*trigger* I'm afraid I might become the next Jeffrey Dahmer

I am a teenager who gets turned on by watching people die, having sex with dead people and cutting people up.

The thing is that I don't want to have these thoughts. They make me feel really perverted. I have turned to alcohol to help relieve stress I get from these thoughts. I feel disgusting, and sometimes I feel as if I need to die so that I won't hurt anyone in the future. I need to kill myself, because I don't wan't to kill anyone else.

You might think: If you don't want to kill people, just don't.

But it feels like I have two people inside my head, constantly battling against eachother.
Right now I feel pretty content with life and I don't excessively feel the need to kill. I still have the thoughts but I try to ignore them.

About a week ago I couldn't stop fantasizing about what it would be like to kidnap my ex girlfriend, keep her in my basement, rape her, torture her, kill her, chop hear up and then eat her.
Obviously I am not going to do it since she lives in another country now.

I change my mind constantly, that might have something to do with all the symptoms I show of Borderline Personality Disorder.

So basically, I want to know if there is any treatment for thise type of thing or if there's any way to get rid of these thoughts.

Um. Talk to a doctor. Tell him about your other symptoms that relate to a BPD diagnosis. Perhaps an anti-psychotic can help you along with some kind of mood stabilizer.

Urges are completely different than doing the real thing...Don't chop people up and eat them. That's just nasty. It's best to not act on any of your urges. You'll get in trouble. Prison can't be fun either. You're talking about your ex. Perhaps you could discuss how you feel about her with a therapist.

Definitely take some drugs. You don't want to go to prison. It's not worth it.

Yeah, I'm going to second 'seek psychiatric help' here. That's nothing to be ashamed of, but having constant, persistent urges you have to resist of the extreme and violent variety you describe ('like...two people inside [your] head, constantly battling') is not only not fun but potentially dangerous.

You may be able to resist harming anybody but actively having to resist every day is exhausting and can also leave you feeling like absolute garbage for having those urges while being a relatively decent person. Your entire quality of life must be suffering as a result... and it's going to continue to suffer if you don't find a safe way to deal with what's going on in your head. So, yeah, see a mental professional, friend! :3

I'd really like to know if you're saying that fantasies of kidnapping, sexual attraction to death, and the other things you've mentioned are symptoms of BPD. Because as far as I know, they're not. I suffer from BPD and I know many others that do. Nobody that I know has these fantasies.

I'm not saying this to attack you, only to say that you shouldn't self diagnose. You definitely need to seek professional help, like right now. If you're having these thoughts you are a potential danger to others if not yourself. Please, before something bad happens, get help immediately. Again, this is not to attack you, but to get you to see that you alone have a choice to either live like this or seek help to heal.

OP, I sit and read many many posts on this site, your post got me to register just to say Hey you are alone. It is for sure a struggle. I relate to you on this. I won't tell you what to do here. I see someone three times a month. If you decide to see someone make sure they are licensed, read the paperwork carefully. Hang in there, do what you think is best. But know you are not alone.

Firstly let me reassure you a little bit. You are not like Dahmer, you feel, at some extent, bad for those thoghts, you want them to go away. Dahmer was completely okay with what he did. He was a psychopath and you don't strike me as one.

Secondly, it's normal to have fantasies, even violent ones, as long as you don't act on them and hurt innocent people. Only acting on them is a crime. Nevertheless, I can understand why are you worried, you are scared that you can't control those impulses. My advice is that you try (I know it can be very hard) not to masturbate to those fantasies, so as to you don't end up reinforcing them further. (At least as long as you feel that you cannot control them and may harm people). Try to masturbate to porn that is not related to violence. (I'm not saying that you should erradicate your fantasies, you should embrace them, I'm just suggesting that you try to keep them at hold while you feel that you cannot control them). Try to keep yourself occupied with different activities, work, school, house chores, sports, whatever.

Finally, I recommend that you should see a professional, maybe a psychiatrist, a school's psychologist and go from there. There is no shame in asking for help, in fact, it takes a very strong person to admit that they need help. They will not judge you, they will not tell anyone and I'm sure they will do their best to aid you.

Ps: These Dahmer-like fantasies with your ex-gf, are they exclusively directed to her? Perhaps you had a rough breakup and it's your way of expressing your rage.

Hope to hear back from you.

I agree largely with pararez, you don't sound like a psychopath or the next Jeffrey Dahmer. The fact that you're on here looking for help if a sign enough that you have good faith. In fact, you remind me largely of me in high school. I've noticed my paraphilia is always worse when I'm depressed, and high school was a rough time so I often felt like a monster or that I wouldn't be able to control myself and what would happen in that case.

What happened was that I did control myself. Life got better in college, and now I'm steady and easy. Where I don't agree with pararez is where he said to try to shut down the fantasies for the time being. I'm no psychiatrist, obviously, so you can take everything with a grain of salt, but I tried long ago to stop masturbating or to stop the fantasies and it absolutely did not work.

My new method is the exact opposite: let the fantasies run wild, let them get out of hand, and use the masturbation as a release of any anger or anxiety or what-have-you. As long as you're able to keep the worlds separate, I've found that such a release is necessary. Maybe think of it like an inflating balloon, you need to release the air to keep it safe or else you risk it popping.

As for whether you seek professional help, I think that's entirely your choice. I never have (in fact, I've never told anyone ever) and I've managed fine, but I don't know you and you may be worse off than me and I'm not sure if the BPD could come into play at all (I am not BPD). If you're seriously worried you won't be able to control yourself, perhaps it would be for the best. Only you really know what your situation is.

Please don't get me wrong. I agree with you that masturbation can help you in letting the frustration out. It works for me as well. My fear was that masturbation could reinforce the fantasy to a point that he can no longer let it be just a fantasy, because that is how it sometimes works with serial killers. It starts as a fantasy that is not controled and often evolves in to something else when they notice that the fantasy alone is not enough for them to have a climax. But I totally agree with you, it help blowing of steam and the stress, my fantasies are not as aggressive but it works when i'm mad, stressed, sad or whatever.

That being said, I think you should do something in between our opionions (keep in mind that we are not mental health professionals in any way), masturbate to release that tension but try not to masturbate too much, so as to not to aggravate them.

I am like you and i would have no problem going Dexter on your as$ if i ever find out who you are. Whatever helps to rid this world of people like you and me, before i leave this world myself.

Emo digging up dead threads....I think thats a fetish.