weirded out.. cause a lot of bdsm stuff is cool for me to get off to , but I don't think I would want to see/be involved with it in real life.

I am a 24 year old virgin. And recently a girl made out with me but she's just a friend (i'm not sexually attracted to her). and I didn't get aroused.. is that normal? Or does that mean that because I look at so much sexually sadistic material that I am incapable of being aroused in a normal vanilla situation? Ugh I hate my life... well actually I love it, but I hate certain aspects of it.

Like, I don't read a news paper article about rape and go "muahahaha and get an erection.." that doesn't work. But who knows if there was some intimate details about the rape, I shudder to think that would turn me on, I would hate myself for that.

If my family or friends were to ever know that I looked at this Elite Pain bdsm porn they would be disgusted and maybe they should be, hell I was but still got off to it. Damn. Sorry for the long post please post all your thoughts I will really appreciate them. I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you.

Bump

I'm sorry you feel so distressed about this. The fantasies you describe are sadistic, but they're still just fantasies. According to the DSM, here are the diagnostic criteria for sexual sadism:

Diagnostic criteria for 302.84 Sexual Sadism

A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving acts (real, not simulated) in which the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the victim is sexually exciting to the person.

B. The person has acted on these sexual urges with a nonconsenting person, or the sexual urges or fantasies cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.

So technically, you only have sexual sadism if you are distressed by the fantasies (which it seems you are) or if you have acted out your fantasies on a non-consenting person. However, it's my understanding that the only reason that the diagnostic category exists at all is so that mental health professionals can have a term to use when they attempt to help people with these sorts of fantasies (if they want help). But other than that, it doesn't really mean anything. Just so you know, the diagnosis of sexual sadism is different from how people use the word "sadist" in normal, everyday language. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or are going to do something horrible in real life. There isn't really any relationship between a person's sexual fantasies and their personality as far as I know, nobody really knows how these things start. In my case, I think I know how it started, but it is different for everybody. I would still be careful though. I'm a sexual masochist, btw, and also a 27 year old male virgin. I'm only really aroused by my paraphilias, for the most part. Some paraphilias are exclusive, others coexist with ordinary sexual attractions. I'm still trying to sort this out for myself. I can relate to what you say about being aroused by scenes of torture, etc. in movies at a young age.

For what it's worth, I'd lay off the porn. It can give you new ideas and make you start fantasizing about things you had never even thought about before. It just gets more and more extreme. The more porn you look at, the guiltier you are going to feel, and then you are going to feel the urge to look at more porn to relieve the guilt... it's something of a vicious cycle... Some of the stuff that you describe in your posts is really extreme, and I think you should try to avoid it completely (I'm talking about the cartoon stuff that involves rape and children, this doesn't seem healthy to me, even in fantasy, and it's not even legal in some places).

Thanks for the reply likewise, I totally agree with ya. Thank you for your kind words.

Hey all. I would hope out of 53 views that maybe someone else may have something to say? I have been doing more research on this subject matter and am reading some interesting stuff that does not pertain to me.

For instance

"The sadist views himself as more intelligent than the rest of society, especially law enforcement personnel. Additionally, he has usually mastered the art of deception. Even if he is confronted with hard evidence he will invariably rationalize his actions. He will not be moved by pleas for compassion; he is unable to feel guilt or remorse."

None of the above paragraph describes me at all. Hell have a degree in Criminal Justice and even interned at a police station my senor year. I am not a dangeorus, maniacal , manipulative liar. I feel guilt and remorse for things in my life as do most sane people. I wouldn't be writing on this forum if I did not believe in dumping out everything from ones heart and spilling the truth. I speak my mind and open my heart and soul to complete strangers for advice, that does not sound like a sexual sadist.

