i feel so disgusting and guilty

hey
im a teenage male paedophile, and i just feel so disgusting

i keep asking myself; why am i attracted to 7 year old girls sexually, every time i see a young girl that i find beautiful, i feel like my eyes are glued to her

im more attracted to them than 99% of the female adult population,
i just find them so cute and innocent, and the thought of me doing anything to them, just makes me feel guilty

ive known i was a paedophile since i was just turning 13,
can anyone help me here?

thanks
Frankie

I have a strong fondness for the young ones myself. When I pass a little girl in public, I look at her in adoration. I feel more romantically attracted than sexually, but certainly there are times when I look at them with lustful eyes.

It helps to acknowledge that even though you FEEL guilt about your interest in kiddos, there is nothing guilty about it. Not easy to do, I understand. But as long as you stay within the bounds of morality (don't ever engage a child in sexual activity), then you are a good person deserving of respect. I admire your strength to get this far without hurting a child. I am pretty young myself, but I know of a few 40+ year old pedophiles who have lived their lives without ever abusing a kid or comitting other such crimes. So it IS possible to be a pedophile and live a guilt-free life. Don't feel like you are destined to become the sick and twisted child predator you hear about every day on the news.

Given that you call yourself a teenager, you might yet find that your interest in kids diminishes as you get older. That happens for a lot of people. But even if this is something you have to deal with for your whole life, just know that it doesn't always feel so bad. Once you get past the initial wave of shock, fear, and guilt, your interest in little girls won't be such a crisis. The fact that you came to this website to ask for help instead is a good start. Finding a group of people who are coping with the same interest in children, who you can talk openly to, will certainly make you feel a little better.

That's all I have time to say for now, but i'll be back later to read the other replies and add anything else I think is important.

Hi Frankie.
I cant think of anything to say that SpecialCuteHugs hasn't already said. So just listen to him.
You have no reason to feel guilty.
If you haven't acted on your urges then you should be proud of yourself.

hey
thank you both for your responses, they were great,
i just feel like im a one in a million person, in a bad way.

you said that as i get older my attraction should diminish, but right now im getting more attracted to little girls than any adult women,
girls are becoming more beautiful and women are becoming less attractive

im really embarrassed here, but i have been trusted to look after some kids a few times and i have come "really" close to doing something sexual to them, even though i know for a fact one of them has a serious crush on me, i have not touched them
they are both 7 year old girls, i should feel better about myself that i didn't do anything bad to them

thanks for both of your replies, they have definitely made me feel less disgusted with myself
thanks

You're not a pedophile simply for noticing the attractiveness of children. Most agree children are particularly comely and beautiful, doesn't mean most are pedophiles. Even sexual fantasies don't mean anything. One of my exes had a fantasy involving bottlenose dolphins, doesn't mean she's...Whatever that'd be.

Fantasies are normal and healthy, even ones like your's. The key is realizing everything you're feeling is because of you yourself and not because a child's thinking the same things. So you need to keep fantasies in your imagination where some of them belong.

Teens are in flux. So they shouldn't conform their identities to adult standards because everything they are can change overnight. There's a marked rush in our society to attach a label to every little thing, but not everything with a label needs to be isolated, defined, and identified with. Especially when going through puberty as teens are your mind and body are all over the place. Until you've settled in your late 20s or so, what feels for all the world true today, probably wont tomorrow.

Frankie123 wrote:hey
thank you both for your responses, they were great,
i just feel like im a one in a million person, in a bad way.

you said that as i get older my attraction should diminish, but right now im getting more attracted to little girls than any adult women,
girls are becoming more beautiful and women are becoming less attractive

im really embarrassed here, but i have been trusted to look after some kids a few times and i have come "really" close to doing something sexual to them, even though i know for a fact one of them has a serious crush on me, i have not touched them
they are both 7 year old girls, i should feel better about myself that i didn't do anything bad to them

thanks for both of your replies, they have definitely made me feel less disgusted with myself
thanks

That's great that you were able to control your urges, but I think you should find an outlet, before you "slip". I know exactly how you feel. Im a female pedophile btw, but more attracted to boys.

Frankie123 wrote:hey
thank you both for your responses, they were great,
i just feel like im a one in a million person, in a bad way.

you said that as i get older my attraction should diminish, but right now im getting more attracted to little girls than any adult women,
girls are becoming more beautiful and women are becoming less attractive

im really embarrassed here, but i have been trusted to look after some kids a few times and i have come "really" close to doing something sexual to them, even though i know for a fact one of them has a serious crush on me, i have not touched them
they are both 7 year old girls, i should feel better about myself that i didn't do anything bad to them

thanks for both of your replies, they have definitely made me feel less disgusted with myself
thanks

We are a rare breed indeed, but I would bet that more than one person in a million loves children the way we do.

