Confused, lonely and wanting help

Hi,
I'm new to this forum, i found it by shear chance, so i best first introduce myself. I am a man in my 30's and lead a normal life in most ways, except for my problems that i bring here. I have been attracted to young boys for some while and when i was younger i believed it would simply fade with time, i was wrong.
Since then u have looked for support, but find online help minimal because of the taboo nature. I have seen my Doctor and several Counselors/Psychotherapists, but on the whole i have been unable to confide in most and my most recent one reported me, even though she said she felt i wan't any danger. This has understandably made me very unable to trust anyone to get help or even talk about my feelings.
I have never acted on and am convinced i never will, i just have an attraction the same as everyone else and want to be 'normal'. I don't ever want to hurt a child and as i don't have attractions to people my own age, i feel a will end up being totally alone one day.
I also had a feeling of 'love' for one child, and i was happy just t know them, until they grew up and 'changed' their response pattern to me, (they turned to treating me almost like a stranger). This broke my heart and now because of these 2 problems, i find myself often feeling as if things will never improve, or i will never get help. I just want support, but don't know where to find it.

Please don't judge me, i'm not a bad person.

P.s In the past i have tried to take my life because of how hard i find it living day and night with these problems

That's me, sorry to rant on a bit.

My questions to you all, is if there is anyone out there with similar feelings, how do you manage to get through each day as 'normally' as possible?
Does anyone know any way i can get help or any method of therapy that you would advise.
And is there any advise anyone can give just to make my day go a by a little easier.

Any support would be grateful.

" I have been attracted to young boys for some while and when i was younger i believed it would simply fade with time, i was wrong. "

I felt the same way when my attraction started.

" my most recent one reported me, even though she said she felt i wan't any danger."

And people wonder why pedophiles do not go to therapist more often. "Oh, they cannot report you unless you have actually abused a child." Just goes to prove their ignorance or malevolence.

Therapy is just prison without the bars.

" In the past i have tried to take my life because of how hard i find it living day and night with these problems"

You are not alone. I'm sure there are many people on this forum who have thought about, or even attempted suicide.

"My questions to you all, is if there is anyone out there with similar feelings, how do you manage to get through each day as 'normally' as possible?"

I distract myself with video games and pot.

Welcome to the forum. This is one of the few places that you can talk openly about such things and I'm sure just doing that will be of great help.

Thanks for the replies. It's nice to know i'm not alone. It's just a shame people that haven't done anything wrong are so treated as 2nd rate citizen's that places to talk and get help are very few and far between.

You are definitely not alone, the loneliness never really goes away, I'm starting a form of therapy for the first time in two weeks and it will be interesting to see if it helps me to talk about it with a professional

I know how you feel, and I'm sorry your young friend has changed his response pattern to you.

I know the problems with therapists out there. It is hard to find one who even knows how to begin to help people like us, who has compassion, and understands properly the reporting laws. They aren't supposed to report people just for being pedophiles, but only if an identified child is at risk of abuse. However, if you can find one who meets all those criteria, I find they are a joy to go see. I've had some bad ones, but when I had a good one, the week could not go by fast enough because I wanted to see him again so much.

Keep looking, and don't just take the first one you come across. There is a good list of questions to ask a potential therapist on the B4U-Act website on the seeking therapy page.