Its a shame pedophiles can't get help until they hurt

i have two issues i'd like to hear some comments on:

1. about a week ago I discovered violent pornographic images on a co-workers computer. These were ILLEGAL porn images. Yes, you know what kind I'm talking about. The co-worker has been charged with a felony. Everytime I close my eyes I see these pictures, these horrible acts, the monsters commitng them, the poor innocent victims. I wonder who the girls were and what happens at the end of the videos? was it an abduction and murder? I wish I had never seen these pictures/videos. I only saw a few and just for a few seconds but I can't let it go. Will I always so vividly remember what I saw? What can I do? How can I sleep again?

2. this co-worker CAN NOT get any counseling. all of the crisis centers that his family has contacted do not want to get involved due to legal issues. he must wait until the courts order a psych evaluation. if he has indeed hurt a child and tells a counselor they are required to report it to law enforcement. so am i just finding out that if men have feelings that make them want to hurt a child then they can not ask for help? they must hurt a child and do prison time first? that is so wrong!

The crisis center here in my town, my family doctor, the national coalition for the protection of children and families, the department of family and children services, the coliseum psychiatric center, crossroads rehabilitation center, and the chirstian counseling service. also, my friends attorney said he could make the situation much worse by talking to someone and he should stop making phone calls about it.

Fujimo,

Sadly you may remember what you saw for a long time, it is often that way with traumatic events. You and others affected by the sight of these horrible acts will likely have to face something similar to what I deal with as part of my PTSD. The good news is that the help of a therapist can help you deal with the emotions surrounding this and lessen their impact. In time you may not have to face them at all.

As for not being able to get help until someone has been harmed, that is wrong. People with urges to harm children can come forward BEFORE someone is harmed and get treatment. They fear that treatment because they believe that they will go to jail merely for the thoughts they have. That is why they end up finding child porn and getting involved in a world that only serves to make their urges stronger. That is why they wind up hurting children.

Terms such as "before a paedophile harms" are inaccurate, as many paedophiles never offend or harm children.

It is important to remember that there is no "cure" for paedophilia. Therapies are available for people who have deviant sexual behaviour, however such therapy is clearly unnecessary for non-offending paedophiles.

It would be useful if it were safe for paedophiles to seek help for issues induced by social perceptions of paedophilia, such as depression.

Yes that is true that most pedophiles usually never act on their urges. There are a lot of misconceptions about pedophilia to begin with, in fact according to some studies many child molesters are actually not true "pedophiles" and act because they could not get with adults......or they people with insecurity issues of control. I have met people who would call themselves pedophiles but they are hardly the monsters popular culture claims them to be, and certainly not the monster my dad was.

Of course, there still pedophiles who do abuse. This is the area where therapy can help these people, if their urges are strong. And no, they won't be reported to the authorities if they did not harm a child and just have the urges. So the co-worker in the original post can get help for his out of control urges if he wanted to.......though once legal action is taken yes this does make things more difficult.

Yes there is no "cure" for pedophilia......just like there is no cure for any other sexual orientation/paraphilia. Human beings seem to get attracted to a whole bunch of things......as long as it remains fantasy then I don't have a problem with it and they don't need to be "cured".

Hello. This is my first time posting.

I don't mean to interject, but I'm having trouble finding resources for pedophiles who haven't yet offended. I've scoured google and found very little in the way of online communities. I find myself very attracted to young girls and have two issues in particular.

1.) Most of the resources I've found online are for offenders and I feel that I don't fit in at these places so I haven't given them a try.

2.) I feel ashamed and stigmatized even bringing it up and only in the most confidential way possible do I feel comfortable revealing anything about my identity in order to receive help.

I'm already talking to my shrink (one-on-one) AND my ecclesiastical leader (in the company of my wife) regularly to help me continue to avoid using animated and hand-drawn pornography depicting underage girls. Even during those sessions I'm mortified at the thought of discussing my urges, and more importantly I don't feel that any of the people I discuss it with can relate to what I go through when I'm really tempted to relapse into finding inappropriate (albeit legal) material.

What crushes me sometimes is when my wife, (who's normally a saint), uses my sexual issues against me in arguments. I feel horribly isolated without anyone to talk to in whose company I don't feel condemned. I've sometimes turned to unhealthy communities as a result but I don't want to be a part of the problem and I really have found no emotional support anywhere.

Even if nobody knows exactly where I can go, maybe there's another forum that can help me find what I'm looking for? Please.

Hi, S33EEZ! Welcome to the forum. I'm really sorry you feel so isolated. I hope someone can tell you about where you can get more support, but you have this place too now.
You're trying to change and you haven't hurt any one. Your wife shouldn't put you down like that in arguments. Maybe you need to just see a good therapist, without her being there.
Do you think you could ask the shrink you have now if he knows of any one who specializes in this or where you could find such a person?

Thanks so much for your support. I already feel more comfortable here than at any other place I've visited. I found it through google under the search [sex addict help].

The ecclesiastical leader with whom I speak has always been understanding, and while I don't agree with my wife's behavior sometimes, I can't blame her for feeling the way she does since her brother molested her as a child and her father molested her oldest sister many years ago. Her brother's actions remain secret, but her father's actions were recently uncovered by her sister to the family. Although my own father vehemently denies having done anything, he has been incarcerated for raping my brother while he was a child. I never really knew my father and never lived with him, but I want to believe him. There's the possibility he simply doesn't remember since (I'm told) he has a history of either dissociative identity disorder or schizophrenia. In order to cope I think I've just detached myself from everything, but I'm starting to believe that confronting my issues will help to break the cycles in our families. My shrink has helped me be more aware of how I process these things and I've been able to better accept the emotions behind it all. Still, I'm uncertain about just what my goals are or what I want from the help and community I'm looking for. A part of me feels like it will always be in shackles. I guess just putting my thoughts in writing and getting some feedback here would be a great place to start. Thanks again.

S33EEZ, welcome to the site. As you may have gathered, there are a lot of us here (myself included) that were sexually abused as children. Because of this, there may be times when you feel less supported and more attacked even here.

That said, we do report posts where we feel someone is a danger to others or has admitted a criminal act of any sort. I know this is not the case with you, but you'll read some of the other threads where this has been done.

I know that there are others with similar issues still visiting and sometimes posting on the site and hopefully among them, you'll find a community of folks who are trying to deal with their attractions to children in an appropriate and safe way.

Yes, I think talking here is a good place to start for you and there will be someone to listen. You can't help the fact that you feel this way and you know it's wrong.
You could tell your wife that you're not responsible for what happened to her and her sister and you're just trying to get better.
I'm sorry for what happened to your brother as well, it's terrible. Maybe it has something to do with why you feel this way, who knows.
It's nice that your counsellor if supportive.