How to discuss a possible shoe fetish of my son with him?

HI everybody,

My son (age 22) has a possible shoe fetish.
Since he was 16 we repeatedly found women's stockings and shoes in his closet (hidden, although not so well). When we asked him he states it from his ex girlfriend, although the size is his size.

We do not think he is gay as he for as far as we know like women and does a lot of things which are (at least in our eyes) typically male hobbies. Eg. he plays a lot of playstation (even now) and played WoW for a long long time staying up full nights. He's had quite a few girlfriends, but mostly only for 3-6 months. It is possible they break up because of the shoe fetish he may have.
I know this isn't a lot to conclude he is not gay, but we have gay friends and he's nothing like them.

Our main problem is that we are unsure how to start this conversation with him. When we ask about the shoes/stockings he is making up excuses, so he's definitely ashamed of it. We really do not want to encourage his fetish and as everybody can imagine faced with a dilemma.

If somebody has experience with or advice for this situation we would be very greatful if you can share the advice or experience.

Thanks,

Max

Hi. I don't mean this as bluntly as it sounds, but it's not really any of your business what he's into. That's my two cents' worth.

He is twenty two years old. Whatever he has in his closet, whether it be shoes or himself (if he is indeed gay) you confronting him after going through your adult son's belongings is far more disturbing than what you're finding. In my opinion, shame on you. He isn't doing anything illegal. And you talking to him about it is absolutely crossing a huge line that I think would be embarrassing for you and for him. You may very well end your relationship and communication with him by doing so.

Foot and shoe fetishism is THE most popular fetish out there. A lot of men and women indulge in it and carry very "normal" lives. What is weird is a mother or father considering confronting their adult son after going through his personal belongings. It isn't your business. Maybe you should take a look in a mirror before judging others.

To be quite honest no it isn't any of your business but I appreciate you're concerned that his fetish may be interfering with his relationships. Quite frankly I don't believe it is. Im 32 and I've had a shoe fetish for ages. Any girl I was ever involved with never had an issue. In fact on many an occasion when I struggled to 'hit the jackpot' in the bed room they would suggest putting on a pair of heels. High heels are sexy, girls wear them to feel sexy and men find them sexy. If he chooses to keep a few pairs in his personal hoard then that's his choice, he's not doing anything weird. Lots of straight men find wearing women's clothing sexy and or liberating.

Maybe you need to ask yourself why you as a person find it so disturbing.

I also agree with posters above, this is more a subject to talk about with your partner and not parents:D

Also cross dressing is not = gay, maybe he just likes to dress up as a girl, or it could be just a shoe fetish like you said.

Well don't worry at least he CAN get girlfriends , its a matter of time he finds someone who like his whole person

Why do you feel the need to interfere in an adult's sexual interests? Isn't illegal, and there's far worse things to be into. In the case of shoe fetishes, I can readily accept and even understand the interest froma purely scientific point fo view: sweaty shoes contain pheremones of the person, or sex you're interested in, thus much of the appeal. As to your inclusion of having wondered if he's gay, your inclusion about that reveals a general lack of understanding of homosexuality. Homosexual men are mostly hyper-masculine. Media stereotypes of gay men as feminine apply to a small minority of male homosexuals. Why would a man sexually attracted to other men want a feminine man? A saying among gay men is, "If I wanted a femme, I'd be straight."

No fetish is a problem unless it negatively effects the rest of their life. Like if he's late and fired from work because he was huffing his shoe collection or something along those lines. If the only thing is he's into something you don't understand, that's not a problem requiring your attention.

HesDeltanCaptain wrote:No fetish is a problem unless it negatively effects the rest of their life. Like if he's late and fired from work because he was huffing his shoe collection or something along those lines.

Even then it'd be a problem of self-control rather than his particular sexual interest.

Hello,

This is an older thread so I am not sure if your are even still checking it. Here is my $.02.

I hear and understand the sentiment voiced above about staying out of your adult son's personal business. But, in addition to that, it can be a very lonely place for a guy with a shoe fetish who hasn't found support and learned that it is not that big of a deal to have a shoe fetish. Personally, I would suggest to not bring the subject up but if it did come up to let your son know that you love and support him regardless of his age or his unique attributes.

I recall having told my Mom about my thing for women's shoes when I was a teenager. I told my sister too. I told them about the fact that I loved to wear the shoes and kept he sex part of it out of the conversation. They were both loving and supportive however after that the subject never came up again. They were giving me privacy and never engaged me in conversation on the subject however I wished that they had.

I suggest simply letting your son know that you love and support him no matter what. If he feels genuine love and support then maybe he will bring the subject up with you if he needs the support. If he has found the support the he needs elsewhere and is doing well and coming to terms with his fetish then your support will just embolden that whether you talk about the shoes or not. I know that in my early twenties that I would like to have known what I know now is that my parents are not disappointed in me because I walk in heels better than my wife.

Best,
GiveAndReceive

This is a board frequented by pedophiles, necrophiles, and people who find sexual desire in pain. Your son is the most average person here.

You can talk to your son if you want but please don't try to tell him it's wrong or that he should stop doing that. It's his sexuality and it's already hard on it's own not to be ashamed to tell anyone, let alone your parents. I also have this fetish and I don't feel bad with myself, it's who I am but I chose not to tell anyone because I think people will judge me and I guess my parents would be disappointed. Not that I'm ashamed of it I just don't wanna be seen as a freak and I'm sure your son feels the same way. My advice is to address it in a respectful and adult manner. Support him and accept him for what he is. He could be into a lot of darker stuff, feet fetish is actually one of the most common fetishes in men.

Best regards.