my personal therapy: it is working!

You might define it controversial, revolutionary, you may either agree with it or disagree, you may hate ir or love it: I named it "Psychological shock-inducing therapy", effective but controversial.

No, it doesn't mean that it is capable of "erasing" my paraphilias, this is not the goal as I believe it's not even possible to do so (unless you become a total zombie and have one part of the brain removed and end up being a vegetable unable to function properly).
It is only capable of reducing the amount of stress and the amount of fantasies produced by the mind, and it only refers to sadistic fantasies. You all know I'm having a problem with those lately, and after just one month the solution seems to have come.

I will not write too much about it as it's still to be defined but I will briefly tell you what it consists of and how it came to my mind.
You know that I've been exposing myself to extreme violence these days: not watching (because I don't have the guts to do so, sorry, and it might be just too much and hence result in an unwanted and excessive result such as trauma), but reading about extreme sadistic violence like reading the famous (or infamous) de Sade's book 120 Days of Sodom or reading about the plot and scenes descriptions of the most controversial movie ever made, A Serbian movie, reading about a bunch of other splatter and pornographic movies (the combination of porn + violence is very important as it's the key point of my psyche) or reading about snuff movies and real murders recorded on tape. I've done all of this these days, a lot, almost in an obsessive way and I thought it would lead me to madness, but what it induced was, paradoxically, the opposite result: my fantasies significantly lost their power and decreased in quantity. Sick of the constant external exposure to extreme violence (even if just in a written form as it's much safer - but letting my mind imagine the scenes), my mind is being so overwhelmed and tired of the exposure to this kind of content that it now rejects many sadistic fantasies I used to get obsessively.

WHAT?? So, ElKahn, you're saying that your exposure to this kind of [pornographic. sadistic] content through reading stuff on the internet reduced your fantasies instead of feeding them? Yes, exactly that. But it worked because I am shocked by such things, this is why I call it shock-inducing: if it does not induce shock, it does not work and could cause the opposite effect (feeding the fantasies instead of reducing them).
Yes, because I am repulsed.......

***WARNING, GRAPHIC AND POSSIBLE TRIGGER***
HIGHLIGHT THE TEXT ONLY IF YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE READING THIS

.......by the idea of someone raping a woman while slowly beheading her and then keeping to rape her after her death. This is one of the scenes of that movie. What about a man "skull-raping" another man by inserting his erection into the other man's eye and killing him this way???? That's the most terrifying thing I had ever heard of - until reading all the details of a REAL beheading of a man while it was all recorded on camera (and yes, I mean all the details of the act of beheading him).

**** END ****

I am repulsed by this kind of excessive, sick violence, so now I am so shocked by such things and especially by how they happen in real life (ever heard of the Dnepropetrovsk maniacs?) that the idea of my mind still exposing myself internally to violence (rape and mild torture of a little girl) is being kept away as it's just too much, so I'm so sick of having been exposed to this kind of stuff in these intense 3 days that I just need to purify myself and surround myself with sweetness and love and comfort because I was so shocked for one entire the day after the first time I heard of A Serbian film that my mind went totally BLANK for one day.

Am I a genius? Am I crazy? I did not have this in mind, so, from an involountary thing born by my obsessive need to get aroused by violence, to a conscious form of therapy.
It might not work for everyone, and it might have negative consequences for some, so I strongly advise to avoid this kind of thing all of you who have this kind of fantasies, it's my way of coping with myself, it is not sure how it might affect others: it might work for you too, or it might kill you.

That's the risk of this kind of treatment unconsciously created by me: it might either save you, or ruin your mind more than it already is.

I find it's working now, in the short term, but I'm not sure of the consequences in the long term yet. I just hope it will not have a long-term negative effect, I hope it won't backfire on me, but considering the short-term results, it's a great method.

Comments are welcome, as I said, you might either hate me or love me for this, and I agree that this kind of treatment I am experiencing might sound controversial or brutal but believe me, it's working for me, so negative critics are welcome as long as they are constructive.

