Do I have this certain paraphilia/fetish?

Ok one day about a year ago I really started thinking back and came upon a time when I was viewing porn like 5 years ago and watched scenes of attractive girls relieving themselves, which is known as scat. I sid this on another occassion that I can remember. I dont know why I watched it bit I did. Ive never done that or came close to seeing someone do that in real life and it has never been a fantasy thst I obsess about. Now Im constantly thinking and worrying, what if I do want thAt? Im in my 30s now and grew up with a pretty normal sexuality no strange or bizzare fetishes really. This one kinda disturbs me. Also I remember a scene in a porn where ( sorry for being graphic) it was an anal scene and looked like there was "leakage" from the girl. I remember I click back to see it and not sure if i was aroused by that or was just because it was sex but now im just worried.
What are your thoughts?

My thought is this: You have, perhaps, discovered something that arouses you which you weren't previously aware of, and you are worried about it. You might as well be worried about your eye colour, or the timbre of your voice, or the fact that you need (or don't need) glasses. If scat arouses you, it arouses you, and there's no way that you won't be aroused by it because somehow, at some previous time in your life, probably when you were very young, the sight or thought of a girl relieving herself aroused you and that path of arousal became hard wired into your involuntary nervous system.

Everyone has something, usually many things, that arouse them. That doesn't mean that they have to act on them. You don't have to start, now, looking for images and videos of girls relieving themselves to turn you on. But if you did do that, it's not a crime, nor is it a sign of moral weakness, or mental disease, or anything other than the fact that it turns you on. You don't have to tell anyone about it, nor do you have to look for relationships with women who will relieve themselves on your behalf.

Don't take my word for this. Read Perve — The Sexual Deviant in All of Us, by Jesse Bering.

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