The only person who makes me feel normal

I saw the 12 year-old girl I'm in love with, L. (her name actually begins with an A but I say L to distinguish her from the girl I text whose name also begins with an A - what a coincidence!).
I was downtown with my two friends, I saw her. I was close to her, in front of her, at a distance though, not sure she could hear me. I was with my friends, they noticed her too, one joked about it and said something to me, just joking around I said to my friend "your mom!" then I realized L could hear it and felt like total s**t, I just hope she did not hear this word really, I just hope so. I have a kinda deep and quiet voice, like it's hard to hear me from a certain distance. It's not like L was very close to me, ad then she was talking and laughing with her friends, so it's not like she was looking at me, I think.
Remind you that L lost her mom, as she's missing but we're all pretty sure she was murdered. This makes me feel bad every single time I think about it.
This girl is the only one who makes me feel totally normal. No weird fantasies about her, no violent fantasies, no fetish, nothing! If I ever fantasize about her, I only imagine sweet, romantic and caring scenarios, even making love with her in my fantasies sounds taboo. She's like the most precious thing ever for me right now. I might even fantasize about taking her away with me, not really kidnapping her, but going away with her like far from her family. Rumors spread and some people in the town think that either L's brother or her father killed their own mother. Her older sister is around my age and she is at risk of life as she's in a relationship with a girl and a rebel, living on her own and living her own life and her family would not hesitate harming her if they'll ever get tired of her, of course she informed the police that if something happens to her, then it's either her brother or father. It's a horrible family, really. The other older sister also around my age who's married and has a child is kinda mean, she made my friend cry many times humiliating her for many things and my friend really is a good girl she did no harm to this woman, yet this woman was always mean to my friend.
It's an evil family, seriously. L's father has been in jail, it's a criminal family basically, one of the wealthiest families of this damn town, illegally wealthy of course.

Many times I feel bad thinking about how L is condemned to live with such a**holes, and probably even the killers of her mother, I don't want to accuse anyone but this woman disappeared after her son (the sick bastard, L's brother, I hate him even though I have never seen his f***** face) allegedly found her in bed with another man. I say allegedly because that's not sure after all.
Where I live, I mean in this region of my country only, if women belonging to such *illegally* rich, criminal families cheat on their husbands, they might get killed or sent away, but most of the times they're killed and they make things look like it was some kind of accident or they just make the body disappear in no time. They kill for money, for a bad business, for a bad, dirty, corrupted system and business, or they kill women who cheat, they kill women and men and even children if they want it.
Anyway....

She makes me feel so normal, healthy, good, innocent. I'm an angel for her. If I fantasize about making love with her, I feel like I'm lacking respect for her, I don't even masturbate thinking of her, never do that thinking of her, it's just like orgasm rejects the thought of her but not because I'm not attracted to her sexually/physically (I think she's absolutely attractive). Fantasizing about kissing and cuddling is okay though, everything that is romantic and sweet is okay and I think of that. I know, probably in love with her even though we don't talk to each other (we barely know each other, indeed). Ok, I might sound pathetic and exaggerated but that's the truth.

In this Hell, at least, I found someone, something positive.

I did not mention paranoia about her family getting to suspect my interest in her. God, don't even make me start with that s**t, don't wanna turn all paranoid now. I once told L's cousin about this (God, how dumb am I? could I be any more stupid??), about my interest I mean, she's a friend of mine though, she's 15 and I used to really like her too, hoping she'll keep being a honest friend, she's not a close friend though, after all she's a kid and damn my friend once told me "don't talk too much to M (this 15 year old girl) about L, I don't want L to know about your interest as she might tell her brother" - after that, at home, I experienced a strong paranoia attack and had to take benzodiazepines.

Aww that sounds really sweet

My heart goes out to her, I can't imagine what it'd be like to have all those horrible things happen as a 12 year old. Poor girl I hope for her sake that they find out soon what happened to her mother.

That's a very heart-touching story, I feel the same with a girl, I just can think about her in a really romantic way.
Sometimes bad things happens to good people, the world is crazy.
And if you want you should be closer to the girl, tell her that you'll be always there for her.

