of who I've been set in

I knew I had a "problem." I knew it was somewhat out of control. I just never took the time to really think about the full reprucussions of how I was behaving.

Early this evening I was in a teen chat room. This is something I have taken to during my more bored/less productive times. Though I was certain I shouldn't be there I failed to see the harm in it. After all, the internet is a world of fantasy, right? Nothing is real for it is all so intangible. No one is who they say they are.

I have been aware of my attraction to teen girls for quite some time. I have struggled and wrestled with it. often telling myself that it wasn't who I am and then returning to the same old behaviors and patterns. I also found that I had a predilection for feet, in particularly of teen girls.

Again, other than online flights of fancy I kept these things to myself and pretty well under wraps. until tonight that is.

As I said I had ventured into a chat room, a place I had been numerous times before, pretending to be anything from a 14 yo girl to the 42 yo man that I am. In my head I suppose I just saw it as dialogue, harmless conversation. Tonight someone helped change that for me and pushed me in the direction of seeking help.

I don't want to tell the whole story, mostly for the other person's sake. Some of who she is and what she does is not mine to share. however, she did share with me her story. She explained to me just how deeply this "harmless" dialogue can affect another person. She told me how her life has been impacted and she destroyed by the acts of someone like me.

I didn't like hearing that. I didn't like being that. Despite any attempts I have made in the past to correct myself I have always failed.

So tonight I am here to get the help and support I never realized were there for me.

I used to do something similar, though I would talk to adults (but I would claim to be a teenager). Part of what I liked was the conversation (usually sexual), but the other part was the creativity. Something that I did to help myself get the second part was I started writing stories. Some are good, lots of them aren't very good. I don't publish them or anything, I just write them for myself. Why do you feel you were doing what you were doing?