*MAY TRIGGER* Infantile Sexuality and Sex during Childhood.

*TRIGGER WARNING, TRIGGER WARNING*

Yesterday a friend, he considers me a best friend, I don't know what to consider him, I just consider him a colleague. Anyways. I know what he looked like when he was a child. So I open up my email. And there's a message from him.

"Hey, you know how I was abused and Im okay with it, right? And I know that you often times avoid anything sexual and avoid jackin off and that kind of thing, but I still have pictures from that time, you can have fun with it, I'm giving you my permission, and I'm not ashamed or scared or anything. I think you'll like them
Ps: get on facebook! You fool!"

So um... I opened the zip file and it was him. Well. There's 253 pictures. And it's him, having sex with a man. I believe his uncle from what I know. And someone's taking the pictures and he's 5.

This situation got me thinking, why does he not suffer from the abuse, it lasted well into his 16's when he finally got a girl friend. Why do some children suffer from the abuse?

Before I lay out the rest of my debate/questions. Do note I am not encouraging anyone to if not hurt children, then break the law. I don't want anyone doing that. I simply want to study what no one else does, I want to find the answers people are scared of. That's what I want.

My goal is to find out if children can get pleasure through sex, what is harmful. Because we "know" it's harmful yet we know nothing about it. I'm a bit inspired by Maria, because she tries to learn about pedophiles so she can protect her daughter, so she can help us. I think we need to open our eyes, and talk about something no one will admit to talking about.

Please don't misunderstand me. Don't! I'm not telling anyone to go around raping children, that's at the very least against the law. At the very least.

I understand children have not developed the cognitive ability to comprehend sexuality, yet some "give" consent. And die at an old age stating they consented to sex when they were children. Could it be a case of being attached to the one that victimized him/her. Yes it could. But what if it's not that?
The how could someone be fine with having had sex as a child? Isn't it harmful? Why some aren't harmed?

Some people state that children aren't sexual, yet children have a sexual curiosity, some masturbate.
Some people state that children are sexual, yet they don't have the ability to comprehend that yet, so how come they masturbate?

Freud says that anything that brings pleasure is considered sexual.
He also argues that children have sexual urges, yet nothing is proved?

How can I start my study? Any books I should look over, any specific questions I need to ask?
I need to make up the questions and find the answers one by one.

Discuss this in a safe, legal manner please. This will be offensive to some, but I have posted a trigger warning, so no need to lynch me. Okay?

Your friend is actually kinda strange. I really haven't heard nor read anything like that.

Perhaps...hum...how I type it..."sexual desire" (I think you've understand it; if not, I mean, when we want to have to sex and have that urge, when we acquire it) vary from people to people? Who knows? Maybe some (children) may start having attractions and the urge for sex sooner than others. And, I think that some victims deal with the abuse better than others. But I really don't remember reading anything like that, that the victim enjoyed the act and consented it. I think it might be rare, REALLY, rare.


*Trigger*
I was abused when I was 6/7 and I really don't remember enjoying it, nor didn't I felt anything for my abuser. He was my friend back at then, but nothing more. I only liked him because he had a labrador and his son was my school-friend, so I would always be at his house.

Ar Ciel wrote:Your friend is actually kinda strange. I really haven't heard nor read anything like that.

Perhaps...hum...how I type it..."sexual desire" (I think you've understand it; if not, I mean, when we want to have to sex and have that urge, when we acquire it) vary from people to people? Who knows? Maybe some (children) may start having attractions and the urge for sex sooner than others. And, I think that some victims deal with the abuse better than others. But I really don't remember reading anything like that, that the victim enjoyed the act and consented it. I think it might be rare, REALLY, rare.


*Trigger*
I was abused when I was 6/7 and I really don't remember enjoying it, nor didn't I felt anything for my abuser. He was my friend back at then, but nothing more. I only liked him because he had a labrador and his son was my school-friend, so I would always be at his house.

Could it depend if the victim is attracted to the abuser? We as adults don't enjoy having sex with someone we don't like. Can kids even have a crush on someone?

In his case, he wasn't tortured or hit. Actually he was treated very "respectfully". Could this lessen the effects of the abuse?

Children are sexual beings- they are capable of experiencing sexual pleasure, and engage in sexual activity in all non-human species and cultures without a taboo on sexuality, often out of their own volition. The notion that children are asexual is demonstrably false:

Ford. C. S.. & Beach. F. A. (1951). Patterns of sexual behavior. New York: Harper & Row.

"As long as the adult members of a society permit them to do so, immature males and females engage in practically every type of sexual behavior found in grown men and women. [p. 197] [...] After reviewing the cross-species and cross-cultural evidence, we are convinced that tendencies toward sexual behavior before maturity and even before puberty are genetically determined in many primates, including human beings."

I don't think that means it's OK to have sex with children, even if it is consensual and mutually pleasurable. By doing so, you are risking a child's psychological well-being for the sake of an orgasm. This is an immoral thing to do, even if the harm comes not form the act itself, but from society's reaction to it:

Nelson's relationship marked "the happiest period of [her] life." "When I was a child I experienced an ongoing incestuous relationship that seemed to me to be caring and beneficial in nature. There were love and healthy self-actualization in what I perceived to be a safe environment. Suddenly one day I discerned from playground talk at school that what I was doing might be "bad". Fearing that I might, indeed, be a "bad" person, I went to my mother for reassurance. The ensuing traumatic incidents of that day inaugurated a 30-year period of psychological and emotional dysfunction that reduced family communication to mere utilitarian process and established severe limits on my subsequent developmental journey." [She was 8 at the time]

Full citation: Nelson, J. A. (1982). "The impact of incest: Factors in self-evaluation," in L. L. Constantine & F. M. Martinson (Eds.), Children and Sex: New Findings, New Perspectives. Boston: Little, Brown & Co.

