I'm a pedophile with no goal.

I'm currently watching my world burn infront of me. I have /nothing/ left except for my mother and two friends.

I molested (albeit very 'mildly' if such a thing excists) my fiancé's little sister of 7. I have lost her but we still talk. I know what I have done and I know I deserve nothing good in this world ever again. I will be receiving help and treatment and I'm extremely willing!

I will get my punishment but my life doesn't end here.

Do you think I will ever be able to live a normal life on the other side of this hell-time? Will I ever be romantically loved again by anyone? I doubt it and thus have lost my fighting will to get through this.

I don't know if this is the right board, I'm new here so I apologise!

Hi ineedhope,

I've moved your topic to the Paraphilias Forum. Hopefully you can get some support here. Welcome to the forums.

Hi ineedhope,

Firstly welcome to the forum, there a lot of helpful people here with similar problems or issues so you are certainly not alone.

It is good you realise that what you did was wrong and great that you want help. I guess from your post you are fairly young yourself. It is also great that you have your mum and a couple of friends to support you as you need people who can support you in real life not just a forum, but there are people here to help as much as they can.

You say you "mildly" molested your fiancées sister obviously I don't want to ask what that involved. it is hard for people to advise. To post what you actually did may be triggering for some people so not sure whether that is a good idea to go into more detail.

Would I be right in presuming this has been reported to the authorities?

Also you need to accept that yes although you did something bad you don't deserve to never have anything good happen to you in your life. People make mistakes and do bad things and quite often people who are not inherently bad.

You need to get help to work out why you did what you did and what caused you to be like that. You have actually molested a child in your words, that is not necessarily the same thing as being a Paedophile, the two are and can be very different things. Not all Paedophiles are child molesters and vice versa.

As to whether you can live a normal life then in my opinion it depends on how badly you want to and how badly you would do anything you can to make things as right as is humanly possible. By being accountable for what you have done and accepting any punishment and trying to do the right thing in the future and making amends where possible can help to give you hope.

As for anyone being able to romantically love you again, no one can really answer that, hopefully there is someone out there for everyone, some people are able to look past a persons faults and mistakes in life.

I wish you well in sorting out your problems and hope some of what I have said is helpful in some way, but please get some pro help.

Thank you so much for your reply.

It has been reported to the authorities, but as in any country that process is deadly slow and help is something I need to find myself.

I have been in contact with 3 organizations that may be able to help me, not only with my problem as a pedophile (I'm almost certain I am one) but also handling my life burning infront of my eyes.

I'm actually kind of relieved to now being able to get ACTUAL help. I'm 22 and have had the problem since the age of 12-13.

I will be fighting with my problem with help from pro's for the rest of my life and I am super willing, for I know what I am is wrong!

I genuinly hope I can find a loved one once again and love her just as much if not more than my ex. My metaphorical psychological 'backbone' is slowly cracking and I hope and pray to every god that excists that I can take it all without becomming some kind of broken husk.

Thank you so much

Feel free to pm, i am a pedophile myself, and i know how you're feeling..I've been this way since i was,12-13 also. Im a female btw.

-- Mon Jan 20, 2014 7:43 pm --

Feel free to pm, i am a pedophile myself, and i know how you're feeling..I've been this way since i was,12-13 also. Im a female btw.

-- Mon Jan 20, 2014 7:44 pm --

Feel free to pm, i am a pedophile myself, and i know how you're feeling..I've been this way since i was,12-13 also. Im a female btw.

So did you end up serving time in prison or do you have sex offender probation?

I think a lot of the mistakes people make are out of pain and often pedophile offenders can sometimes be mis-informed of the facts or go through a period of rationalizing their behavior. However, I don't really consider them monsters even if the rest of society does.

The good news is that you're not undeserving of ever being happy again simply because of one mistake, even though it was a pretty bad one. The bad news is that anyone you get serious with, you will likely have a guilty conscience until you tell her what you've done and hope she is willing to forgive and trust you still.

You aren't Ted Bundy or Jack the Ripper. Time is usually what heals wounds and I think you may have a chance at getting to a healthy life again.

JackM678 wrote:So did you end up serving time in prison or do you have sex offender probation?
.

The OP states is has been reported to the authorities and it is a painfully slow and he needs help as help is hard to come by. So I assume he is still going through the legal process.

JackM678 wrote:So did you end up serving time in prison or do you have sex offender probation?

I think a lot of the mistakes people make are out of pain and often pedophile offenders can sometimes be mis-informed of the facts or go through a period of rationalizing their behavior. However, I don't really consider them monsters even if the rest of society does.

The good news is that you're not undeserving of ever being happy again simply because of one mistake, even though it was a pretty bad one. The bad news is that anyone you get serious with, you will likely have a guilty conscience until you tell her what you've done and hope she is willing to forgive and trust you still.

You aren't Ted Bundy or Jack the Ripper. Time is usually what heals wounds and I think you may have a chance at getting to a healthy life again.

Thank you for the nice words. It means alot to me! I have a guilty conscience with the cashier at the local market, so I'm sure I will have that to deal with in the future, should I find someone to love that broken husk I might become. Luckily I have a silver toungue and well developed communication skills, so I can break it to them in a manner that will get the past tense of situations across. "I WAS a pedophile".

I don't know if I will get jail time or a judgement focussed on treatment, I think jailtime sadly. It's under work by the police in this time, but what I've done was so 'mild' and I am genuinely remorseful of what I've done and cooperative so they judged that I could go free until my trial and judgement. They need to go through computers etc. so we're talking months.

Don't know where you are ineedhope but I'm in the UK it took over 8 months here to get forensics back on my computers and that was after I told them what was on it and where.

I could have shown them in 2 minutes what there was and where, but they will find anything even if you didn't know it was there. They found five files on a computer I did not even think there would be anything on.

They will search your internet history and anything they can including email addresses and dig up anything they can so please be prepared and honest if questioned as I'm sure honesty is the best policy in the long run.

But again best of luck and I'm sure you will get back to normal one day if you want it badly enough.

airwolffan wrote:Don't know where you are ineedhope but I'm in the UK it took over 8 months here to get forensics back on my computers and that was after I told them what was on it and where.

I could have shown them in 2 minutes what there was and where, but they will find anything even if you didn't know it was there. They found five files on a computer I did not even think there would be anything on.

They will search your internet history and anything they can including email addresses and dig up anything they can so please be prepared and honest if questioned as I'm sure honesty is the best policy in the long run.

But again best of luck and I'm sure you will get back to normal one day if you want it badly enough.

Wow! 8 months?! That's more than I expected...

I know they will find EVERYTHING and I'm very open about it. I've made clear that there I may not know the full extent of my relatively tiny 'storage' due to me having some old computers that I haven't used for a while, and they appreciate the cooperativeness.

What I feel more 'worried' about is actually not what they will find, but the sense of privacy being disregarded. I know they're doing what they have to do, but as of now the feeling I find the hardest is actually that part with the privacy.

I had no large storage, not many files, didn't share anything anywhere and have never had contact to any other people with my problem before I joined this forum, which I'm glad I did.

honesty is the way to go and I have aided in expanding the police's knowledge about the deep web (TOR) and other places that, in my opinion, should be closed down asap.

I can understand that you are in a similar situation as I? Did you experience the entire "world is burning" sensation? And if so, any tips on how to cope on a daily basis?

Thank you for understanding man.