There's a link to where I was reading some information. http://www.officer.com/web/online/Inves ... t/18$49267

I am a loving compassionate person. I don't want to hurt anyone and I know I never would hurt anyone unless it was mild bdsm with a consenting partner. I do get aroused by violent fantasies. But, I would never want to see them acted out and I know I never would act them out. It just embarasses me, as a Criminal Justice major it makes me feel shame. I'm sure some of you reading may know of something in your life you have done that your parents/lovers/siblings would find shameful that you have done? I think this is what I am feeling.

I have also read that some of this "could possibly" be from "complete inexperience of sex". I have heard that once you engage in sex all your stuff changes and you throw all this crap out the window? Can anyone verify? I am a 24 year old virgin I'm kinda scared of sex because I'm afraid I won't be able to perform or something. Thank you all and please if you bother reading please respond with an opinion/idea. I would appreciate it a lot!

"The sadist views himself as more intelligent than the rest of society, especially law enforcement personnel. Additionally, he has usually mastered the art of deception. Even if he is confronted with hard evidence he will invariably rationalize his actions. He will not be moved by pleas for compassion; he is unable to feel guilt or remorse."

Once again, this quote is describing sexually sadistic offenders, which is why it doesn't seem to apply to you. Those who act out on their sadistic fantasies normally have very different characteristics than those who just have the fantasies. Still, for your sake, I would try to stop looking at this crap. I know how it is tempting to keep looking for extreme stuff to keep the arousal going. However, you post here every couple months saying that you've viewed things for which you feel guilty. I'm not going to condemn you for your sexual turn-ons since I have somewhat similar ones, but it seems like you're causing yourself problems here. The short term arousal is not worth the long term guilt.

I have also read that some of this "could possibly" be from "complete inexperience of sex". I have heard that once you engage in sex all your stuff changes and you throw all this crap out the window? Can anyone verify? I am a 24 year old virgin I'm kinda scared of sex because I'm afraid I won't be able to perform or something.

I've never heard of anyone's paraphilia / fetish going away simply because they had sex. I'm not sure where you got that information, but it's probably somebody who is just giving their opinion on what they think it is without any real evidence (and lots of people like to do that, especially when it comes to this subject). The only reason it might help IMO is that having an actual sexual relationship with somebody might make you less sex obsessed.

Good post man. You are right, again. Ya it is hard to stop looking at this crap, really hard. I read something on Psychology Today that said that if you "stop" focusing on certain fantasies, your brain's circuitry will actually rewire itself. You say "stop looking at this stuff..." but is it that simple for your to stop having masochistic fantasies? Just curious. If i stop looking at this stuff do you think my arousal patterns can change, and if not, than what is the point?

adding also "The short term arousal is not worth the long term guilt." I say that to myself all the damn time. It's tough.

rufioz wrote:You say "stop looking at this stuff..." but is it that simple for your to stop having masochistic fantasies? Just curious. If i stop looking at this stuff do you think my arousal patterns can change, and if not, than what is the point?

No, what I mean is maybe don't look at the extreme stuff that is causing you the guilt. I wasn't saying that you could get rid of the fantasies altogether, and if the fantasies are deeply ingrained, they may never go away completely. I have had some success in trying to focus exclusively on the fantasies of mine I consider "less deviant" so that I don't think about the others that often anymore. I just know that online stuff definitely screwed me up more than I was already.

rufioz wrote:adding also "The short term arousal is not worth the long term guilt." I say that to myself all the damn time. It's tough.

Yes, unfortunately when you're sexually aroused you're not thinking very clearly.

Thanks likewise, your the man. I needed someone to come down a little tough but it was worth it. So far.. no porn today . Even though I had been looking at regular porn I think i'm just gonna try and cut it out. Because now I can't even masturbate without porn and to me that is a sign of a problem. I have never been sexually active (as you know) so i was thinking that ill just not look at porn in like 2 weeks I should be super horny so than i will be able to masturbate to a fantasy of some hot blonde chick with blue eyes slowly coming out of a swimming pool with a nice tan, and water dripping all over... mmm lol