In another life...

...I'd 'rescue' EH, a dessicated mummy from a local church, and run away with her to some uninhabited island in the Outer Hebrides with an old cottage... and just live off the land for the rest of my days.

I love this fantasy. I really could do it.

I would be absolutely fine gathering food from the wild, and living with no electricity or internet. I'd feel free. I'm not free in this existence. It's an open prison that I'm not confident enough to step out of.

I don't give a toss about money, social status, or any of the stupid things that most people spend their lives futilely chasing after. You know what? I would be really happy on a Hebridean island, just me, EH, and my dog, never having to deal with society and other people ever again.

In another life...

It does sound idyllic to live on such a fantasy island, I myself often think I could leave all the trappings of modern life and do the same given the chance.

But..................................... running away from my problems has never helped me, only lately am I learning to deal with them head on, it hurts and it's not a nice road but hopefully I will turn a big corner in my life and things will get much better.

I hope the same will be true for you buddy, I feel like I have really got to know you and I know our problems differ a lot but we are both on a road to rediscover ourselves, please please find yourself and your place in life, we all have a place.

I really do wonder know why I looked at the things I did, as I don't think I ever really got excited until I started using it as something to masturbate too. I can't really think of occasions where I saw a child and actually felt turned on or excited, maybe I am wrong but I still don't know the answer, but I just have real problems opening up in real life and talking to people about this. I'm trying to get past this struggle with talking openly about things but it is hard.

I think that being so sexually starved for most of life has made my paraphillia much worse, had I had more sexual experiences or had romances with anyone male or female I think things would have been very different.

You do need to keep your chin up and you will get through this I am certain of that.

Hi, Airwolf!

Finding my place in life is probably my oldest problem. I actually get on very well with the majority of people, but I've never felt like I belonged, if that makes sense. Wherever I've been in life, I've always felt I should be somewhere else.

I love the community I live in now. There's the usual two-facedness and silly stuff that goes on amongst people, but in general they've been good to me, even though I've been the subject of much gossip since drunkenly confessing my paraphilia. It's not quite 'home' though, and it's making me tired. I don't know where 'home' is, but I want to find it so I can relax and breathe, if that makes sense.

As for relationships, I really have lost all faith in living women. All I seem to achieve is to make an arse of myself time and time again. This is not the reason why I'm attracted to dead women, but EH wouldn't play manipulative mind games or obsess over some abusive prick of an ex. Nor would we have to sneak around because she's married to someone she hates, but won't leave for security reasons.

I really am a dunce!

The Hebridean island idea is a nice day dream!

I assume this is talking about the next life.

In the next life I will be in Heaven. I will have the body of a female child that will not grow up, I will be wearing the robe of righteousness and learn more about God in a way I can actually understand. I may have to learn about God in Bible school with kids but that's okay. I feel that is where my level of understanding is at.

Since I don't give anyone a free pass I'll say it, if anyone else kept a mummy lying around and wasn't a museum they'd be locked up, but if a church does it, it's a holy relic.

As someone fond of the using the computer to vent and chat, believe me, being disconnected and on a deserted island would have you go batpoop crazy in days. I've done the 'find myself' walkabout thing and you go nuts quick Spent a summer 'street camping' in Santa Cruz California. Lived up north and one day just chucked it all, packed up some camping gear and said cya. In hindsight it was a great experience, but at the time it was less than stellar. Biggest struggle being finding private places to go potty and sleep safely. Bathed in a stream, slept in a derelict Datsun B210, and eventually linked up with some like myself. They were homeless but I wasn't. I had one, I just wasn't there. Learned a lot about myself, but unlike Bruce Wayne in "Batman Begins" I didn't discover when hungry I could steal. I thought about it and gamed it out in my head like but couldn't bring myself to do it. I just got emergency food stamps instead.

Seperating ourselves from society can be a useful self-discovery tool. I actually suggest everyone does it at some point. If nothing else it teaches you to feel compassion for the less fortunate once you can better relate.

Arik, I was thinking along the lines of a parallel universe, rather than the next life. You know the Multiverse Theory, where time is constantly branching off in different directions, creating different dimensions and alternate realities?

In one of those universes, I'm living blissfully on that Hebridean island right now. In another, I'm still with my daughter's mother, living in absolute misery.

Captain, I see what you're saying, but believe me, I'd adapt very well to living on a deserted island. I'm already bonkers, and that only stands to get better if I put myself out of the reach of people.

Seriously, you're probably right. I reckon I could last a good few years though, and if/when I did come back to civilisation, I'd be a lot saner for being away for a while.

Maybe when I'm done with this life I'll be green-lit for a much better one. But I'm also very okay with just phasing out of existence when I die.

I refuse to worship a god because if said being does exist I refuse to be enslaved by it as it is another intelligent life-form and as far as I'm concerned, enslavement isn't right, so...

Graveyard76 wrote:Hi, Airwolf!

Finding my place in life is probably my oldest problem. I actually get on very well with the majority of people, but I've never felt like I belonged, if that makes sense. Wherever I've been in life, I've always felt I should be somewhere else.

I love the community I live in now. There's the usual two-facedness and silly stuff that goes on amongst people, but in general they've been good to me, even though I've been the subject of much gossip since drunkenly confessing my paraphilia. It's not quite 'home' though, and it's making me tired. I don't know where 'home' is, but I want to find it so I can relax and breathe, if that makes sense.

As for relationships, I really have lost all faith in living women. All I seem to achieve is to make an arse of myself time and time again. This is not the reason why I'm attracted to dead women, but EH wouldn't play manipulative mind games or obsess over some abusive prick of an ex. Nor would we have to sneak around because she's married to someone she hates, but won't leave for security reasons.

I really am a dunce!

The Hebridean island idea is a nice day dream!

Oh believe me I know exactly what you mean about finding somewhere you belong, that is exactly the same way I feel, I just want to feel I belong somewhere too, I have other issues with friendships, I can get on with new people but soon struggle to keep the friendship meaningful.

Maybe I'm cynical, Airwolf, but I think most relationships are pretty meaningless, and that most people can count on one hand the amount of true friends they'll make in their lifetime. Most friendships have their ups and downs, and fallouts along the way, even the best ones.

What I've found is that an awful lot of people exist in their own tiny worlds, and have no empathy whatsoever. You can do them a good turn when they're down on their luck, but when the chips are down for you they won't want to know.

Graveyard76 wrote:Maybe I'm cynical, Airwolf, but I think most relationships are pretty meaningless, and that most people can count on one hand the amount of true friends they'll make in their lifetime. Most friendships have their ups and downs, and fallouts along the way, even the best ones.

What I've found is that an awful lot of people exist in their own tiny worlds, and have no empathy whatsoever. You can do them a good turn when they're down on their luck, but when the chips are down for you they won't want to know.

Totally agree dude, but there are people who you can find who truly are your best friend and can be there for you when you really need them and look past your issues, i found one such person and she is the best thing that ever happened to me.