Know why you are this way?

It has been quite some time since I last posted, but I used to occasionally come here to post about being a sadist and gore-fetishist.

Since then I've actually told a councillor pretty much all of the ###$ up $#%^ in my head; that an interest in torture, mutilation, rape, murder and necrophilia have been with me since my early teens.

She was cool about it in that detached, fabricated way that professionals are. She never offered advice on how to ‘deal with it’ because I've never considered it a problem. She did, however, say that people who suppress their anger/emotions are far more likely to have these types of fantasies.

This is where I disagree. I hear the same $#%^ about cannibals and paedophiles too. That they’re into what they’re into because they were abused or bullied or are just ######6 angry all the time.

This has been asked before, but like I said it has been a while so, was anyone here abused/bullied/###$ and do you feel that you suppress your anger over these things?

Even if you do, would you contribute this directly to your paraphilia?

DesLock wrote:This has been asked before, but like I said it has been a while so, was anyone here abused/bullied/###$ and do you feel that you suppress your anger over these things?

1) Yes.
2) Maybe? I could be angry, hell, I would have the right to be angry about many things. But being angry is too much of a chore. In my teens I was angry though, so it might count. And since I barely remember anything from my first 12 years, most likely there are much more other things that I could be angry about...

DesLock wrote:Even if you do, would you contribute this directly to your paraphilia?

Not sure. According to the few memories that survived my childhood, even as kid I was "strange". So it isn't impossible, that I would have ended up like this anyway. Though my early years didn't help much either.

----

So: meh.
It ain't impossible, but it is hard to prove. Though it wouldn't be strange if people who suppress their anger/emotions are more prone to these, than those who didn't. Statistically speaking anyways. Still over half of the people with paraphilias could have clean childhoods.

Yes, my childhood was quite bad, and yes, I to suppress anger (and a whole lot of other emotions) over the issue.

No, I do not hold that these repressed emotions were a significant casual factor in my paraphilia.

If anything, these factors are more related to issues with anxiety, self-esteem and interpersonal relationship issues; but not the pedophilia.

I stopped asking "why" a long time ago. No one knows and there are too many variables to calculate. Today, I'm more concerned about "what can I do about it".