Teenage Pedophile *Possible Trigger*

I don't know why I'm posting here but I suppose it's because I have nowhere else to go. It's very difficult for me to post this but I can't stand keeping it to myself.

I'm 17 years old and ever since I was 13 I've been attracted to 10 year old boys and above. I'm also attracted to people my age and adult men and women as well. I'm completely ashamed and I hate myself. I try so hard to be a good person and I just want to spread positive things throughout this world but I'll always be a monster because of my attraction to younger boys. I'm terrified of hurting a child and I can't stand even being around them because it makes me very uncomfortable. If any of my friends or family found out they would hate me. I feel as if I can't fully rely or trust anyone because of this.

I also think I was molested as a child but I have no recollection of it happening. It makes me feel as if it never even happened but a part of me is completely sure that it did. I'm so tired of feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself. It seems like the only solution is suicide. As much as I want to stay alive it just seems like the right thing to do...

As someone attracted to women and young boys aged 11-15 I can understand what you are going through. Just because you have this attraction does NOT make you a monster. You still can be a good person and have a positive influence on the world. Some of the greatest, most talented, influential men in history were also attracted to boys. Just from what you've said I know you would never hurt a kid so how does simple fantasy make you a monster? Please don't kill yourself because of your attractions as you can still be as good of a person as you want to be.

Mustelidae wrote:As someone attracted to women and young boys aged 11-15 I can understand what you are going through. Just because you have this attraction does NOT make you a monster. You still can be a good person and have a positive influence on the world. Some of the greatest, most talented, influential men in history were also attracted to boys. Just from what you've said I know you would never hurt a kid so how does simple fantasy make you a monster? Please don't kill yourself because of your attractions as you can still be as good of a person as you want to be.

I just want to break down because I know none of my friends or family would accept me if they knew. I know a person is more than their sexuality but how do you deal with a curse such as this? It makes me feel unpure. I've been crying in bed these past few days because it's been so difficult for me to deal with. I know I would never hurt a kid but having to deal with these disturbing thoughts is torturous.

I used to be disgusted and scared but I have grown to accept it. I enjoy my attractions. The only thing that stressed me out was not telling anyone. I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't. I'm not saying you need to tell someone but it helped me a lot. I don't know if you have anyone that you can trust though. Try not to torture yourself over your thoughts. So long as they remain just fantasy you aren't hurting anyone and you don't deserve to hurt yourself over it. You say you are attracted to people your own age of both gender. Try to pursue a healthy relationship with someone your own age and maybe if you find the right person you may be able to share this burden with them and will have someone loving to listen to you and help you through it.