Hebephilia and Hypersexuality

Hello, I came here because I am very sexually frustated.

Let me start off with a few pertinent facts. I am diagnosed with bipolar type 2, ADD and depersonalization disorder, and possibly have schizotypal traits. I know I was molested with my cousin by two older boys and believe I was also molested by my uncle. I am a bisexual male (age 20) and have a few fetishes (crossdressing, bdsm, hebephilia, a general anal fetish, and I like watching bestiality but not doing it myself). When I was little I would refuse to go number two with any clothes on and refused to wipe myself up until I was in kindergarten for a while. I wet the bed til I was 8 and refused to sleep by myself until then also, which is when I was taken to a psychotherapist for violent thoughts and bizzare sexual thoughts. I also comitted incest with the male cousin I was molested with from the 6th to the 8th grade.

Now, I am 20 and very sexually frustrated. I have no idea how to find a girlfriend or boyfriend (especially since I'm in the rural South), and I masturbate 3-5 times a day, with no mental relief. Yesterday, I saw my friend and his wife, and she turned me on so bad, and all I could think about was her and her little sister (she's 12). She told me her sister is coming back for Christmas and I just don't know how I am going to control myself (it's wrong but consensual, I am not molesting her). I visit prostitutes monthly, think about sex about 80-90% of the day and look at porn on my iPhone whenever I get bored. I don't even enjoy porn or masturbating that much anymore, it's just habit now. All of this leaves me very depressed, anxious and confused.

I am especially worried about what I may end up doing with the little sister, I am terrified of any of her family or my friends finding out if we had sex or even kissed, but I want to do something with her so bad. All day today I have been checking out girls her age in public and on the internet (not CP, just sexy pics). And her and I have already done stuff over the phone.

I do not know what to do at all. Any advice?

She told me her sister is coming back for Christmas and I just don't know how I am going to control myself (it's wrong but consensual, I am not molesting her).

You have had sex with this 12 year old girl? Or sexual experiences with her?

"I am especially worried about what I may end up doing with the little sister, I am terrified of any of her family or my friends finding out if we had sex or even kissed, but I want to do something with her so bad."

You do not think having sex with her is wrong but are worried about being found out?

An adults having sex with a 12 year is a sex crime. Society regards people that participate in such behavior as sex offenders.

It is absolutely critical you keep completely away from girl and get immediate help. You also risk a lengthy prison term if you are discovered in this behavior, which is absolutely wrong.

Also receiving or sending naked or sexually explicit pictures with a minor is illegal.

It is possible that you are suffering from some degree of mania and this is related to your behaviour and extreme sexual drive. Also if you are on psychostimulants for ADHD, this may be aggravating your bipolar and increasing your sex drive. It is also possible you suffer from some sort of sexual addiction.

Please get immediate help and stay completely away from underage girls.

I have not done anything physical with her, yet! And I don't want to end up doing it. I think (at least for the most part) that it's wrong. However, we have texted about these things, and that made the desire much worse. I am seeing a therapist, but it doesn't seem to help with these urges. I have been kind of manic lately, too much Red Bull and nicotine and I have started back on my antidepressant, Wellbutrin (but I am also taking my mood stabilizer, Depakote).

I don't want to avoid my friends, and these are literally the only ones I have. However, if I'm visiting when she's around, I know what I'll end up doing.

F**ck me, I don't know what to do about my sexuality.

I am your age and have the same problem and even the age of the girls is the same....my advice would be avoid any contact with her because when the urges are so strong it's so hard to resist and you'll end up going literally crazy. Second, it is morally wrong to even just talk sexually with a girl that age - they are not able to understand certain things and are not mature at all. And what if someone finds out or what if she says it to someone?? You'd get in extreme trouble. If you talk about innocent things it is not wrong because you're doing no harm to the child.....but talking about sex to a 12 year old girl?? Think about it....
I suggest to never meet the girl alone. Never. It would be too hard to resist.

Feel free to send me a PM.