You will only find pain when thinking about her, or any other girl that is unobtainable. You should avoid her like the plague and treat her like she doesn't exist. The consequences of this with a woman your age are bad enough.
Fortunately pedophilia is purely physical in nature and all girls are interchangeable towards meeting your masturbational goals. As such any degree of feelings ought to begin when you start searching for fap material, and end when you get off.
Masturbating about someone you know is...unprofessional. It will lead you to feeling nervous around them in real life and ultimately will kill off your ability to interact with them. The less actual women are involved, the better.
This thread wreaks of GirlChat, I thought this forum was supposed to be about offense prevention.

FSaved wrote:You will only find pain when thinking about her, or any other girl that is unobtainable. You should avoid her like the plague and treat her like she doesn't exist. The consequences of this with a woman your age are bad enough.
Fortunately pedophilia is purely physical in nature and all girls are interchangeable towards meeting your masturbational goals. As such any degree of feelings ought to begin when you start searching for fap material, and end when you get off.
Masturbating about someone you know is...unprofessional. It will lead you to feeling nervous around them in real life and ultimately will kill off your ability to interact with them. The less actual women are involved, the better.
This thread wreaks of GirlChat, I thought this forum was supposed to be about offense prevention.

I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of cr*p provided in this post that I don't even know where should I begin to reply.

You will only find pain when thinking about her, or any other girl that is unobtainable. You should avoid her like the plague and treat her like she doesn't exist. The consequences of this with a woman your age are bad enough.

The title of the thread says: the only person who makes me feel normal. You know, after all those brutal hardcore rape sadistic psychopathic perverted fantasies I have every night, I think I should be happy that at least ONE of the girls I am attracted to makes me entirely forget about my sadism and makes me focus on the other side of the coin, being ROMANTIC. Hear that?
A woman my age??? I'm an exclusive pedophile, now what? I harm no one, rape no one, touch no one, I'm harmless, but yes I am exclusively attracted to female children. So? Who mentioned woman my age?

Fortunately pedophilia is purely physical in nature and all girls are interchangeable towards meeting your masturbational goals. As such any degree of feelings ought to begin when you start searching for fap material, and end when you get off.

WHAT??? Pedophilia purely physical??? Since when? Maybe in your fantasy world. But the useless sentence after this one makes me burst out laughing:

all girls are interchangeable towards meeting your masturbational goals

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???? There are specific age ranges of attraction, and NO not all girls are the same, they're not objects and they're not interchangeable, are you kidding me?

As such any degree of feelings ought to begin when you start searching for fap material, and end when you get off.

Material to fap? (how vulgar is this word! oh you're so sophisticated, aren't you?!)
I DON'T watch child pornography / illegal and exploitative porn in general. Thank you. I care about children.
SOOOOO I don't feel like searching "fap material", I'd have to search for legal adult porn but I'm tired of that, so I wanna quit pornography though, and well everytime I watch an adult, legal porn video I look away for a bit, imagine an underage girl and me doing the things in the video to her and get aroused by that, sorry but it's my own sexuality!

Masturbating about someone you know is...unprofessional

Lol, is there a professional way to masturbate? PLEASE TEACH ME, my Master, I'm curious to learn thine art!!!!

Now, go find the exact place where I mentioned masturbating about her. Good luck with that!

The less actual women are involved, the better.

I will fap to ghosts from now on! Thanks for the advice!

This thread wreaks of GirlChat, I thought this forum was supposed to be about offense prevention.

I had to google to find what GirlChat is, but I guess you know it well so you can describe this for me if you don't mind, isn't that right??

Countess, yeah lol yayyyy I'm able to think about sweet things, that reassures me a bit! Haha!

ludwi, I wish I could tell her and really be there for her, but I can't. Her family wouldn't let me, for example, big problem here!

Masturbating about someone you know is...unprofessional

Lol, is there a professional way to masturbate? PLEASE TEACH ME, my Master, I'm curious to learn thine art!!!!

That one kind of got me too. That was pretty funny.

