appreciate an opinion

Hi, I'm a heterosexual woman of 39, for about six months I been in a relationship with a man of 40 years , we've known each other for long time ago as we have many friends in common. When we started our relation I realized he did not maintain an erection while in bed, the told me about this just commenting he had very little experience with women , and that he is very shy and sex gives him a sense of shame and fear.
A few months ago he talked to me about his foot fetish and heels , he also told me of his desire to submission , we started playing with feet, he bought me some nice heels , but except some timid erections it did not work , instead of pleasure he felt shame and anxious.
My boyfriend lives with a group of friends, we have a lifestyle a bit hippie, there are two couples, one of them has a 2 year old girl and the other a newborn child.
He is extremely fond of the girl , loves to watch TV with her, tickle her in the chest , hitting softly and tickle her in the butt and loves to pick her up . One day playing the girl asked him to lie on the floor , she was without clothes and he lifted and sat her on his chest while he was lying on the floor, at the time I felt something in my gut , and at that moment the girl's father entered the room and said: what are you doing? I dont know what my boyfriend said because I had lefted the room minutes before but I notice he wasent nervious and feel ok after.
Since then I started thinking that maybe he could feel attracted to girls and observe his behavior.
I notice several things , he made ​​a comment about how sexy she was the niece of a friend of 12 years , commented how fast his niece chest is growing and sometimes jokingly told me what is the age limit so he can like a girl.
One of the things that alert me the most was while camping in the summer vacation: our neighbors had a nice female dog , he was asleep, the dog was moaning and I could notice that with my leg he was getting aroused with the sounds , few minutes after he woke up and I started to talk about my concerns about his sexuality, while we where having this conversation the dog again turned to moan and I could tell he had an erection as the rhythm of the groans, he did not realize or acted as if he had realized , at that moment I thought he has multiple paraphilias including bestiality.
We have discussed this on several occasions , we both are in love , he insists he does not attract children , likes to play with them , and protect their innocence but never had sexual thoughts towards them , same with animals.
He insists that we talk about my concerns , does not want me to have such doubts and wants to go to therapy to overcome his erection problem . I have noticed that sometimes when we talk about the issue he falls a bit blocked , he says is it for his timidity but for me it is strange, at other times we talk openly about it .
Lately our sex has improved and he can maintain erections for longer, we masturbate each other but he can only reach orgasm touching him self, a few days ago we had sex in the bathroom and he was very excited touching me while I pee, was nice but I think this is a kind of pleasure associated with children, what do you think about this?
Today I've relaxed a bit with the subject but it is true that I dont feel like going to to his place where the child lives , I fear that I can see behaviors that only me can feel inadequate, true our friends do not know anything about his private life , the mother of the girl on one occasion said he was concerned that the girl living in community could develop a non clearly father figure.
I wonder several things , first can a person not recognize herself that he is pedophile ? because I feel that he is honest with me.
Reading this forum I 've come to the reality of pedophilia , society has a warped idea about this, I imagine that for the person who is pedophile has to be difficult, my intention is not to judge but to love boyfriend but I cant have a partner who is attracted to girls.
I would greatly appreciate an opinion.

My opinion?

He has serious abnormal sexual attractions, including pedophilia- which is probably the primary concern.

Could I be wrong? I doubt it. He would have to be pretty bloody naive to behave the way he did around the 2 year old and not realize how it really looks bad.

I mean just the tickling her on the bottom is highly suspicious- highly inappropriate. Some people find tickling itself attractive, and i have definitely noticed this among people who are into "foot fetishes" and "submission".

Picking up a naked 2 year old, and putting her on him like that- that is the icing on the cake if you ask me, especially given you mentioned he has fantasies related to submission.

He would have to be really quiet bloody stupid, I mean no-one with common sense would do that.

He was acting submissively, she was naked, he was doing it because it turned him on.

When you combine this with the fact that he is obviously giving the girl significant amounts of attention to be refereed to as acting just about like a father figure, well I have no doubt that he is sexually attracted to the 2 year old.

Most pedophiles are attracted to older children, it is sort of more extreme to be attracted to a 2 year old.

Almost certainly significantly more things will have happened that you will be not aware. No way I would allow this guy near my kids, sorry. While his attraction does not absolutely predict he will do something extremely and blatantly sexual with the girl, you can be certain he has done other things with the girl to turn himself on.

As for the dog thing, its hard to accept your evidence as conclusive, but sounds like yet another alarm bell of warning going off.

Also from your description, I think he has some sort of problem facing his own sexuality, so he may be on one hand behaving to gratify himself for example with the 2 year old, and on the other, in a sort of state of denial.

In regards to the women not realizing he is a pedophile, yes some women are stupid with such things. She may not want to accept it.

It concerns me a bit, that you are mostly concerned about him making you feel inadequate, rather than worrying about the potential welfare of the child. I mean it is just not right that he is getting sexual gratification from a child. I mean maybe next he will suck her toes and masturbate himself? Maybe even intercourse or "feeling her up".

Also the fact that you said he was not getting erections with you much, even if this has improved. Big hint.

You don't seem to want to face the reality, that is why you won't go around to the house.

Your boyfriend is a pedophile, you even have other comments from him about that young niece girl. He is not just a pedophile but as you said has various (when taken in combination with all the information ) weird attractions such as submission, feet, heels, and quiet possibly animals.

Pedophile and general sexual weirdo.

If you really want more information, you need to force yourself to spend some significant time around at that house, and act like you have no suspicious or his guard will be up. But since you have told him your thoughts, he will surely not doing anything blatant when you are around.

I mean if you see the reality of the situation for what it is, I can't personally see how you would even consider staying with this guy, and I would have a talk to the mother of the child, although she may still not want to believe it even after you talk to her.

That child should NOT be around him. He should not be around children.