Very Strange, Complicated Sexual Obsession

Let me preface this by telling you first, that I am a 20 year old male. I Identify as straight and am sexually and romantically attracted to women. I also have an extreme obsession with the idea of receiving anal sex from an older man. It dominates my sex life, and it makes having sex with my girlfriend very difficult, and she thinks that I am not attracted to her. I don't know why I have this fantasy, but I have thought a lot about this and remember a few key memories in my sexual development. When I was younger (say 11-12 years old) I would sneak into my mothers room when she was out and dress up in her underwear and lingerie. I would also experiment with her tampons by trying to "use" them. This progressed as I got older and by the time I was 13-14 years old, I had found my own mother's sex toys and used them to pleasure myself. On top of that, I also found sexually explicit pictures and videos of my parents having sex. Normal sex, but nonetheless I found myself coming back every time I was home alone.I grew out of that phase but around 15-16 years old and up till now, I have had an unhealthy preference for "Shemale" Porn, specifically fantasizing about myself as the transgender person and only on the "receiving" end. Around the age of 18, I also began to fantasize about having anal sex with an older man. I would put craigslist ads out looking for people, and I ashamedly did actually work up the nerve to do it once. I didn't really enjoy it yet I still fantasize about sex with an older man.
I have been haunted by this for a while now and am trying to figure out where this came from and how I can overcome it. I would love to pinpoint what exactly caused my obsession. Thanks in advance.

bobby60934 wrote:Let me preface this by telling you first, that I am a 20 year old male. I Identify as straight and am sexually and romantically attracted to women. I also have an extreme obsession with the idea of receiving anal sex from an older man. It dominates my sex life, and it makes having sex with my girlfriend very difficult, and she thinks that I am not attracted to her. I don't know why I have this fantasy, but I have thought a lot about this and remember a few key memories in my sexual development. When I was younger (say 11-12 years old) I would sneak into my mothers room when she was out and dress up in her underwear and lingerie. I would also experiment with her tampons by trying to "use" them. This progressed as I got older and by the time I was 13-14 years old, I had found my own mother's sex toys and used them to pleasure myself. On top of that, I also found sexually explicit pictures and videos of my parents having sex. Normal sex, but nonetheless I found myself coming back every time I was home alone.I grew out of that phase but around 15-16 years old and up till now, I have had an unhealthy preference for "Shemale" Porn, specifically fantasizing about myself as the transgender person and only on the "receiving" end. Around the age of 18, I also began to fantasize about having anal sex with an older man. I would put craigslist ads out looking for people, and I ashamedly did actually work up the nerve to do it once. I didn't really enjoy it yet I still fantasize about sex with an older man.
I have been haunted by this for a while now and am trying to figure out where this came from and how I can overcome it. I would love to pinpoint what exactly caused my obsession. Thanks in advance.

There are two possible conclusions to what you've written. 1) The Transgender community would wonder if you've felt like a female trapped in a male body and they would say that for you to wear women's clothes and to desire being the submissive partner in sex with men you were merely expressing your inner straight girl. 2) You have intense homosexual tendencies that you've been too embarrassed to admit. The desire to receive anal sex from an older man is symbolic of you wanting to be sexually dominated by a man, that he's older suggests you want to feel like the young submissive.

You don't have to tell anyone in public that you have gay tendencies but it is okay to stop denying it to yourself. I know that studies claim crossdressers are mostly straight but when I started wearing my mother's slips and half-slips it didn't take me more than a week before I was already fantasizing about being sexually used by handsome men.

When you ask what caused you to be this way I think that some men are just more vulnerable to being aroused by gay pleasures.

Everyone has an anus. People into anal sex in a straight sense inevitably wonder what it feels like and experiment. Whether their female partner uses her finger, a dildo, or other object for penetration anything done between a man and woman is heterosexuality. Worrying that being male and enjoying anal penetration and stimulation means you're gay/bi is simply media paranoia having its way with you. It's no more gay than enjoying receiving fellatio from your female partner would be.

My suggestion is buy a dildo specially made for anal penetration (usually thinner n softer with a flared end to prevent full insertion accidents) and try things out. If you find you enjoy it can ask your female partner top use it on you or get into strap-on type things. As a bisexual man it's not exactly the same, but even with female partners I've always consdered it just be fair. I enjoy anal sex with guys n gals both, but with females have no objection to her doing me if she lets me do her - it's only fair

Thank you Kevin. When I think about it like that (accepting my fantasies), I felt an overwhelming sense of content as well as an uncontrollable arousal. Yesterday the more I thought about it the more I couldn't stop myself from masturbating. I think I really am confused

-- Tue Nov 19, 2013 8:38 am --

Thank you Kevin. When I think about it like that (accepting my fantasies), I felt an overwhelming sense of content as well as an uncontrollable arousal. Yesterday the more I thought about it the more I couldn't stop myself from masturbating. I think I really am confused