Romance with a 12 year old girl is forbidden in this society which allows high levels of brutality starting at the age of consent, so long as it is consensual. I hardly see what applies to pedophilia being applied to the BDSM community. Of course, it's hard to obtain from girls your age when little girls instinctively hide behind someone whenever they see you. Whether you are "normal" or not has no bearing on whether you are involved in child abuse.
Age is just a number and I highly doubt you have to ask a girl her age before you felt any attraction to her. A 110 year old woman who looks like Adriana Lima did when she was 13 would be exceptionally valuable to pedophiles. A 5 year old girl who looks like Adriana does now would probably also have a fake ID and a father and justice system who always says it's the guy's fault and many men who have fell victim to her. If you have a hard and set age of attraction then it is not the girls that you are attracted to.
To you, all underage girls, at least the attractive ones, are the same - they are a liability. If they are more to you than objects then you will be involved more in their lives and have more opportunities to have sex with them. Most child molesters said they cared about the children. Most problems that our society faces today start when women are no longer objects to men. This matter is in your hands, 12 year old girls don't walk up to a guy's door and beg them for sex.

FSaved wrote:Romance with a 12 year old girl is forbidden in this society which allows high levels of brutality starting at the age of consent, so long as it is consensual. I hardly see what applies to pedophilia being applied to the BDSM community.

You sound bitter. Can't say I blame you for that, but I'm also not sure I understand your point bringing it up in this thread.

FSaved wrote:Of course, it's hard to obtain from girls your age when little girls instinctively hide behind someone whenever they see you.

I've never experienced little girls hiding from me. I've experienced them trying to monopolize my time and attention, and trying to drive away other people so they could have me all to themselves, but never hiding from me. What are you doing to make them react this way?

FSaved wrote:Whether you are "normal" or not has no bearing on whether you are involved in child abuse.

Except he isn't concerned about being involved in child abuse. He's concerned about feeling normal. Was this unclear to you from his post?

FSaved wrote:Age is just a number and I highly doubt you have to ask a girl her age before you felt any attraction to her. A 110 year old woman who looks like Adriana Lima did when she was 13 would be exceptionally valuable to pedophiles.

What would the value in that be? Someone who looks 13 might be of value to hebephiles, but pedophiles are attracted to prepubescents. Also, at 110, I'd imagine whatever value you're perceiving would be quite short lived indeed.

FSaved wrote:A 5 year old girl who looks like Adriana does now would probably also have a fake ID and a father and justice system who always says it's the guy's fault and many men who have fell victim to her.

Interesting that you're assuming that at age 5, she'd be actively seeking out and seducing men, and aiding her deceptions with forged legal documents. Has this been your experience with typical 5 year olds?

Regardless, I agree that it's an outrage that individuals deceived by false legal documents are held accountable for crimes they had no way of knowing they were committing, but again I have no idea why you're bringing this up here.

FSaved wrote:If you have a hard and set age of attraction then it is not the girls that you are attracted to.

Of course, most of us use the term as a shorthand because describing our preferred feature set is a cumbersome process. For many, that feature set might well include personality traits not common in adults. For others, it's a purely physical feature set. I don't see why you are even bothering with this anti style attack on our verbal shorthand as though you're saying anything meaningful.

FSaved wrote:To you, all underage girls, at least the attractive ones, are the same - they are a liability. If they are more to you than objects then you will be involved more in their lives and have more opportunities to have sex with them.

If they're more to you than objects, you're less likely to want to risk their safety than you would be if they were mere objects to you. Opportunity isn't the only thing that matters.

FSaved wrote:Most child molesters said they cared about the children.

Most child molesters are liars. Why are you listening to them as though you're going to get useful factual information from them?

FSaved wrote:Most problems that our society faces today start when women are no longer objects to men.

Well, this is sexist drivel if I've ever seen it.

FSaved wrote:This matter is in your hands, 12 year old girls don't walk up to a guy's door and beg them for sex.

And yet, you think 5 year old girls go to the trouble of getting false legal documents in order to entrap men. It's a very strange life you've led.

ElKahn wrote:ludwi, I wish I could tell her and really be there for her, but I can't. Her family wouldn't let me, for example, big problem here!

If her family doesn't know about your atraction to young girls I don't see any problem.
If you really like her just be her friend, nothing more, and help her out of that life.