Little bit of background on this I have a WAM fetish, and it's NOT exclusive. I love
seeing adult women pour messy stuff into their pants like this (old TV show clip, not explicit/nor a minor):https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V0kQPNhfxQ
I'd say I've been into this since I myself was about 12 or 13. Unfortunately it's quite rare, so content was skim over years but then by the time I was 15-16, YouTube debuted and tons of teenage girls were pouring stuff into their trousers for dares. I'd dare, watch and save to HD, repeat. I reached 18 and vowed to stop daring, which I did. I even cleared my HD of whatever I had saved.
But no more active daring didn't stop me from watching the results from others daring. I remember at 19 I was intensely turned by a video of a girl around 15 pouring a bunch of baked beans into her pants.
I knew this was wrong, sick, but the results were too "perfect." Stuff I wish I could find adult women doing, that were nowhere in sight (even the monthly pay sites aren't a big fan of this niche, as producers rarely ever do it as it means poor sales compared to the nude stuff)I had another "holy grail" find with it came to three girls (one looked about 13, the other two 16) loading the back of their pants full of stuff. I remember a highlight for me being one of the 16 year old ones had light colored trousers on that went transparent and you could see her underwear. With me being around 20 I felt like this was starting to make me a bit of a pedo/ephebophile. I knew what I was doing was horrifically wrong and I had nightmares about being lumped in with people on "To Catch a Predator," so I purged my hard drive again.
Fast forward to 23, and though it's become better controlled through self-affirmations the attraction is still there. I've just had ANOTHER big find today and I'm finding it incredibly hard to not save. It's a girl who doesn't look anymore than 13-14 loading the back of her panties (jeans on still, albeit quite low) with ketchup, yogurt, syrup, etc. It really sucks cause the content is so "perfect" that I can't help but watch it no matter the age. As I've gotten older I feel like I'm totally inching myself towards jail-time/ruining my life. I've discovered the definition of CP is broader than I thought, and it seems that these videos fall might also fall under the category (if anyone's curious of the result I speak of, search in YT, "crap in my pants #2" the thumbnail alone should sum up why it makes me feel plenty guilty). By now I've encrypted two hard drives with similar content-and still have anything I haven't accessed in awhile saved on my older hard drives or backed up to CDs. In a perfect world I'd like to easily purge everything I have on every hard drive but it seems no matter what I try, I can't get myself to let go of it. As long as teen girls keep filling this content niche I'll keep curiously watching.
So I'd like to get therapy as I'm a very bright, talented, and admired person with a big future and opportunities ahead of them-but currently live in conditions where it's pretty impossible for me to, let alone anonymously and of my own accord. I also can't afford it. The way these videos are still turning me on sickens me. I hate this dark side of myself. I'm thankful it's not exclusive to minors but, gah I wish 18 were my age limit (and that there was more adult content). For the record this is the only thing with minors that turns me on, and I'd NEVER try to get one to do something like this in person. I've also worked with kids/teens before and been perfectly fine with no urges, thoughts, or attraction. Aside from these minor finds I'm constantly masturbating to the adult women I already have, and always exclusively imagine adult women in all of my fantasies. I don't understand myself and why this sick side-effect exists. I've pushed the self-help as far as I can it feels.
Any help?
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