Allow me to tell you my story

I'm glad that you're seeing a psychologist and hope that you get the help that you need. I hope that in your sessions you develop the skills needed to feel in control of and free of the hurt of your pedophilic urges.

I also hope that, in developing these skills, you can finally feel strong enough to see your partner as a person and not a human wall standing between you and a federal prison:

Time.Bomb wrote:@wellhellothere: I here you. And I do understand why you want me to. I've also considered doing so just because it's not fair to her.
But what will happen to me then? Where will I end up being alone? I cannot live together with anyone because I will never feel the real love for an adult person. But on the other side, if I start a live all by myself, I just know that I will only have a harder time being a pedophile. I will go further in trying to have contact with boys, and I don't want that. I can say that will try not to, and I will honestly do try not to, but I just fear that I won't succeed.

And you know, in a way I do actually love the woman I live together with. Only it's not in a way that another man would love her. I see her more like a very good friend "with benefits". She really is my help and support in life. I tell her lots of things, like she's actually the only person in the world who knows that I don't "only love woman" (Being it the way I told her). Okay it's still a lie, but it's the most I've ever told anyone in my life, and it's the most I will ever tell anyone.

My point is that it is unfair to her and she should not be made responsible for what happens to you next. That is your responsibility. "In a way" isn't enough. She deserves more than to be your "very good friend "with benefits"". It will be hard for you, yes, and you won't enjoy it but if you have any feelings for her at all you won't let her put her weight behind a relationship that you're clearly faking. Honestly in this case her needs overtake yours -- it's on your head to a) treat the people in your life with respect and b) not molest young boys. You talk about her like a person-shaped crutch, supporting you and keeping you together, but she deserves so much more than you have to offer. Break up with this woman.

Hello to everyone again.

It's been almost six months since I posted on here, but still want to keep you guys posted as promised. (Actually I also just feel the need to write it down....)

So what you guys have been telling me, to break up, have always been crossing my mind. It's not easy to do tho, we bought a house together and stuff like that....
But I did it! Over s month ago now I told her I don't want to continue the relationship. She's got a lot of questions now, cause she really didn't see this coming, she even went and talked with my mother about this... But we did break up. The house is for sale now, she's back to her dad, and I searched an apartment and found one. I'm moving there in August as it will only be available by then, but I got it!

But I feel so alone now... When I come home, there's no one to tell my story to. No one to evaluate my day with. No one to tell about the morons that called me today... It makes me feel very alone, and I think that's been the cause for me to feel like not doing anything in the household anymore. I don't cook regularly anymore, I don't iron, I don't clean the house anymore, I don't do anything anymore.
Which sucks because I see all this work heaping up, which gives me even more stress because I still have to do it all, and I hateloll looking at it! But because I feel so bad about it being all there, I don't feel like starting it again..... I feel like I'm in a bad cycle here...

Hi, I'm new here so I wasn't around when you were posting a few months ago, but having read through it I sincerely believe you've done the right thing. And yes, I know it wasn't easy, and wasn't expecting it to be. Perhaps if you're lucky, you will be able to maintain a friendship with her (which I do believe you sincerely felt), but I wouldn't hope too much for that.

I would certainly suggest to continue seeing your therapist, as it can be good just to have someone to unload on.

I'm not sure what else to say that will truly help. I can say that you're not the only one on this board whose dealt with trials, and you'll find numerous examples here of people who have emerged with newfound respect for themselves and for others. Our critical times are often those that best help us to grow. And, something that always helps me if you're up for it: try writing. It can be an amazing release and you can still keep yourself at arm's length if you choose.

Best of luck.