Desperately Seeking Help

Hello all.

My boyfriend (although at this moment I am not able to call him that) and best friend has recently confessed to me that he is a pedophile. I truly love him and want to do all that I can to help him, but I'm having trouble. I believe I am the only person who knows, so the burden of this is weighing down on me. I don't want to betray his trust... however, I don't want this to escalate into something terrible. I don't want to see him in jail when I know there must be something I can do for him.

I need some help. I need some direction to take. I want to get him professional help, but I don't know if he would be willing so that may be out of the question.

I plan to talk to him later in the week to get a better perspective on the whole situation, but right now I really just need the opinion of others who understand. I'm afraid that others who know the both of us will consider him a threat or disgusting or something like that, or that I will be condemned for trying to get him help instead of just shunning him.

Please. Any kind words or advice will be greatly appreciated.

serendipity07, in the eyse of the law, there is a world of difference between having paedophilic thoughts and carrying out paedophilic actions. Whilst it is not ideal, having paedophilic thoughts is not in any way detectable by the law. However, carrying out the actions is, as you know, abhorred by society and punishable by severe sentences. So, provided your 'boyfriend' is quite aware of this, he should be in a good starting position to work on the thoughts and not have too much fear in his mind. I mean, provided he is capable of not carrying out any of these thoughts in real life, then he should be fine.

How exactly was it relayed to you that he is this way? I believe that sitting down to talk is a good idea, but make sure it's at a time that is agreeable to both of you, and not some time such as after work when both of you are tired and or stressed.

Kevin

I was wondering too how he went about telling you?
He would need professional help with this for sure, if he think he might act on it. This is something that can destroy his life for ever.
I know for me if I personally met someone that confessed this to me, I would probably be at a loss of what to do, other than try to get them into a group of professionals that deal with this on a day to day basis.
What I do think, is what we are turned on by is determined very early in life and stays with us. It may vary a bit as we go through life but the main core of it , is always there.
I would suggest talking to him further and get more information, but I don't think it is something you on your own could deal with. I think that would be asking too much.

Chucky wrote:serendipity07, in the eyse of the law, there is a world of difference between having paedophilic thoughts and carrying out paedophilic actions. Whilst it is not ideal, having paedophilic thoughts is not in any way detectable by the law. However, carrying out the actions is, as you know, abhorred by society and punishable by severe sentences. So, provided your 'boyfriend' is quite aware of this, he should be in a good starting position to work on the thoughts and not have too much fear in his mind. I mean, provided he is capable of not carrying out any of these thoughts in real life, then he should be fine.

How exactly was it relayed to you that he is this way? I believe that sitting down to talk is a good idea, but make sure it's at a time that is agreeable to both of you, and not some time such as after work when both of you are tired and or stressed.

Kevin

He just told me that he is one and then broke down in tears. And I agree, we will discuss a time to talk.
Thank you for your advice and kind words. They are truly helpful.

JeffreyA wrote:I was wondering too how he went about telling you?
He would need professional help with this for sure, if he think he might act on it. This is something that can destroy his life for ever.
I know for me if I personally met someone that confessed this to me, I would probably be at a loss of what to do, other than try to get them into a group of professionals that deal with this on a day to day basis.
What I do think, is what we are turned on by is determined very early in life and stays with us. It may vary a bit as we go through life but the main core of it , is always there.
I would suggest talking to him further and get more information, but I don't think it is something you on your own could deal with. I think that would be asking too much.

I truly am at a loss. I hope that he will consider talking to professionals if it is something he feels will lead to action, but I can't force him.

Thank you for replying.

It's imperative that he get help. And you, better than anyone else, is capable of getting him there. Be very firm with him-- if he is not willing to get help, you should not allow yourself to be affected by his illness. I mean that you should cut him out of your life unless he is willing to seek treatment, and you should tell him that those are the terms. Easier said than done-- but it's the best thing for both of you.

It depends of what you kind of help you're seeking. You need to elaberate a bit more. What result do you wish to see with your boyfriend by taking him to a therapist? Remember any information he gives about himself is saved by a therapist. You can see why the thought of this information lying around somewhere could scare him. Push the issue with him and see what happens.