I didn't say that your attraction "should" go away, just that it can. But there is no guarantee; we can't predict the future. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is starting living life as though are going to be a pedophile until the end. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. You are a teenager, so your brain is going through a period of pruning back neural connections, keeping only what seems the most important, the strongest habits you have, the neural networks that take up the strongest presence in your mind. So if you spend a lot of time thinking about the abuse of children in a sexually gratifying way, then those thoughts will be much more difficult to squash out as a fully grown adult. Not impossible, but harder. You need to replace those toxic thoughts with healthier ones.

I think it would be wise if you avoid being alone with those girls you mentioned, unless you are absolutely certain you aren't a danger to them. If you are ever asked to babysit them again, maybe you ought to think of an excuse as for why you can't. It might hurt, but it is the right thing to do. A child's personal well being takes priority over an adult's sexual interest. Always. Those girls shouldn't be left alone with somebody who is struggling not to abuse them. Especially if one of them really does have a crush on you. That is a very dangerous situation. Don't take her affection to mean that it's okay to interact with her sexually. It is never okay to use a 7 year old girl for a sexual purpose, even in the rare case that they want to. No exceptions. If she likes you, just let her like you and don't ever make anything more of it. If you can't control yourself, stay away from her. What would you do if that girl started getting a little too close for comfort? If your answer is anything except "get the hell away and explain that isn't okay to act like that", then you shouldn't be around those girls until you've improved your self-control.

I'm not insulting you here, but I think this impulse to act on your urges and the stress and disappointment you feel when you resist, can be greatly reduced if you learn to become less self-centered. My apologies if I'm wrong, but you likely think a lot about how "I want" to touch a child, "I find" children attractive, these girls would "satisfy Me". How often do you think about what's best for the children? Again, I'm not making accusations about your character. It's totally understandable that you would be so focused on yourself when you're dealing with all these crazy urges that you don't know what to do with. I was the same way, and I'm sure most pedophiles would say the same thing. But you must really take it to heart that sexual interaction with children is a harmful and selfish act, and the safety of children is more important than any feeling you may be having.

What works for me is learning to elevate a child's needs and happiness above my own. Now I like to see children safe and secure. I like to see them smile. I like it when they play with their friends. I like knowing that a child has a wonderful life ahead of them full of potential. That is enough for me; I require nothing more from the real world. I fantasize a lot about hugging and cuddling and kissing a young girl in ways that would never be acceptable in real life, and the occasional sex fantasy I do enjoy, but I am willing to keep these fantasies inside my head. It's a safe outlet that lets me explore my desires just enough to keep me sane. Yes, I would still really enjoy it if I could have sex and romance with a real child, but that would hurt them and my love for children prevents me from hurting them. When I see attractive little girls playing around at a park or a splashpad, giggling and having the time of their lives, I just want them to keep doing it and pay no attention to me. The thought of intruding on their happy paradise for my own sexual gain makes me feel like the monster that many children believe lurk inside their closets. (I'd rather be a fairy princess, not a monster)

I guess what I'm saying is: Learn to love and respect children, and learn when you need to take a step back and remove yourself from a bad situation. Learn all this while your brain is still super receptive to new ideas, and your life adult life will be soooo much easier.

A man who loves a child does not lay a hurtful hand on one.

hey

thanks for this reply, it is really great

i hope it goes away, really soon, i hate being a paedophile

im not sure that im a danger to them,
the urges can get very strong, but i haven't acted on them sexually, thankfully

if the little girl was too close for comfort, i would get up and change the subject, and if she persisted i would tell her the truth

. Yes, I would still really enjoy it if I could have sex and romance with a real child, but that would hurt them and my love for children prevents me from hurting them. When I see attractive little girls playing around at a park or a splashpad, giggling and having the time of their lives, I just want them to keep doing it and pay no attention to me. The thought of intruding on their happy paradise for my own sexual gain makes me feel like the monster that many children believe lurk inside their closets. (I'd rather be a fairy princess, not a monster)

i love children very much, and i feel the same with what you say about kids,

when the urges get too strong, when im around kids, do you know what i can do, i usually leave the room, and just wait, but when i cant leave them, and if the urge gets too strong,
what do i do then?