Naxal321 wrote:Children are sexual beings- they are capable of experiencing sexual pleasure, and engage in sexual activity in all non-human species and cultures without a taboo on sexuality, often out of their own volition. The notion that children are asexual is demonstrably false:

Ford. C. S.. & Beach. F. A. (1951). Patterns of sexual behavior. New York: Harper & Row.

"As long as the adult members of a society permit them to do so, immature males and females engage in practically every type of sexual behavior found in grown men and women. [p. 197] [...] After reviewing the cross-species and cross-cultural evidence, we are convinced that tendencies toward sexual behavior before maturity and even before puberty are genetically determined in many primates, including human beings."

I don't think that means it's OK to have sex with children, even if it is consensual and mutually pleasurable. By doing so, you are risking a child's psychological well-being for the sake of an orgasm. This is an immoral thing to do, even if the harm comes not form the act itself, but from society's reaction to it:

Nelson's relationship marked "the happiest period of [her] life." "When I was a child I experienced an ongoing incestuous relationship that seemed to me to be caring and beneficial in nature. There were love and healthy self-actualization in what I perceived to be a safe environment. Suddenly one day I discerned from playground talk at school that what I was doing might be "bad". Fearing that I might, indeed, be a "bad" person, I went to my mother for reassurance. The ensuing traumatic incidents of that day inaugurated a 30-year period of psychological and emotional dysfunction that reduced family communication to mere utilitarian process and established severe limits on my subsequent developmental journey." [She was 8 at the time]

Full citation: Nelson, J. A. (1982). "The impact of incest: Factors in self-evaluation," in L. L. Constantine & F. M. Martinson (Eds.), Children and Sex: New Findings, New Perspectives. Boston: Little, Brown & Co.

This is amazing! Where do you get these from?

So if the abuser doesn't make it traumatic, society does. For example, MariaBee posted something where a father beat up his daughter's abuser infront of her. He killed the abuser. The girl will probably be scarred for a long time.

She was going to be scarred anyway, Simon, because she was being raped. I don't think it's fair to criticise her father, who never asked to be put in that situation, and saw red like 99.999% of parents would have done upon seeing their little girl being attacked like that.

About your friend. I think he's probably suffering from something along the lines of Stockholm Syndrome.

This is a good question, as most don't seem to have a crush on someone, and I don't remember reading anywhere that adolescents started to masturbate when they were a kid. If they're able to "love" someone and enjoy sex, shouldn't they jack-off at least once in infance?

Simontheo wrote:Could it depend if the victim is attracted to the abuser? We as adults don't enjoy having sex with someone we don't like. Can kids even have a crush on someone?

That's what I don't know. That citation that Nexal posted did make me think for awhile, but eh...it seems so rare. But I think it's possible, just less common.

In his case, he wasn't tortured or hit. Actually he was treated very "respectfully". Could this lessen the effects of the abuse?

I think so. My abuser was violent, really violent. Whenever I cried during the act, he would punch me. Every time. He threatened to kill me if I told my mother. But only during the act.
Even if he treated me well and such, I doubt I would enjoy it.
I remember a case, where a girl was raped by a uncle she loved. Well, she said he was calm and never was angry during the act, kinda the opposite as my abuser. You know what's funny? She hates him to dead.

Simontheo wrote:For example, MariaBee posted something where a father beat up his daughter's abuser infront of her. He killed the abuser. The girl will probably be scarred for a long time

Nah, I think she can endure that with ease. What'll be hard for her, it's the feeling that "she can't trust anyone". Supposing she was being raped have some time... She couldn't trust her father enough to tell him. And she couldn't trust another man, as the one she trusted, abused her. It's really hard to understand that feeling really. It's like your fault.

Graveyard76 wrote:She was going to be scarred anyway, Simon, because she was being raped. I don't think it's fair to criticise her father, who never asked to be put in that situation, and saw red like 99.999% of parents would have done upon seeing their little girl being attacked like that.

About your friend. I think he's probably suffering from something along the lines of Stockholm Syndrome.

Yes, but doesn't give anyone any reason to scar her more.
I don't think that many parents would do something like this. I understand he was protecting her, but when you protect you make sure your protecting, not making things worse. Sometimes we act without thinking. I know that's true. I feel for the father.

I remember thinking about it often when I was a child. Eventually I chased a little girl around during recess and touched her rump and she got upset and told on me and I was told by an adult that if I did that again I'd get in "big trouble". Even back then, I thought by that they meant, "Sex Offender's Registry". Which promptly made me wary of the subject.

I grew up with a bunch of drunk partying teenagers and adults, had trust issues, and was rarely around other females my age enough to eventually "experiment" with them.

Simontheo wrote:Yes, but doesn't give anyone any reason to scar her more.
I don't think that many parents would do something like this. I understand he was protecting her, but when you protect you make sure your protecting, not making things worse. Sometimes we act without thinking. I know that's true. I feel for the father.

I feel for him too, as a father myself. God knows what that moment must have felt like for him.

The person I feel most for though, is that little girl. We can't speculate how her father's actions will affect her in the long term, but I'll stick my neck out and say that she was probably damn glad to see him at that moment, and getting that animal off of her.