Gerontophilia?

Hi. I'm 18 years old and i suspect I may be a gerontophile from my research but im unsure. Im going to be frank so that you can understand me better hopefully and help me identify these confusing feelings. In a non cocky way although i know this sounds stuck up, I've always been called 'beautiful' my whole life, ive done some modelling and i recieve alot of attention from boys my age. However, after experimenting with porn from an early age (14/15) i found i was most interested in things that shock me and although im not turned on by other paraphilias i enjoyed watching videos which would be considered 'freaky'. Ive found ive developed a very strong attraction to older men, but not just older its usually the more creepy, disgusting, fat old men that i have the strongest attraction towards especially when theyre with young attractive girls. I love the attention they give them and that look that they cant believe theyre f****** such a pretty girl when theyre so gross. I dont know why i feel like this, and im ashamed as i have a boyfriend my own age but still fantasise about dirty old men. I dont know if i would ever act on my urges, but ive found regular porn is boring to me mow. Is this a paraphilia or am i just a freak? Please help.

It sounds like you get off on power. Assuming this isn't a crafted troll to annoy the users on here, who hope to bag a hotter, younger girlfriend, or that the OP post isn't wanting to mock older males who feel sexual feelings towards younger females, the language and the reason you like what you like is due to feeling a need for attention and power and control. E.g. narcissism.

"Ive found ive developed a very strong attraction to older men, but not just older its usually the more creepy, disgusting, fat old men that i have the strongest attraction towards especially when theyre with young attractive girls. I love the attention they give them and that look that they cant believe theyre f****** such a pretty girl when theyre so gross."

See, you're calling them gross, fat, old, ugly. That means you're not a gerontophile, because you aren't attracted to them. It means you enjoy the power play.

Bit harsh.

I can't follow lll's line of thought personally. How do you gather so assuredly she isn't attracted to them when she uses terms like 'i'm strongly attracted'. I can't follow that logic.

Well I'd have to say it's a paraphilia. Are you a freak? Probably not. Lots of people have paraphilias, you just don't hear about them. Who knows what the causes are? Maybe they are natural and nothing to worry about, maybe they are symptomatic of emotional discomfort. I suppose you'd know best in your case. But in general, it's normal to worry there is something wrong with you because paraphilia's aren't talked about. But really, they are common and nothing to feel ashamed of. Embrace it.

The OP says they are strongly attracted to them, but the only reason for their attraction is due to " I love the attention they give them and that look that they cant believe theyre f****** such a pretty girl when theyre so gross."

"so gross".
"dirty old men".
"creepy, disgusting, fat old men".

These also happen to be insults used by people towards older guys they think or know are pedophiles. I'm not sure when the terms 'creepy', 'disgusting', 'fat old' became terms of endearment if that shows the OP's attraction to them.

If its not a trolling post, then I do apologize, but with such low post count, and basically hitting on all the negging terms used by 'normals' for 'pedophiles', it doesn't sound genuine. I'm actually quite used reading this kind of things as confirmed, legitimate trolls on image boards, so maybe I'm seeing something that isn't there.

Anyway, the OP says they're attracted to how the old fat gross creepy disgusting guys are lucky to be having sex with someone younger, not that they're attracted to the old guys themselves. You don't call something you're attracted to physically gross, afaik. Can any other pedo/hebe/teleio/geronto-phile weigh in on whether they find their primary attraction physically gross?

Hi.
I am originally posted this topic but i deleted my account because i felt stupid after no replies. Today i decided to look up the post out of curiosity.

I came here looking for support. I am not trolling anyone, and my intention was not to mock anyone for their sexual preferences especially when I am so confused about my own. I understand that the derogatory language i used may have came across that way but i was just trying to be as honest as possible about my feelings and although it seems harsh it does seem to be, what would be considered, the 'uglier' or stereotypically 'creepy' older men with young(18/19 yr old) beautiful girls that turns me on the most. You suggest it could be a power thing and I had considered this, and did a little bit of research into the 'electra complex' i think its called? I did feel that was somewhat valid however, i think the thing that turns me on is the lack of power as i prefer movies where the girl seems like shes been taken advantage of by these older men.. verging on rape fantasy almost. I think my attraction is to be degraded... I dont know. Again, i dont think im something all that special and i know it comes across like that but.. yeah.

Not trolling. Just lost. Like I said, I have a boyfriend and I'm not looking to 'tease' older men looking for a 'young hot girlfriend'.