Am I a pedophile?

My worries over whether or not I am a pedophile started six years ago when I was 18 and working with children. There was a small girl came right up close to me like she was going to hold on to me because she wanted me to come with her, and I started having an erection. When I went to find a place to sit and she decided to sit on my lap, and I found that my erection was not going down. It did not make me feel any more comfortable when she was then kissing both of my arms, or when I tried pushing her off me and she just made a big fuss and fought to stay on.

This all ended up creating a lot of stress and anxiety for me and made me feel practically broken, as this was what led me to worry that this makes me a pedophile. This was made worse by the fact that I would sometimes get an erection again when the girl hugged me or wanted me to carry her. All this terror and depression that I could really be one of the world's most despised types of people just spiraled into constant confusion, obsession, and inner turmoil over whether or not I am actually attracted to children. I lost my appetite for a while, and I cried over this a couple times.

I later also wondered if this could have had anything to do with a time several months earlier when I was carrying her (She really liked being carried around by me a lot). That was when she started slipping down and so her feet rubbed against my groin as she was climbing back up, which caused me to have a bit of an erection, though I did not think much it at that point. A little after that while I was pushing her on the sing I had a bit of a funny feeling in my body, though I was not having an erection, so I'm not really sure whether that meant anything.

I've once again become so anxious and confused about this lately. I really don't want to be a pedophile, but it's difficult to see how else this could have happened. I just can't figure out what that all meant. Based on all that, how likely does it seem that I actually am a pedophile?

One girl got you aroused in six years. You're not likely a pedophile. You do sound like you're dealing with a form of OCD which is causing the intrusive thoughts and groinal response.

More than half the time when someone comes to this forum with the question "am I a pedophile?" that is the answer. They're not pedophiles, but are so afraid of being pedophiles they end up tying themselves in knots over it.

I'm a pedophile. Every time I go to the grocery store, I see little girls I find attractive. I don't always get an errection right then and there, but I know what I like and I see it quite often. There's nothing wrong with being like me, for the record. I'm a pretty awesome person. You're probably not a pedophile, but if you were, what's so terrifying about that?

I would say the most terrifying thing about being a pedophile would be the inability to form an intimate and romantic adult relationship if that does in fact end up being the case. Right now, I am terrified about that. Everything else I could give 2 shits about.

To the OP, let me ask you this. What do you think of when you look at the girl? And what about other little girls?

I wouldn't use pedophile for anyone because that's a label and it doesn't respect the living soul that a person is to use labels. I'd use an expression like 'sexual ideas and thoughts about girls'. Some people have more or less sexual thoughts about girls; very few men would have had none.

The scary thing for me about the idea of being a pedophile is being stuck with such a heavily stigmatized condition that most people would say makes one inherently morally defective, regardless of whether or not it's actually acted on. Ever since I started questioning whether I am a pedophile or not, I would often feel a lot of anxiety from not being able to figure out whether I find little girls attractive or not. Not really sure what else there is exactly to think when I see them, other than that they are little girls. But then again, I haven't really been seeing that many little girls ever since I stopped working with children six years ago. On the other hand, I know that I'm attracted to adults, but since finding a romantic partner is just not a priority for me at this point, it's not something that I'm really concerned about. So I guess you could say that my attraction to adults is just something that I take for granted.

FrainBurr6 wrote:The scary thing for me about the idea of being a pedophile is being stuck with such a heavily stigmatized condition that most people would say makes one inherently morally defective, regardless of whether or not it's actually acted on. Ever since I started questioning whether I am a pedophile or not, I would often feel a lot of anxiety from not being able to figure out whether I find little girls attractive or not. Not really sure what else there is exactly to think when I see them, other than that they are little girls. But then again, I haven't really been seeing that many little girls ever since I stopped working with children six years ago. On the other hand, I know that I'm attracted to adults, but since finding a romantic partner is just not a priority for me at this point, it's not something that I'm really concerned about. So I guess you could say that my attraction to adults is just something that I take for granted.

Like I say, all sorts of sexual thoughts pass through most guy's minds. If we don't put a label on ourselves it might be less stressful; and thoughts come and thoughts go. As long as you're not in any danger for instance being attacked by a furious father, or arrested for looking at illegal pornography there isn't much to really be stressed about. They're just thoughts and feelings passing through. You may want to have a look through this index for other threads about POCD mind you, some of the longer discussions have a lot of info that might be of interest to you.

I don't know how to stop worrying about this. I don't want to be a pedophile, but it just feels so counterintuitive to think that getting an erection from having a tiny girl excitedly hopping up and down right in front of my groin is not necessarily a sign of pedophilia.

You were 18 at the time. A gust of wind in your direction would have caused an erection, let alone a human being jumping up and down near your groin. After that when she hugged you or you had to carry her you either thought about that moment again, causing an erection, or you stressed over this whole idea and worried about being aroused so much that you then became aroused. I'm pretty sure you have POCD or at least thoughts similar to it.

Is it me or does it seem that there may be something akin to the concept of the sexual child entering our collective unconscious, possibly directing people to have thoughts the may well not have 20 yrs ago? Some academic said something along these lines, Amy Adler I think her name was. She said the discussion of child sex abuse and CP conceptualizes the child as a sexual object.

I think it is known that actual paedophiles are very rare. But the viewing of CP is increasing exponentially, so something is driving that. I am uncomfortable that some mid teens are convinced they are fixed paedophiles, which is ironic, because in society and law you are a paedophile if you are attracted to mid teens....

cumulusjames wrote:the concept of the sexual child entering our collective unconscious

Yes, it's an epochal shift. The dawn of the recognition of the child as a sexual being. The blow wrought by feminists to the sexist dimension of patriarchy has mortally wounded the man, the ageist aspect of the sexually repressive power structure is toppling. Child sexuality will bring in an a new age of peace and love unlike the world has known for tens of the thousands of years.