When you originally posted about A Serbian Film, I was actually going to suggest that you go and watch it so you would be repulsed by what happened in the movie, instead of being captivated by the idea of it. I didn't say it because I didn't know if it'd work for you, but it looks like you figured this concept out on your own. Good job

Well glad it worked for you, as it seems your brain could use a rest from the thoughts. I loved the movie (plus bless those Islamic militants and their beheading vids) so that therapy wouldn't help here.

Ho-Hum.

Dude!
if that works for you, then amazing!

It would never work for me though, unfortunately that stuff tends to fuel my fire...not douse it.

Keep it up though, if you genuinely think its helping more power too you


Best of Luck

Twisted

When you say you are repulsed, what does that feel like?
Physically ill so you have to turn the sound off or squint your eyes?
Or do you feel angry by the content?
Or does it make you cry?

It sounds like you're saying you've become desensitized to violent content.
Or perhaps like quitting tobacco by overdoing it. For example if you get drunk and smoke 3 packs of cigarettes in a row, your body will naturally feel repulsed by tobacco for a few days afterward. Some people quit that way.

Nutty McNutbar wrote:When you say you are repulsed, what does that feel like?
Physically ill so you have to turn the sound off or squint your eyes?
Or do you feel angry by the content?
Or does it make you cry?

It sounds like you're saying you've become desensitized to violent content.
Or perhaps like quitting tobacco by overdoing it. For example if you get drunk and smoke 3 packs of cigarettes in a row, your body will naturally feel repulsed by tobacco for a few days afterward. Some people quit that way.

It sounds like you're saying you've become desensitized to violent content.

No, the opposite

For example if you get drunk and smoke 3 packs of cigarettes in a row, your body will naturally feel repulsed by tobacco for a few days afterward. Some people quit that way

That is the logic.

When I say I'm repulsed, I don't feel too angry by the content....depends though. I mostly feel sick but not in an excessive way, just....sick, like I need to stop reading because the stress is too much.
I don't watch videos or movies, so no need to turn sound off or look away. As I said, visual stuff would be too much and I don't want images to be printed in my mind forever, I don't want that kind of shock.
I'm not sure how else to explain, but it's a different kind of shock than visual shock. It's deeper.

So, like a disgust at the horrible things depicted? Like being disgusted that someone would treat a girl that way?

I would say hurt that some people would hurt other people in general (not only girls and not specifically talking about sexual sadism here). I read about all crimes of Dnepropetrovsk maniacs and the way they assaulted and brutally murdered like 21 people and those victims were just random, innocent people, men and women, so I feel angry thinking that it really happened and that people around the world really do these things to other people and thinking how random and brutal this kind of violence is is just....shocking, like I can't believe it and if I try to think for just one minute about the physical and mental sufferance of the victim I feel like dying inside I mean....it's too much.
Furthermore, gore so the graphic description of the murder in great details makes me sick purely due to my rejection of gore as I specifically mentioned a few times here.

Some of you might wonder and ask: "ok, you say you feel sorry for the victims and angry, you dont feel pleasure from pain so how can you say you're a sadist?".
I never said I am a sadist in this specific way. I am not the kind of sadist who enjoys seeing or reading about the brutal murder of someone, I never said I am like that, indeed I am quite the opposite.
I am a sexual sadist, this meaning in a sexual (pedophilic of course) contest only. Not all sadists are obsessed with gore and not all people obsessed with gore are necessarily sadists, I guess.
There are many kinds of sadism. I am not the BDSM sadist either, that's too mild that's too soft for me, that's consensual. In my fantasies I reject consensual relationships and reciprocity in sex. In sex I dominate and not in the S & M, but in a purely raw way. There's no leather pants or decorations or complex bondage stuff there are no fake handcuffs bought at the local sex shop.
There's real rape, there are real handcuffs, there is real rope, there is no way it is consensual and no elaborated sets like it is in BDSM. Speaking about fantasies of course.
Some could say so you feel pleasure hearing about some little girl raped....ok, I might get aroused but this does not mean I don't feel sorry for the victim.
How I fantasize about sadistic rape but feel sorry for victims at the same time is a mystery to me, but this is good, it means I am not a psychopath.
Sadism is especially dangerous when combined with antisocial personality disorder.

Hope I explained things well lol I suck at explanations